Changing schools to a 'better' school when child is happy where they are

[ladybirdsaredotty]

DD2 is in Y3. She seems happy at school, has quite a few friends. She's always tired but that's just how she is.

I made the mistake of looking round schools recently (DS is due to start school in 2022). This has reminded me what schools can be like. I worry that, as sweet as the staff are and as lovely as it is for the younger years, her current school is a bit lacking in some ways: only tend to go on local school trips, don't really teach them actual PE (just seem to chuck a ball round a bit or play a fun game), don't have many facilities so things like cooking are quite rare, never do school plays except for a cute Christmas performance. It also got RI in the most recent Ofsted (from 'Good'), although that was over 3 years ago. The report mainly criticised them for not 'pushing' the brightest children. My kids are all bright. The school's results have also got worse (although of course no primaries have had results for the last 2 years) and are in the lowest category for maths. They've recently changed into an academy but without a crystal ball it's difficult to know how this will change things. They used to fill every Reception space but last year only filled half.

There is a space in Y3 at another local school. It's 'Outstanding,' and was also my first choice when choosing a school for DD1 (Y5 and adores current school, definitely won't be moving and there isn't a space for her anyway-she didn't get in in Reception).

However this other school is also CofE, and this is a big part of the school by all accounts. We are not religious and DP is quite adamantly against faith schools for primary. It is also very academic and the children do lots more homework than at the current school, and I don't think DD2 will be thrilled with this.

DP thinks moving DD2 would be 'disastrous' and that she can't really make a decision at 7. The school say we have to apply for the place and be offered it before she can look round (we have both already looked round on the usual parent tours, but we didn't bring her for various reasons). DD2 doesn't seem sure what to say when we talk to her about it-she originally said she 'might' want to move but then will say she doesn't want to look round. DP thinks she's sure about this but to me she pauses for ages and actually sounds quite unsure. I also think it's impossible for her to decide without even seeing the school, but also that if she sees it and likes it she can't accurately weigh that up with what she'll lose from leaving her current school.

Both schools are YR-Y6.

Thanks if you've got this far! I feel totally ambivalent about it and it's causing me a huge amount of stress and anxiety. DP has said he doesn't mind her looking around (although we'd have to apply for a place first) but I know he's quite against the whole thing so I feel massive pressure to get it right. Obviously if she moved then DS would hopefully go to the same school.

Please help. What would you do? Thanks

I wouldn’t move her. If she’s happy where she is then she’ll be learning at a good pace. Maybe not at the fastest pace she’s capable of, but that won’t hold a child back for life. Whereas I did read once that moving school puts a child back a term, plus you don’t know she’ll be happy.

I also think it's impossible for her to decide without even seeing the school, but also that if she sees it and likes it she can't accurately weigh that up with what she'll lose from leaving her current school.

Do you really think your 7-year-old child will be capable of that kind of complex thinking?

@Naughtynovembertree

I would always go with the best education you can. Let her look around but at 7 can she really make this descion? I moved my dd at 13. I am so bloody glad I did! She was semi happy at her ood school but always seemed flat coming home. Now every day she tells me about someone or something!!

It’s very different age 13 to 7 though. I’d move a 13 year old if I thought their secondary school wasn’t enabling them to reach their potential, but not a happy 7 year old.

You can do tge .users and trips and music lessons
She us happy
She is fine where she is
Focus on seco ndary choices

There's no way I'd move her. She's happy and settled and her educational future outcomes will not be negatively impacted by not moving.

My dc do museums, days out, baking etc with us at home. That's not what I send them to school for. Going to a museum as a group of 30 or 60, on a coach and filling in worksheets in a clipboard...not sure that's better than going as a small family group with a much better ratio of adults to children and the chance to linger where you're interested etc.

There's a flash school near us that lots of people move to but it is very large, so many DC are just one of crowd, and the flash facilities go hand in hand with a leadership team that are v focussed on how things look, marketing themselves etc. I am much more interested in a small nurturing school that may be shabby but has a genuine interest in the children rather than how the social media pictures look.

Remember that Ofsted don't necessarily have the same priorities as you.

I'd choose happy and friends over a 'better' school.
I have personal experience of this. Happiness has to come first.

Thank you, thank you. You're all lovely for taking the time to reply, it's really helping

@Warmduscher nope, I don't think she's capable of it, which is I think what I said. Even if she looks round, I don't think she can weigh it all up. I can't myself and I'm not 7! It's easier at 4 (you choose) and 11 (They choose but obviously you have an input and I would certainly be veto-ing a school I thought was awful) but 7 is a funny grey area where they know enough to have an opinion and understand some of the nuances but not really enough to see the big picture.

