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Original poster

4 year old gone to friends house anxiety

26 replies

faithfulbird20 · 20/11/2021 13:42

So my dd has gone to her friends house for an hour. I told her mum I'd stay there with her for an hour. She agreed. I don't really know her well. Only that her daughters friends with my daughter. But when I went there my daughter went inside and her and her son stood in the doorway. Hint one we don't want u coming in. Then I asked my child x2 do u want me to stay she said yes. But still didn't let me in. She then said why don't u get ur baby and come back. I said okay. I don't think she wanted me there maybe her house was dirty or something. But here I'm driving myself crazy thinking I hope something bad doesn't happen to her. I didn't want to be rude and barge in. My DH told me to stay with her too otherwise he wouldn't feel comfortable.

OP posts:
claymodels · 20/11/2021 13:47

Then I asked my child x2 do u want me to stay she said yes. But still didn't let me in.

Why did you leave?

BleuJay · 20/11/2021 13:48

Why didn’t you say that if you couldn’t stay then you didn’t want to leave your daughter in her own?

They are strangers.

So they have pets? How many adults are there?

You willingly left your daughter with these people?

Misspacorabanne · 20/11/2021 13:51

I'd be back there collecting!!

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User5252727 · 20/11/2021 13:53

I wouldn't have left my child and I would be straight back now to collect

georgarina · 20/11/2021 13:55

Did everything look ok? Maybe she just didn't want to socialise for an hour? Personally I'm a fan of letting the kids play and letting parents collect later!

But if you were really worried/it wasn't what you had arranged I would just mention it - it's awkward but just 'can I come in?' And see what she says? If it's all backed up over text she is the awkward one for changing the plan.

And if you are really not comfortable you can make up an excuse and go collect her.

millenialblush · 20/11/2021 13:59

4 is too young to drop a kid off to a house you don't know with people you don't know.

Original poster
faithfulbird20 · 20/11/2021 14:06

Yeah I've rang her and she said everything's okay. She's kind...but you just don't know. I'll set off early and see if she lets me in. No more visits.

OP posts:
LunaticLandscape · 20/11/2021 14:08

She invited you back with the baby didn't she?

MynameisJune · 20/11/2021 14:08

Nope wouldn’t have left. My eldest is 6, we’ve only just started leaving her with friends who we have known since they were babies let alone strangers.

4 is too young in my opinion if the parent isn’t happy for you to stay then DD wouldn’t be staying.

thisplaceisweird · 20/11/2021 14:10

Sounds very silly to me, what a panic.
I've had school friends over tons and would never have wanted the parents hanging around! I leave the kids to play (supervised but not sat getting involved).
If you're so nervous maybe you should get to know the parents more next time, do outings altogether first.

thisplaceisweird · 20/11/2021 14:11

I would be mortified if any of the school mums were flapping about their children being left with me and coming on a thread to say "you just don't know..." Why so suspicious OP?

Finknottlesnewt · 20/11/2021 14:19

@thisplaceisweird

I would be mortified if any of the school mums were flapping about their children being left with me and coming on a thread to say "you just don't know..." Why so suspicious OP?
Thank god for this. I am beginning to think MN is populated entirely with the extremely paranoid who all live in super high crime areas .
ParkheadParadise · 20/11/2021 14:26

I definitely have a laid back approach to parenting 😂😂 but that's weird.
How did she not invite you in when you arrived with your dd 🤔.
I would have invited you in then said you can come back to collect her.
Mind you I once met a friend of dd's at the shops they went to nursery together. Dd asked if he could come and play I said another time and his granny said it's ok to go ( he lived with his granny and grampa)
I spent fucking ages looking for his house when I took him home (it had a white door) the whole estate had white doors.

FictionalCharacter · 20/11/2021 14:36

So she originally agreed to you staying there for an hour, then when you turned up her son stood in the doorway and stopped you going in? That’s not OK. Doesn’t mean there’s anything sinister about them but you just don’t do that.
You should have spoken up though - “Can I come in please? I’m staying with her for an hour, remember?”

GreyhoundG1rl · 20/11/2021 14:40

But here I'm driving myself crazy thinking I hope something bad doesn't happen to her
Why the fuck did you leave her there?! Confused.

MrsPleasant · 20/11/2021 14:43

Assuming the children play nicely together, it's an opportunity for her to sit and drink tea in peace or get on with something for an hour. Presumably you've got her back now and hopefully she had a lovely time.

Comedycook · 20/11/2021 14:46

I wouldn't be happy with that if I was you. Four is still very little and I'd happily welcome another mum in if she was anxious about leaving her child. Drop off is generally fine for older kids or if you know the family well.

MistyFrequencies · 20/11/2021 14:47

This is so weird. If you wanted to stay you say "can I come in". But also I always ask parents dropping off young ones if they want to stay, in the last month Ive had 2 kids here of parents I don't know (after school club), both 4 years old and neither parent stayed.

Mindymomo · 20/11/2021 14:50

I remember my second sons very first play date with a friend from nursery, he was 3, nearly 4 years old. I was concerned as I didn’t know the family or the mum. When I went to collect him, I said the usual has he been good etc., she said he was fine, but when I said to son let’s go home, he went into a total meltdown and didn’t want to leave there. Turned out he had been playing playstation and wanted to carry on playing. The look the mum gave me, I think she thought he didn’t want to come home with me. I had to bribe him into going and buying the game so he could play it at our house. It was so embarrassing, I remind him about it still, some 22 years later.

soapboxqueen · 20/11/2021 14:50

When my dc were small, I wouldn't have accepted an invite by someone I didn't know well, unless I was staying too.

If I arrived and they were blocking the door, I would have just said 'sorry, I thought I was staying with her. She's still very young."

Either I'd be in or we'd have left together.

BrushFlossSmile · 20/11/2021 14:53

I wouldn't have let her bustle me out of the door like that. I would have left with my child. It seems weird.

claymodels · 20/11/2021 14:53

@thisplaceisweird

I would be mortified if any of the school mums were flapping about their children being left with me and coming on a thread to say "you just don't know..." Why so suspicious OP?

I would be concerned at anyone leaving a 4 year old without being cautious tbh.

PinkSyCo · 20/11/2021 14:57

This is weird. It seems she didn’t mind you coming in but wanted to stall you for some reason. Maybe you caught her mid argument with her partner or something? To be honest, I wouldn’t fret about leaving a 4 year old for an hour anyway.

LethargeMarg · 20/11/2021 15:01

Four is the age I started leaving mine at 'play dates' (hate that phrase) especially with second and third kids. If your daughters friend is a younger sibling the mum would probably not expect you to stay as she'll have older kids to e terrain or may want the kids to play while she gets on with jobs
I wouldn't worry at all about it

Original poster
faithfulbird20 · 20/11/2021 15:02

@MrsPleasant yeah she had a lovely time. The mum said I'm all alone it's just me my son and daughter maybe next time we can have a coffee?...

OP posts: