Anna Wharton’s essay on her abusive relationship

[SW1amp]

Sorry if there is another thread on this - I couldn’t find one

Has anyone else read the essay by the journalist Anna Wharton on her horrific ex husband, the lead singer of The Bluetones, and the abuse she suffered at his hands

Incredibly brave of her for writing this, and hope all the women involved can find some peace

annawharton.substack.com/p/if-im-lying-come-sue-me

I read it and not that it's relevant but it's beautifully written. (Not surprising considering she's a journalist).

I'd never heard of the band but the man sounds awful. That said I've always felt a bit conflicted about this kind of justice-seeking because of the lack of due process and that it could be open to abuse (which we saw for eg with Aziz Ansari) but on the other hand I appreciate that on the other otherwise this guy will just keep on doing what he's been doing and hurting more women.

I met him a few times back in the late 90s/early 00s as he was friends with my brother. He was always so charming and personable.
I did however have a few misgivings about him - based on snippets that didn’t entirely add up and didn’t compliment his ‘nicest man in pop’ title at the time. Nothing big though. Just that he could be a bit more feckless than he’d have people believe.
I read an article Anna Wharton wrote years ago about her pregnancy with him, and whilst I found it surprising, I could easily believe it.
This article goes so much deeper. What an awful man. Those poor women and their families. I hope his reputation is properly tarnished and I hope the people he hurt recover.

I always liked the band, but never really heard anything about him. He didn't have the big personality like the others around at that time did. What a horrible bloke.

Her other essays were also beautifully written and incredibly insightful. I’d never heard of her before but will be following her. Thank you for recommending it.

From The Guardian…
“I may have been thoughtless and selfish in some of the dealings in my personal life of late, but these allegations of abuse and gaslighting are wholly untrue, and I refute them completely.”
The frontman went on to say that his personal life had “certainly gotten into a hell of a tangle, people have undoubtedly been hurt because of me” and that “in many ways, all this coming to light is a great relief,” adding: “I am sincerely sorry for everything to anyone caught up here.”

So he’s pretty much admitting to the double life relationships (the provable part) and denying anything else. Sounds like bullshit if you ask me Mark!

I believe her. God he sounds like an absolute nutcase, she's well rid.

However.

I don't agree that she's saying this to protect other women from him. She had evidence of the absolute worst of his behaviour and took him back repeatedly.

She says they met and fell in love and he already had a three year old. How would the mother of that three year old describe the situation? If she'd warned her, would she have ended the relationship? I would think she almost certainly wouldn't have done.

Despite all of this man's vicious and controlling behaviour, including life threatening physical violence, her final line in the sand was him being in bed with someone else.

Her anger towards his friends, colleagues etc is misplaced imo. If the actual women who are being treated like crap aren't able or willing to cut ties with him, it's a stretch to think that people less intimately involved with the situation have a responsibility to do something.

He's gaslit them too anyway surely.

@LongRoseAhead

From The Guardian… “I may have been thoughtless and selfish in some of the dealings in my personal life of late, but these allegations of abuse and gaslighting are wholly untrue, and I refute them completely.” The frontman went on to say that his personal life had “certainly gotten into a hell of a tangle, people have undoubtedly been hurt because of me” and that “in many ways, all this coming to light is a great relief,” adding: “I am sincerely sorry for everything to anyone caught up here.”

So he’s pretty much admitting to the double life relationships (the provable part) and denying anything else. Sounds like bullshit if you ask me Mark!

In her essay, she says he accepted a police caution for throttling her, after she showed the police his finger marks around her neck.

So how can he now deny any abuse took place? I would have had to accept responsibility in order to have the caution.

So it is clearly bullshit - there is no way should would falsely state there is a caution against him, in an article called 'If I'm lying, come and sue me'

His arrogance is breathtaking

So it is clearly bullshit - there is no way should would falsely state there is a caution against him, in an article called 'If I'm lying, come and sue me'
His arrogance is breathtaking

Totally agree

'a hell of a tangle' makes it sound like a Doris Day and Rock Hudson screwball comedy.

In fact, he knowingly trashed the lives of innocent children.

I feel so angry at yet another man controlling and gaslighting their wife (partners). What a fucking bastard!

I feel like I have a lot to say here but am rather lost for words. I had a soft spot for him but believe her totally.

Good for her for writing it. I believe her because I've been in an emotionally abusive relationship with a gaslighter.

A lot of people who can only believe what they've personally experienced will label her bitter or something. But I believe her completely.

@TraceyLacey
Yes I get that. I like the music and he has a very affable, self deprecating public persona. It’s disappointing. But I totally believe her too. And I wish this getting more publicity, yet I fear it won’t and he’ll side step it and carry on with his very loyal fan base dismissing it too.

@MorrisZapp

'a hell of a tangle' makes it sound like a Doris Day and Rock Hudson screwball comedy.
In fact, he knowingly trashed the lives of innocent children.

Sorry pressed send too soon.

It’s so trivialising and dismissive isn’t it?!
Awful man.

Ah flip. I like The Bluetones. There’s no one left to listen to without hating yourself a bit. I believe her though.

What a prick