@Personwithrage you make several good points. We are always some of the last to leave anywhere we visit, we really don't rush around and yes, it's impossible to replicate that with 30 or more kids, you're quite right.

I also agree with the 'small and nurturing' comments, which is exactly how I'd describe their current school. It's wonderful for the lower years (in my opinion), it's only for the older years I think they do need a bit of a kick to do a bit more with them (although to be fair they've just announced a potential residential trip for them). I also know they're a bit more cautious around covid than some schools and it's a bit mean to judge them for that really. Definitely agree with your Ofsted/social media comments, too

@Naughtynovembertree thank you...on paper I would definitely go with the best education I can get for them BUT I'm more worried about her happiness. I'm glad it worked out for your daughter but mine does come home every day pleased with something she's done. That could easily be the case at the other school, too, maybe even more so. But I don't know if I'm willing to chance it. Also agree with people saying that the decision is different at 7 to 13.

I've only recently had negative thoughts about her current school and I've always been pleased they don't do much homework as in my heart of hearts I don't really think they should be doing much at primary (plus we've been too exhausted having 3 young kids to facilitate much of it up to this point!)

@RaoulDufysCat interesting, thank you. Our DDs sound quite similar in those respects and it's good to know it's worked out well for yours

I Know what you mean. Is she thriving there though?
I agree with homework is superfluous if they are already grasping things in class, it's reinforcement.

The dd I moved barely did any hw and infact at two points at primary I asked that she be allowed to stop doing the little she had as it crushing her enthusiasm.
However she's still a top grade student, hugely self motivated she's thriving at grammar now.
It depends I suppose on your dd and her intellect.
My other dd for instance is going to need a totally different approach for "her" and her needs.

I just wouldn't be afraid to move at that age if they are stable, one dd wasn't stable and I agonised over moving her because she was so behind.

If it ain't broke, don't fix it...

'My child is happy, should I disrupt them and make them unhappy in the short term in the hope that in the longer term they will be no less happy than they are now'

I would never move my child if they were happy and getting on well academically unless it was practically unavoidable.

@Naughtynovembertree we actually have parent's eve tomorrow so we'll see what the teacher says but yes, she's only really had comments about her confidence (she can be hesitant to start things as she's worried she'll fail, which was exactly how she was with schoolwork with us in lockdown), not her ability. I can definitely relate to the homework crushing their confidence thing as I do feel this might be the case for her at this stage. She's generally towards the higher end of things academically although the pandemic has probably muddled this a bit.

@rrhuth thank you. In the past I have definitely felt that there would have to be massive things wrong with a school (or happening at school) to even think about moving a child. I think that a few negative things keep adding up in my head and then I looked round schools and now I'm thinking about it. Also I always thought that their current school is better for infants and the other school better for juniors, and the fact that it's Y3 she'd be moving fits into this. But that makes it all sound like a simple mathematical formula when it's more nuanced than that in reality and I don't think I can ultimately bring myself to risk her happiness when the negatives of the current school aren't really insurmountable.

Well.. It's each individual situation and what that child is capable of.
My older dd was "doing well" "in her old school and had friends.
However she wasn't thriving and being in the best place for her at all.
I asked in here before I moved her and was told, don't move her, it's good to have local friends etc.
My dd said she adores getting out of our town and visiting friends in places she didn't know.
It's quite Claustrophobic to us to stay in our town.
The quality of everything she does is just fabulous and I can forget about her if you know what I mean education wise.
Dd2 has stayed put but only because she is much more complex, highly strung, and I pay for tutors to plug the gap.

Dc make friends and at that age a new starter is like a super star!

We did this with DS2 for all the reasons you say. On paper it was a no brainer. In reality we regretted it and later saw it really was a huge mistake.

We took a reasonably confident 7 yr old away from his friends and familiar surroundings and put him in a school where friendships had already been cemented, so it was really difficult to establish himself. In the 4 years he was there he never quite fitted in and it wasn't as great a school as its reputation suggested. We couldn't justify moving him again and it was ok but we should never have done it.
So, no, I wouldn't do it.

@Naughtynovembertree I can definitely see your arguments. I do think she'd make friends but I just can't tell exactly how that would go and also if she'd enjoy the other aspects of the school. Sounds like you certainly made the right decision for your DD, though A bit of me is tempted to just 'go for it' but I'm scared of what could happen. It is the fact that she might adore the other school that has me stalling!

@campion thank you so much for sharing that and I'm truly sorry that you feel you made the wrong decision. It's so very difficult when you cannot know everything that will happen at either school in the future.