I feel like becoming a parent ruined my life. AIBU to feel this way?

[Pinkrose1111]

Before I start, obviously I love my son that goes without saying. However he is 3 years old now and I had him quite young (22) his dad (25) and he is such a handful. Very big for his age and likes to push, slap, etc. He can be an angel at times and other times literally a typical terrible 3s. Coupled with maintaing a full-time job, I just have 0 enjoyment for parenting. I never ever wanted to be a mum, I got pregnant by accident on birth control and didn't have the heart to go through with the abortion. And although I don't regret my decision of not having an abortion I do find myself regretting that I had ever gotten pregnant in the first place. My life before my DS was great. My career was going amazing was making lots of money despite being soo young. Was able to workout everyday, travel, had lots of friends. Now I'm always tired. Despite being only 26 I feel about 50 and have aged soo much in the years since being a mum. Don't even get the chance to shower/bath some days (I know it's gross but I'm just sooo tired all the time) It just doesn't get any easier, and I just don't see any light at the end of the tunnel. And I just feel trapped and feel to cry everyday. With no idea what to do to make this any better. Sorry to rant but I'm just at my wit's end. I feel like a horrible person because compared to most other mums I have alot of help, DS's father does alot and takes him on the weekends, he's in nursery 9-4 3 days a week. And my mother is absically a full-time live in nanny. To look after him when I'm working or need someone to babysit. But despite all this help I still can't handle it the burden of being responsible for someone else 24/7 for EVERYTHING. I feel like I'm a kid myself and still figuring myself out and can't even deal with someone else. I just think I wasn't ever meant to be a mother and getting pregnant was a hugeeee mistake. I don't know what to do or what I thought I'd achieve my posting this. Maybe someone else could offer some insight as to what I'm feeling is normal or if I should seek professional help. 😩

This does get easier. You need to put some boundaries in so you can shower every day etc, but yes giving up daily workouts abs so on is part of parenting young child, but only for a few years. It's not the end of your life, it's just different life.. and it'll come back- you're very young you'll still be young when he's more independent. Hang in there

Thank you, this made me a feel a lil better 🥺

You are dealing with a lot of shock here, have you considered counselling at all to talk things through? I've struggled with how much my life has changed since becoming a parent and it wasn't what I started counselling for, but it's certainly something that's cropped up a lot and has been bothering me more than I realised!

I don't think you're alone..

Lots of people regret/or at any rate don't really enjoy being a parent, and they don't have the excuse of having got pregnant by accident at 23. It's hard having a toddler, especially when you feel you are missing out on the life you wanted at this age.

Anyway, it will get better, although you may never love the little kid phase. Stick in some boundaries re showers, time to work out / go out etc. Great you have help from your mum. Can his Dad take him a bit more so you get a proper day off a week? Can he just take on the mental burden more so you don't feel it's all on you??

I think counsellor would be a good idea, so you can work out how to make your life work as well as it can for you. And keep remembering it will get better.

I had one by accident at 22. It was hard but now she is an adult and independent and I am still young. I picked up my career again when she was five. I will be a young grandmother with lots of energy. There are huge advantages to having a baby early, you just haven't reached those stages yet. Life will get better.

Cakeonthefloor makes a good point. You are at an advantage in that when your DS is independent, you can get back on with career progression and have a good, interrupted run at it, if that's what you want. Some of the women I know who are most successful and senior in their careers had their children young.
In the meantime, I think a counsellor is a good idea, even if it just gives you some space to concentrate on you once a week to begin with.

Thanks for all your comments! They have all made me feel slightly better, going to just take it one day at a time and try to stay positive. Wine also helps haha.

I was 24 when I had my first and it has been very difficult. I was on my own for years with them too - and felt totally overwhelmed at times. I remember having a mouse infestation. The mice would wake me up at night and I’d have to Hoover their poos off the carpet every morning. I was completely unable to get on top of anything and my life was a pigsty. Kids crying and sceeeching just felt so stressful. Makes me so sad to think about now. I had the same as you - help from family, dad took kids on weekends, but I just couldn’t get it together.

It got easier. Easier and easier every week, especially when both my kids went to school.

My life is no breeze now, but I have continued to work full time and now have a career worth working for. My kids are both becoming more and more independent and they’re actually fun to be with. We have routines and really lovely friends.

What helped me was joining a church (I’m not a believer but found the social side hugely helpful), making lots of local friends with children to spend time with, good sleeping and eating routines and not drinking at all (made me feel very low). Lots of dancing round the living room with children, going out in nature as much as possible and nurturing relationships with others. It will get easier - hang on XX