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Time off work for child's nativity?

62 replies

mag2305 · 19/11/2021 19:42

It's our son's first little nativity play coming up (first child too so we're a bit excited Grin) and I'm just wondering whether it's worth my husband asking for time off to see it or whether he should give another (made up) reason? My dh works in a school. The nativity would start at 9.30am so I guess he'd be back in work by 11am. What do people think?

OP posts:
clary · 19/11/2021 20:21

OP I would ask (but certainly give the true reason). I was a cover supervisor and was allowed to take (unpaid) time off for my DCs' sports day as I recall.

When I was a teacher I think I was allowed to take leave for a DC's music exam. Might have been unpaid too. It's really at the employer's discretion, but often it's one of the hits you take for working in a school.

JumparooSavedMyLife · 19/11/2021 20:34

My husband is a teacher, it's our daughter's first nativity too, he'd never consider asking for time off for this, I don't think his head would be impressed. Thankfully our school is doing 2 performances one in the day and one at 6pm so working parents like us can attend. I wouldn't lie, if he's caught out he could get into a lot of trouble.

Spiceup · 19/11/2021 20:37

I would always allow my staff (I'm a school leader) this time. The only exception might be if it's, say, the third request in a term. At this time of year they may have to choose which one event they most want to be at.

IME when Male teachers can't get time off for these kinds of things they haven't actually asked.

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JacktomyDaniel · 19/11/2021 20:38

Are they filming it? We have decided to record it and give to parents after the performance for any who can't attend. All permissions sought obviously.

MargaretThursday · 19/11/2021 20:45

@maddiemookins16mum

Our work has insisted that every parent goes to their child’s plays this year. I think it’s great.
Dh would have been most put out. He hated school nativities.

Tbf the junior school they were at were the bees knees on putting on the worst performances known to schoolkind.... I suffered through 12 of the wretched things and they got worse.

Tumbleweed101 · 20/11/2021 09:51

You could ask if the nursery/school are able to film it if he can’t get out. We do this and put it on the private parent page afterwards (assuming everyone has given permission). It’s nothing professional but as I’m set up at the front it means there is a clear view for filming and other relatives also get a chance to see it too. We’ve done this for a few years now and always had a lot of positive feedback from parents.

Dentistlakes · 20/11/2021 09:55

He should ask and see what they say. Some schools will allow it and others not. Hopefully they will see the importance of it and allow him the time off.

amillionmenonmars · 20/11/2021 09:57

Sadly I never once was allowed to be there for my own children's nativity plays or sports days. I also missed several parents 'evenings' as they ran from 2.30 - 4.30 and I could not get back in time.

The downside of working in a school. People assume it is parent friendly - all those holidays etc. No, it's not.

LethargicActress · 20/11/2021 09:58

He should be honest about why he wants the time off, it wouldn’t take a genius to work out why someone with young children would want a couple of hours off on a weekday morning.

TAs really don’t earn enough to make it worth missing their own child’s nativity plays for, and the teacher he works with would probably be sympathetic and be able to cope without him for a morning. He just needs to talk to his employer and be honest.

Animood · 20/11/2021 10:00

Why the fuck are schools putting parents under pressure by having nativities at bloody half 9!!! Not exactly great timing is it? I'm sure when I had mine it was in the evening deliberately so that working parents and grandparents could attend

LethargicActress · 20/11/2021 10:06

@Animood

Why the fuck are schools putting parents under pressure by having nativities at bloody half 9!!! Not exactly great timing is it? I'm sure when I had mine it was in the evening deliberately so that working parents and grandparents could attend
Evening performances are for KS2, not infants.

Nativity plays are usually performed by 4-6 year olds, do you really think they should be dragged back to school in the evening to perform when they should be having bath and bedtime stories?

Do you think all the staff involved (more specifically, the unsalaried low paid TAs) should have to work for free in the evening for your convenience?

Take the time off work or don’t come, but don’t expect other people to put themselves out for you and your employer and then wonder ‘why the fuck’ they don’t.

RecentYears · 20/11/2021 10:07

IME if you do school concerts in the evening half the cast don't turn up on the night their own parents won't be there

NerrSnerr · 20/11/2021 10:18

I would ask but respect their decision if they say no. In my opinion the trade off if you work term-time that you might miss school events but you get the holidays.

