Boxing Day meal as vegetarians

[BarbaraLoganPrice]

Just wondering what is the right thing to do. This is the first Christmas DH, DC and I have been vegetarian and have offered to host the rest of the family.
Doing a pot luck so everyone bringing something to contribute, MIL said straight away about bringing turkey, ham etc. Personally I don't want meat in the house, but I also don't want to be preachy or look like an arse.
I think everyone else would happily bring vegetarian dishes and likewise would be enthusiastic at trying them, but ILs are staunch meat eaters and I think would be offended at the suggestion.
Any advice?

If you're only hosting Boxing Day, I definitely think it's fine to say veggie only.

Is she maybe just bringing leftovers from her Christmas Day to get rid of them?

Can you not just say you'll provide the food & ask them to bring pudding/cheese/drinks?

I think this situation is complicated by the pot luck element

Yes, that makes sense re stopping the pot luck element.

@CamilleCamisole yes I think she is, which is fair enough for her as I understand she doesn't want it to go to waste. I think what will happen though is they'll bring the meat, everyone will eat that and vegetarian stuff will be left to us!

@SouthOfFrance yes I agree it does complicate. We decided that to cut costs but maybe we could cut costs if they bring pudding and cheese. I think I'd have to specifically ask MIL not to bring the meat though as there's a good chance it would just get brought along anyway.

I think it's fine to ask her not to bring it.

Should your dh not do it, seeing as she's his mum?

I eat meat BTW and I'd of course be happy not to bring meat to a veggie house.

But I was veggie and vegan for many years, so maybe a bit more alert to it...

It’s a bit late as you have already announced it as bring a dish, but to get round this in future whilst still sharing the load I’d be tempted to go with “Mil please could you bring a balsamic onion quiche/potato salad/selection of pickles and chutney” or whatever it is you want.

If you know her well enough to know if she wouldn’t be offended I would raise it with her. Just a friendly ‘we were really hoping to keep Boxing Day Veggie this year, would it be possible to do your lovely Brie and cranberry tart instead?’ Better still get dh to do it instead!

@CamilleCamisole it was me who invited everyone in the first place and gave the initial details so I guess it would be strange for me to then not be the person to let them know of the change of plan.

@AtleastitsnotMonday thank you, honestly I don't think I could get around it without offending her but those suggestions are helpful. Maybe if she doesn't take the hint and keeps talking about bringing turkey round I could be a bit more blunt

For some people, a hot meal isn't a proper meal without a meat course.

As you are recent converts to vegetarianism I think it's a case of not being preachy, it's Christmas, because you have recently decided not to eat meat that does not apply to family and you said it's pot luck. I would personally be a bit weirded out by a bring a dish invite when the host then makes demands on what I bring - especially zealous recent vegetarians. Either say you will cook everything or accept the meat

I've been a vegetarian for over 30 years. I think asking people not to bring meat (so long as it's already cooked) would make you look pretty weird tbh.

[quote BarbaraLoganPrice]@CamilleCamisole it was me who invited everyone in the first place and gave the initial details so I guess it would be strange for me to then not be the person to let them know of the change of plan.

@AtleastitsnotMonday thank you, honestly I don't think I could get around it without offending her but those suggestions are helpful. Maybe if she doesn't take the hint and keeps talking about bringing turkey round I could be a bit more blunt [/quote]
We are are veggie house.

I'm absolutely fine for others to bring cooked meat jn these situations, we have separate table areas and utensils so nothing gets mixed.

I'd personally say 'lovely, thanks MIL' and don't make it a big deal.

I agree with everything gogohm said. Roll with it this year.

MIL will have cooked it for Christmas, and will eat it some stage. Just because it is ‘in your house’ doesn’t mean you have to eat it, and surely it doesn’t matter whether it gets eaten by MIL, or other relatives.

It won’t contaminate your house, or undermine your own vegetarian impact (whether you are aiming for improvement to environment, animal welfare, health) because come what may, they will cook their Turkey and ham, and eat the leftovers.

For the sake of a happy family day, and given that you invited them to bring food without setting guidelines or boundaries, let it go.

Next year you can be more specific or whatever.

And if other relatives eat it, it shows they'd obviously prefer to not be veggie.

if you're cooking, you get to choose. if it's pot-luck, I think you have to accept people might want meat.

Recent veggie…. will you be too tempted

I think its weird.. unless mil is saying she will turn up to your house with a raw turkey which she expects you to cook (guessing this is not the case!).
Also your comment about not wanting people eating the meat and therefore leaving your veggie stuff..people should be allowed to eat what they want, especially at Christmas. Its your choice to be veggie and not theirs.

@Dindundundundeeer

Recent veggie…. will you be too tempted

Haha no! Promise

Thanks everyone, points on board and I agree with it looking a bit preachy. I don't want to spoil anyone's day, make anyone feel pushed or forced or for us to appear up ourselves.

I guess in honesty while I did say bring your own food, it seems a bit weird to turn up to a vegetarian household with various meat dishes? But I guess the whole thing is still a bit of a precarious subject for lots of reasons.

But I think we will either stick with the pot luck and leave it, or change it and offer to just cook everyone a meal, and give them the option to bring a dessert or snack or similar if they want to and deal with the cost.

What would you have said if it was your own mum saying it? Is it annoying you more because it's MiL?

I agree either stick with pot luck with no stipulations or you provide a buffet/meal. If you go for the second option you could ask guests to bring pudding, cheeses board, crisps, drinks etc.

I guess in honesty while I did say bring your own food, it seems a bit weird to turn up to a vegetarian household with various meat dishes?

If you were long standing veggies, then yes. But you are recent converts, and this is your MIL - she has spent the vast majority of your DH’s lifetime with him as a carnivore. It can take older family members some time to get used to big changes like this. Plus, she probably thinks that because you are both close family, you won’t mind her eating what she wants.

It would be different if you were inviting friends or acquaintances. Cut her some slack.

We are a veggie household. Boxing Day is all about eating up the leftovers. I think it would be a very wasteful for your MIL not to bring her leftover turkey and ham. Animals have died so that people can be fed! It would be pretty terrible for the leftovers to get thrown away!

Veggie house here and it wouldn’t bother me at all to bring meat leftovers. We hate food wastage. But your house your rules.

Anyway in terms of a main course we are probably going to make a butternut squash and walnut pastry pie thing which has always gone down v well with the meat eaters

@gogohm

As you are recent converts to vegetarianism I think it's a case of not being preachy, it's Christmas, because you have recently decided not to eat meat that does not apply to family and you said it's pot luck. I would personally be a bit weirded out by a bring a dish invite when the host then makes demands on what I bring - especially zealous recent vegetarians. Either say you will cook everything or accept the meat

Yeah I think the fact that it’s less than a year since you decided to be veggie then bringing meat into the house shouldn’t really be a big deal.

I can see why you don’t want to cook it, but for MIL to bring over the leftovers of her Xmas day turkey doesn’t feel like too big a deal tbh. Sure she could save it and have the day after but if everyone else there would happily eat it as part of a buffet style meal with lots of other lovely veggie options I don’t see why you’d make a big deal out of it.

If you’d been staunch veggie your whole life I could kind of get on board with it. Not sure how many years it takes in this instance to be considered staunch re recent convert but it’s definitely more than one.