Singling out for praise at work now shunned by colleagues

[Mls1984btc]

Wonder anybody can help.

I was singling out for mention by one of the boss’s boss in a recent meeting. It completely took me by surprise because I was simply expressing my enthusiasm in one of the project she was leading in a private setting.

However since then I noticed that my colleagues have been shunning me. There is an atmosphere in the office as if I had done something horrendously wrong.

It doesn’t help that I am naturally very very shy and is never active in a group setting but can speak for England when I am in a 1-2-1 situation. People might have mistook my silence as being a stuck-up or think I think I am better than them.

Should I mention this to my line manager?

Why would you mention it to your line manager?

If you are "naturally very very shy" I suspect you are also hypersensitive to negative attitudes and reading far more into this than is actually there.

I'm not saying you're being paranoid: it's entirely possible that your enthusiasm for the project was seen by your colleagues as sucking-up - particularly as you don't normally display so much. They probably did inwardly roll their eyes, and think slightly less of you. Which is a shame.

Try pushing yourself to say a little bit more, and stay polite.

@merryhouse

If you are "naturally very very shy" I suspect you are also hypersensitive to negative attitudes and reading far more into this than is actually there.

I'm not saying you're being paranoid: it's entirely possible that your enthusiasm for the project was seen by your colleagues as sucking-up - particularly as you don't normally display so much. They probably did inwardly roll their eyes, and think slightly less of you. Which is a shame.

Try pushing yourself to say a little bit more, and stay polite.

Thanks for your comment.

I went rigid in a group setting once and since then I always get tongue tied whenever I have to speak in a meeting 🙁

I guess this is one area I need to work on

You should have said something at the time about being a team player.

I’d bring it out into the open and bring in some treats and announce that you were surprised when x singled you out for praise. Make it light hearted and joke that you hope no one thinks you are a suck up and that you consider yourself very much part of the team.

@BleuJay

You should have said something at the time about being a team player.

I’d bring it out into the open and bring in some treats and announce that you were surprised when x singled you out for praise. Make it light hearted and joke that you hope no one thinks you are a suck up and that you consider yourself very much part of the team.

U see that situation would have me breaks out in sweat. Do I walk in just announce randomly to the room? Or do I send an email saying there’s a treat?

I will never piped up in a big meeting like that I was speechless when she mentioned me by the time I realised what happened they have moved on to the next topic. This was a Zoom Meeting and I wasn’t in the office at that time.

I need to get over this and find kindred spirits at work

@BleuJay

You should have said something at the time about being a team player.

I’d bring it out into the open and bring in some treats and announce that you were surprised when x singled you out for praise. Make it light hearted and joke that you hope no one thinks you are a suck up and that you consider yourself very much part of the team.

I really wouldn't do that. I probably wouldn't have noticed the first bit, would only notice if it was lots of times. This would make me think you were protesting too much and were making sure we were all aware how much you were praised. It would feel very false.

Yes, to bringing treats if you want. (find an excuse if you want-birthday, saw them and they looked good, someone offered them to you, dc went to nursery for the first time without crying...) but don't try and tie it to being praised etc. You'll be putting ideas into their heads rather than dispelling them.

Op, chances are you are overanalysing it more than you need to. Ask them a few questions (eg recommendation for a restaurant) , get them to show you how to do something. People like that.

I am still relatively new in my role. I was kind of ‘head-Hunted’ from another dept. to this current one with limited experience but lots of transferable knowledge.

I have indeed been asking questions and find that people normally ignored my message either in the Zoom or a few words sentence then turn their back on me. Is understandable as is not their job to train me and I understand not everybody wants to train people/answer question. I am sort of used to that kind of environment. There’s a few people there who are lovely but unfortunately we are working remotely some part of the week so most of the times I will be missing the friendly faces.

Should I mentioned this to my line manager by explaining to him about my shyness or is this vulnerability talk gonna bite me at the back down the line?

Don’t mention anything to your line manager. Just smile and get on with your job.

@BleuJay

You should have said something at the time about being a team player.

I’d bring it out into the open and bring in some treats and announce that you were surprised when x singled you out for praise. Make it light hearted and joke that you hope no one thinks you are a suck up and that you consider yourself very much part of the team.

Don't do this.

Least said, soonest mended. They'll get over whatever is bothering them. And the opinion of the bosses is far more important than the opinions of some childish team members.

Do you guys think I should mention my shyness to my line manager?

@Mls1984btc

Do you guys think I should mention my shyness to my line manager?

No. Why would you do that?

If your work is getting done at acceptable or better quality, your manager doesn't need to know about your personal frailties.

Are you young? You may well outgrow this shyness and self-consciousness; don't get a label attached to yourself early on.

Work to overcome it. Take a course. And remember people aren't thinking about you one way or the other, 99 percent of the time.

Thank you I will not mention my shyness then.