I’ll try not to write an essay in my OP but will cover the main points…I’m looking to hear advice from other parents who are going through or went through something similar with their child(ren).
We are struggling with our 5 year old daughter’s behaviour. She’s an only child. Usually she is very kind and sweet, gets on well with other children, is well behaved at school and is a pleasure to be around. She’s intelligent, but (I think) is very anxious and can struggle to concentrate and listen and express her feelings (in an age appropriate way). She doesn’t struggle socially and makes friends easily. She’s a model pupil at school but lets loose when she gets home.
She had a lot of tantrums as a toddler. Her language skills are good and always have been. The tantrums have lessened somewhat but she now has more what I’d describe as emotional outbursts that she can’t seem to control. We’re starting to think she might have emotional or behavioural issues.
She recently started school, which she does genuinely enjoy but is a big transition, so of course her behaviour has worsened in the last few months. This is usually triggered by tiredness and gets worse towards the end of the week.
These “outbursts” are entirely want directed (it’s not an autistic sensory meltdown) – either they happen because she has to do something she doesn’t want to, can’t have something she wants, has to come inside from playing outside, time to leave an event, say goodbye to friends etc. she will complain if you tell her “no” calmly and rationally, and this will gradually escalate into a screaming crying fit with her sobbing saying she can’t calm down. She’s not violent but she’ll throw things around, cling to your legs etc. This happens at home and in public, but of course never at school!
The usual background factors to the outbursts as you might expect are tiredness and hunger, so if she looks like she’s starting to get upset I check if she’s hungry (she’s fed regularly don’t worry!) and sometimes having a small snack can completely change her behaviour.
I know you will probably judge me, but when she gets extremely upset like this the only thing that will calm her down is using a dummy for a short period. Literally nothing else will work, and the choice is either give her the dummy for a bit or she will work herself up so much for over an hour and she’ll make herself sick. I’ve tried cuddles, talking, leaving her to it, time out etc. nothing works.
We’ve tried various things like taking things away as punishment, rewarding good behaviour with reward charts and treats (works for about a week and that’s it), we’ve tried being calm, ignoring bad behaviour and rewarding good, talking about feelings, but absolutely nothing works.
We don’t give in to her tantrums. So it’s not that either. She has a stable home with lots of love and affection.
She doesn’t care if her friends see her having a meltdown and she doesn’t care about consequences. I really don’t know how to manage this. I just want her to be happy. Her behaviour is also putting a big strain on us as parents.
I am waiting for another month or two to pass to speak to our GP, as I believe if I do anything now I will be fobbed off as she recently started school and they will just say she’s adjusting to school. Whilst this is somewhat true, I can tell there is a bigger issue going on.
Any help or experience of this much appreciated. Thanks.