The conversation that decides it all

[Mike111711]

Hey all...I have nowhere else to post this...but I guess this is a start.
Been with my partner for nearly 10 years. We have a beautiful daughter.

PROBLEM
It's not working....
First things first. I am at centre stage. You guessed it. Neither my partner or mother have spoken in 4 years...
There are a number of things that are causing tension between me and my partner.
We are cut from a different cloth...she sees things differently as do I but we compromise.
But if the mention of my family arises, my partner gets her back up. Now both my mother and partner have had their differences. There are things my mother has said in anger towards my partner. But who doesn't get pissed off every now and then.
When we first got together the idea was that my partner would come live with me. Her family was 1.5 hrs away.
Things didn't work out living with my family. So tensions got high and we left to live near her family....
Things were OK when we moved with her family....but they were not great.
I could go on and on about what has happened up until now.
But the situation is this.

I am put in scenarios where my partner can continue with life invite her family at a moments notice...but I can only see my family every 2 weeks.
Now I am not being stopped from seeing my family. But the issue I have is life is much easier for her yet me and my family have to sacrifice. Time with my family is borrowed because we came to live near her family..(3 minutes away) and my family is 1.5hrs away from where we live. Shit really...
Now my partner is saying that I am more concerned with spending time with my family and I am not interested in doing anything with her or her family.
Frankly I do feel her family wouldn't care if I was not on the scene.
The problem is, we are both resentful towards eachother....question is will that resentment go away...personally I don't think it can...

Would really want anyone's advice on how to move forward with this.

It really depends what the falling out was between your partner and mother. If your partner has a good reason not to want your mother around (e.g. has been abusive/insulting) then you sound unsupportive. If there isn't a good reason then she's unreasonable to want less contact.

Seeming your dparents every two weeks sounds like quite regular contact.

Is there an issue in your relationship with her parents? Are you avoiding them or not being polite? Is there a reason your partner thinks you aren't engaged in the relationship?

Resentment can be addressed, if you both want to
Family therapy/couples therapy can be very good.

I am put in scenarios where my partner can continue with life invite her family at a moments notice...but I can only see my family every 2 weeks. Isn’t that what life would have been like for your DP before she fell out with your family and you moved?

What did your mum say to her? Did you take your mum’s side over hers?

What have you done to try and fix it? I mean, things like couples counselling etc?

I don’t think that there are many relationships that don’t go through difficult periods at one time or another. The first response shouldn’t be ‘Well this isn’t much fun, I’m off’, especially if you have a child.