I need a pep talk to be nicer…

[Bunny2021]

I’m just coming to the tail end of flu - my DH has been amazing at looking after our 4 month old DC, particularly balancing his work, letting me sleep, preparing all meals etc.

Inevitably he’s now caught it from me so I need to step up and take care of him. I know how awful I felt so he’s in for a rubbish time ahead.

My issue is that I’m terrible at looking after him. I get really impatient and frustrated with having to do everything (despite him having done everything for me). It doesn’t help that I have to nag him to take medication and tonight he poured himself a huge whisky and ignored my suggestion about staying hydrated (having been really dehydrated myself the last week or so).

Please give me a pep talk as to how to be kinder/more caring to him!

Can't offer any help cause I'm known as Nurse Shite-ingale in my family . When you get some advice I'll take it on board too

Just think about how much it pays off on the long run to be a team with your partner.

(Lol at nurse shiteingale above )

It goes both ways. Were you doing all you could to get better or deliberately doing things that are likely to make things worse and prolong your symptoms? I'd be thoroughly unimpressed with the alcohol consumption in these circumstances. I suspect you feel frustrated because he's in the habit of malingering, hence not wanting to take medication to help himself get better. Yes you need to be a team but that goes for him instead of you.

On a practical level, make him Lemsip or similar when he asks for a cuppa, pause and put your "kindness face" on before dealing with him, pick up the slack without moaning about it to him (you can vent to someone else if you need to), and do some kind things like get him a DVD or a magazine with the supermarket shop if he's bedridden with it because just knowing someone thought of you makes you feel better.

Nurse Shite-ingale!

I love it. I am one too. I really have no truck with DH when he’s ill, my sympathy is all learned behaviour. Think a GCSE drama student saying things like ‘how awful the sickness that has befallen you, let me place mine hand upon your brow, might you die?’

I try and make up for it by doing nice practical things. Like making sure the bed is comfortable and he has clean pjs, buying lucozade, that sort of thing.

It’s really terrible because woe betide him when he is not a constant source of sympathy and comfort when I’m ill myself

*as well as you, not "instead of you"