Animood · 20/11/2021 10:23

Do you think all the staff involved (more specifically, the unsalaried low paid TAs) should have to work for free in the evening for your convenience?

No I think they should be paid!

If the performances were later in the day it would be easier for parents to leave early. If they were a mid day might be able to negotiate a longer lunch break. Half 9 is the most ridiculous time!

I do expect schools to think of these things tbh. Whats the point in doing a naivety that no one can bloody attend? 🤣 teachers make me laugh.

RecentYears · 20/11/2021 10:29

Half past 9 is the worst time for you

Someone who drops their child at school on the way to work likes 9:30, it means they can go in a couple of hours late rather than going in and then out again.

SAHP with other children prefer during the school day so they have childcare

SAHP without other children prefer 9:30 or 2pm (which really is the worst time for working parents) so they only have one trip to school

People who can get time off don't want to go in the evening

Far more parents than you realise don't send their DC in for evening performances, especially if they think they have insignificant parts.

You can't please everyone, as they say, but everyone is convinced that what works best for them is what everyone wants.

MrsWooster · 20/11/2021 10:30

A decent school should allow him to arrange something. It was the beginning of the end of an irreconcilable rift between slt and staff when they refused a colleague permission, despite arranging with another colleague to cover in her free in order to avoid any disruption to learning.
This is the sort of thing that makes the difference between work being family-friendly and not, and the benefits of the former are incalculable to both organisation and staff.

LethargicActress · 20/11/2021 10:38

It’s either at the start of the school day or at the end, either way working parents will have to start late or finish early.

It can’t be earlier than 9.30 because the children (and staff who might only be paid from 9.00) need to have time to get the children into costumes etc and get ready.

At mid day children have their own lunch break that has to fit in with the times that the cooks and lunchtime supervisors are in, and again, support staff aren’t paid to work over lunch hour.

Schools do think of these things, and schools really aren’t asking too much of parents when they expect parents to take a couple of hours off work to attend their own child’s nativity, especially when the dates are set well in advance. When schools ask parents to attend maths/reading workshops and that type of thing in the school day, I think you have a point that it’s ridiculous, but not for a once a year nativity performance.

As a pp said, many parents don’t bring their children back to school in the evening when they aren’t planning to watch that night, and that’s with older kids, not the easily tired little ones that really wouldn’t be fit to do their performance in the evening after a full day at school.

Animood · 20/11/2021 10:44

Half 9 is slap bang in the middle of working parents mornings. Seriously, seriously daft time. Why not have it after school ends? Easy. Most parents able to come. Job done. Teacher man...

LethargicActress · 20/11/2021 10:50

Isn’t 3.00/3.30 after school ends in the middle of most working parents days too?

You really do seem to be missing the point that schools aren’t there to provide convenience to working parents who can’t be bothered to book a morning or afternoon off work.

Animood · 20/11/2021 10:54

Schools should consider parents needs if they're doing a performance. Because if a child's parents aren't there surely that's upsetting for them?

RecentYears · 20/11/2021 10:55

It's much easier for me (by agreement) to arrive late occasionally than to leave early. But that's my circumstances, others will be different.

LethargicActress · 20/11/2021 10:58

@Animood

Schools should consider parents needs if they're doing a performance. Because if a child's parents aren't there surely that's upsetting for them?
They do, but they put the children’s needs before the parents thankfully.

If a parent doesn’t want to take a couple of hours off work to watch their own child, then it’s them that is upsetting their child, not the school.

RecentYears · 20/11/2021 11:01

@Animood

Schools should consider parents needs if they're doing a performance. Because if a child's parents aren't there surely that's upsetting for them?
But which parents? Wink
Frazzled2207 · 20/11/2021 11:02

I think you should ask but if it’s a no it’s how it goes.

In my industry it would be almost unthinkable to not be allowed to go. But it’s not a school. Teacher friends I know have accepted that they will almost never be able to go to these things, plus term time weddings etc

StormyTeacups · 20/11/2021 11:02

Our school would say yes

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