What gift can I send to my friend, if any?

[Dustyblue]

My dear friend has an adult son in hospital, and it's looking dire.

He has Cystic Fibrosis and had a double lung transplant a few years ago. Complications have arisen (to put it mildly) and he may have liver & bowel cancer, perhaps due to all the anti-rejection drugs. We'll know more next week.

I realise no cheese/wine hamper can deal with this.... however my friend is so flat and is shunning guests right now.

Is there anything I can send to her house, to cheer her up even for 5 minutes?

Oh how awful, your poor friend, I hope it turns out to not be so hopeless but she must be beside herself. Umm, maybe it isn’t appropriate but what about a Deliveroo voucher if it covers her area, sure the last thing they feel like doing is cooking. I did this for a friend whose husband is in hospital having cancer treatment but she has youngish kids so it was meant to represent a treat for them too so I don’t know if it’s appropriate for your poor friend.

I'm so sorry, I really don't know the right answer but I didn't want to let this go unanswered.

I tried to think what I might want in the circumstances, maybe a blanket/throw for comfort, and a note saying that my friend loved me and didn't expect any answer but wanted to say I and my son were thought of and loved?

I wouldn’t send a gift. She may well find cooking her meals a distraction or she may not feel like answering the door once she is home.

A card with a thoughtful message saying that if she needs any practical help or wants to ring for a chat then please do as you are there foe her.

I was sent one of these from a friend recently when I was unwell. www.etsy.com/uk/listing/844989406/east-of-india-porcelain-hedgehog?gpla=1&gao=1&&utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=shopping_uk_en_gb_-home_and_living&utm_custom1=k_CjwKCAiAs92MBhAXEiwAXTi2520vlatIbipCwoKSX7qqtcCxVQNHtIStWFpC0CNe2Zp8RT0tlW0hixoCt3YQAvD_BwE_k&utm_content=go_14821442085_125173007022_549119977872_pla-303628061699_c__844989406engb_127084756&utm_custom2=14821442085&gclid=CjwKCAiAs92MBhAXEiwAXTi2520vlatIbipCwoKSX7qqtcCxVQNHtIStWFpC0CNe2Zp8RT0tlW0hixoCt3YQAvD_BwE
I also think a card with a message offering help and just to let her know you are thinking of her is perfectly fine.

I suffer from chronic illness. Things that I've been given that I've really appreciated:

Cozy hot water bottle
Candles
Sleep mist pillow spray
Big baggy wearable blanket
Fluffy socks
A 2 litre water bottle (one of those with markers that remind you to drink)
Essential oils (tisserand do nice blends)

I'm sure there's been more but this it what I can think of right now.

Also just a note, I wouldn't give flowers, they're pretty but need trimming, arranging, disposing of. Nice thought but can be a little bit of a burden.

I forgot to say these are things that might be nice for her in terms of a little reminder to look after herself while taking care of her son.

Thank you all, for your kind replies.

I'm now thinking food is probably the best thing. She won't bother cooking for herself & her partner right now.

@BleuJay - I think you're right about not sending a gift. It just doesn't seem right.

I think I might just drop off a pot of curry (she likes my lamb korma) and leave it at that for the weekend. She'll know more on Monday.

Thanks again xx

I have been through losing a child, although different circumstances. I really did not want any gifts at all, any i received really stressed me out as I didn't want to engage with anyone.
HOWEVER our neighbours brought round a homemade lasagne and I was just so grateful for something nice to eat that I didn't have to make that I just cried when she gave me it.

Food is good I think.

How about a heart felt card and some flowers 'to brighten up her day'. I can't imagine that anything is going to make her feel better at the moment but I am sure that she will be grateful to know that you are thinking of her.

When my friend's mum was ill, she was sitting at her bedside constantly so I ordered her a grazing box, which she told me was really handy because she could just have it in the fridge for her and her family to pick at if they didn't fancy cooking.

Maybe cook her a few nice meals so she doesn't have to worry about cooking, things she can put in the freezer and take out when she feels like it and a nice card .

Re: food could you send some 'COOK' meal delivery vouchers perhaps? She can then choose which meals she wants delivered, fill up the freezer and they really are relatively nice for frozen microwave food.

Mainly I would send a card or letter offering support and love, and any help that she needs in the coming months. What an awful situation

Thanks again, am going with the food idea (lamb korma with rice and naan, enough for several meals).

Dh is going to drop it off, since I know if I do it she'll feel obliged to invite me in etc.

We're in a small town in Australia & there's little in the way of local food delivery unfortunately. There's the Hello Fresh type things but not ready made meals.

Still crossing fingers that it isn't cancer but some other artifact of the CF or the drugs. My friend is a nurse, who's spent the last 40 years dealing with CF and it's complications and I've never heard her sound this flat. It's as if she knows....

Thanks again, it's hard to hit the right note of support here, so I do appreciate your experiences.

Yes, to food/ meals if you are close enough to deliver them.
My DH died recently. Flowers were obviously a kind thought, but required effort to arrange and I had to buy more vases as we only had a couple (and surely that's not unusual?) which was an extra hassle. But I had family who made meals and put them in my fridge, neighbours I barely knew who brought cake, a friend in another country who sent a hamper of snacks, colleagues who knew I wouldn't want flowers and sent biscuits instead. I knew I had to eat and had to feed my DC, but the effort required to do so was immense, and, although I have always fed DC, I have sometimes found the effort of choosing and preparing a lunch for just me too much and not bothered and lived off cake/ biscuits/ soup that other people have brought round.
Cards are nice, show that you are thinking of her, and require much less effort than flowers.