DH's work Christmas party clashes with mine, is it ok to ask DD's friends parents who I am good friends with, if they will have her for a playdate?

[Goldenbear]

The title says it all really. DH has a Christmas party - one that is client based and one that is the office. The client one clashes with my work Christmas 'do'. We are actually just going to just have drinks at a pub after work and some bar snacks so not a formal dinner. I am good friends with DD's parents, in fact I go out with them to the pub, evenings at each other's homes. DH said he can't miss either as it is a relatively new job and the client one is really important for bonus potential etc. He said we should ask but do you think this is ok or is it never ok to ask for a playdate? DH said he will do one in return but goodness knows when that will be (possibly a weekend) as he works late and is away for work quite a bit. In reality it will fall to me but that's fine. I just don't know if they will feel obliged.

If they’re good friends and this isn’t something you throw at them every week then I think it’s absolutely fine. Do it with all the usual British-style couching and apologetic noises for asking and they aren’t going to think you’re a cheeky fucker.

I think it's fine if you're good friends.

How old is your daughter? I’m sure it’d be fine. Maybe get them a bottle of wine as a thank you?

Of course ask! That’s what friends are for. Offer an exchange.

If you're good friends then of course it's okay. We often babysit for our friends and vice versa.

ComtesseDeSpair, I'm good at the quintessential English apologetic style 😄 so the delivery will be no problem I think it is my Britishness that is holding me back as in am I taking the piss and are they going to grown inwardly. I have been told my DD is easy to host for as she is quiet and polite but I hope that is the case.

girlmom21, yes we are good friends and I have picked up one of the girls (DD's friend) in an emergency before. But this isn't an emergency so hence my trepidation.

The alternative is to find a good local babysitter (paid), so that you have a certain amount of freedom for when such clashes occur again. And if he is away a lot that you can have some opportunity to get out for a walk, food shopping in peace, or a movie etc.

We have never had family to rely on, so we had au pairs for 4 years while DH was away 50% for work (2 weeks away, 2 weeks here, but working FT in both locations) and we later found a good pair of sisters living locally who we could call on.

DD is 10 so not particularly a challenging age. She has a 14.5 year old older brother and it crossed my mind that he could collect her from primary school and head home with her but it is about 1.5 miles from his secondary school and he'd have to run to collect her on time. Plus, he has watched her before but he's never collected her and then watched her.

Yes, you are right as in we are good friends I would say, I am friends with both parents. One time I had their DC over the DC used up all my loo roll messing about and later on the Dad had delivered me some with a bottle of wine and left it outside my door as they felt awful about it so I would say we are pretty good friends.

A bottle of wine for them is a good idea.

She’s 10?! Yes it’s fine. Might be a big ask for an 18 month old but for a 10 year old, asking politely is fine.

Biddypop, yes, I know i just posted the age of my son so you hadn't seen that but that is a good point, I do have a friend that lives close to the school and her daughter is 17 and is a paid babysitter but it is the issue of my son being embarrassed etc if I asked her. He does sometimes babysit but we haven't gone far form the house and we have left them together. He is distracted by things like PS4 so I just don't know if he is responsible enough yet to navigate picking her up 1.5 miles away walking home with her when it is getting dark with busy roads and walking 1.5 miles again from the primary school to home.

Yes, I know it does sound a bit silly just overworried about putting on people. I have to hope now that they don't have Christmas work parties that clash.

Just ask, what's the worst that can happen?

I recently asked a friend to babysit my daughter. I say a 'friend', I barely know her but do know her kids and have friends who are close to her. It was, basically, a playdate and she was more than happy to oblige, and didn't want to be paid.

If she'd said no it wouldn't have been the end of the world.

I think that sounds fine - I try to pre-emptively offer playdates when I am free and have the energy and that way I feel I have a bit of goodwill "banked" - so I took a couple of DC's friends trick-or-treating with us -wasn't any extra work for me and I know one set of parents took the chance to go round to their neighbours for a couple of drinks. So if you were feeling bad about it you could offer to reciprocate one day/evening in the Christmas holidays - one extra 10-year-old isn't that much bother though.

Yes do ask! My DS friends' parents and I would often cover babysitting so the others could go out. I was more than happy to cover any night in the run up to Christmas as an overnight though so I could go to bed and this sometimes included taking their child to school (the same school). I always did New Year's Eve and so many of his friends' parents would do any date or many dates for this!

Can she walk home from school and they stay at home together?

If not requesting a playdate is fine though.

Q123R, you are right as in it is only a question. I suppose often people are more helpful than you think especially is we offer something in return.

AtomicBlondeRose, yes I do try to do the same and there is a club they go to where I often collect and playdate afterwards. I suppose they may even want help with babysitting for Christmas parties at their workplaces.

user1471538283, wow, that is very generous of you but I suppose if it works for you all. This is kind of the friendship we do have so I don't know why I am so nervous about asking. It wouldn't be that late because my Christmas 'do' will start mid afternoon and I can get the train home about 7ish, I will be able to collect at 8.

NellieBertram, she hasn't walked home so far as we live the furthest from the school (1.5 miles) and she hasn't got anyone to walk with through a subway. Also, there is a very dangerous rat run that is busy and is hard to cross if you can't see above the cars parked up which she can't as she is quite small for her age. She is going to start walking to school, meeting a friend on route when the spring is here but I'm too worried about it at the moment.