HELP! Practical advice for problem 20yo DD

[RiderGirl]

I've just collected my DD who is 20 from my mums where she's been living for the last 3 months as they've had a fall out.

I'll start with she does have a job, not sure how many hours a week it is but not full time, she struggles to go, they've been very understanding.

She was diagnosed with autism at 16, things are tough for her. She is also very difficult to live with (smokes weed/drinks, has autistic meltdowns, is on antidepressants) and I have my 11 year old DD at home who is suffering from an eating disorder (currently under CAMHS /paediatrician). I'm not living my life walking on eggshells because she's here but don't know what to do with her! She can't realistically live here with us, it's truly too difficult.

Has anyone got any practical advice on how we can help her or if any help is available? I want to help her and for her to be happy, she just can't live here!

Is/was she known to the disabled childrens/young adult team in social services? I'd recommend contacted social services and also the housing team for your local authority.

Would she consider a course at a FE college and living in onsite student accommodation
FE colleges take students living in from 16 so generally have much better support systems than universities. It will depend on the institution.
Have you a garden big enough for a spare room with facilities? She could eat with you and have her own space.
I suspect she would get more help if she was a neet but would be foolish to give up her job

Would you be able to be a guarantor for her if she rents a room in a shared house? Is she claiming UC to top up her low income? If so she might be able to claim something to help her pay rent but realistically landlords will require a guarantor.

Well you tell her rules include no drugs...

I could be a guarantor yes but at great risk to myself. The no drugs thing I've tried to say until I'm blue in the face - she's 20 and it's not really something I've got control over (I barely even drink myself, am incredibly boring!) I'm thinking she's probably entitled to universal credit but not if she's living here - the housing situation means that round here there are incredibly slim pickings for flats etc and they can be fussy - who would want a volatile 20yo with mental health issues? Sadly my garden isn't big enough otherwise I'd put a caravan in there which I'm confident would be a massive help! When it comes to further education I'm not sure she'd cope, she scraped through 1 year of college after school but that's it. She has shown an interest in doing some sort of catering apprenticeship but again, I'm not sure how she'd cope in a stressful kitchen with shouty chefs!

What support has she had?

My county have an Employment Support service, where they mentor people into secure supportive employment.
There is also a local autism service who will help with benefits,
Pip applications etc.

I don't think there is an autism support service where we live, Google says it's permanently closed and the website link doesn't work! A friend has suggested social services but I'm not sure what they could do!

What triggers her meltdowns, and what can be done to minimise those triggers? How often does she smoke/ drink?

She can claim benefits whilst living at home. Why do you think she cannot?

Have you heard of supportive lodgings? This is where a vulnerable young person lives with a family. The support worker and team help sort benefits and services, work with the young person to keep a individualised contract by teaching skills and mentoring.

@RiderGirl

I could be a guarantor yes but at great risk to myself. The no drugs thing I've tried to say until I'm blue in the face - she's 20 and it's not really something I've got control over (I barely even drink myself, am incredibly boring!) I'm thinking she's probably entitled to universal credit but not if she's living here - the housing situation means that round here there are incredibly slim pickings for flats etc and they can be fussy - who would want a volatile 20yo with mental health issues? Sadly my garden isn't big enough otherwise I'd put a caravan in there which I'm confident would be a massive help! When it comes to further education I'm not sure she'd cope, she scraped through 1 year of college after school but that's it. She has shown an interest in doing some sort of catering apprenticeship but again, I'm not sure how she'd cope in a stressful kitchen with shouty chefs!

She’s entitled to UC if on a low income. She won’t get housing costs if she’s living in your homes but would if living independently. She would only get the equivalent of rent of a room in a shared house because of her age. Look on Spareroom.com for rooms available.

Or your nuclear option is to change the locks and she presents herself as homeless to the Council .