Do you let your teens game in their bedrooms?

[TeenyParent]

So my son started gaming online when he was 8. It was mostly Minecraft with his friends so fairly innocent. At the time I was wary of him having a computer in his room so we just set him up on my work computer downstairs. I work in the day and he has it after school and weekends.
He is now a young teen and I am wondering if it’s time I let him have something set up in his room. On the one hand I like the fact he is around with the family atm. On the other hand he is enveloped in his game. He also needs to learn to self limit his gaming at some point as left to his own devices he would be on all day. At present we insist on a certain amount of time off the games. But I’m wondering how others manage this with this age group.
Most of his peers seem to have computers in their rooms, some with a 9pm curfew but a couple are left completely to their own devices, meaning they game till the early hours.
For reference I leave my phone charging downstairs when I go to bed, I think we all need some time away from our electronic devices.

I have gamed for many years. DS was not allowed a console or tv in his room till he was 16. Because I have gamed and know what its really like.

Whatever console he has make sure it is set up with parental controls. The reason I was so strict and kept an eye on his set up is because I have been playing online games for a while. Some games have worse communities than others. But the stuff I have heard on comms and the messages sent that I have heard of from friends and have received myself. There is no way you want a child or anyone hearing them. It’s not just swearing. I’m friendly with a woman who runs a well known all woman clan who regularly receives rape and death threats as she is very vocal about women In gaming. I streamed for a while but the harassment was awful so stopped.

I had to regulate DS gaming because he would have been on all the time, no gaming in the evening after dinner ever.

One way to avoid conflict is to understand the nature of online gaming. Some games have timed missions but most are opened ended. For instance I did a raid yesterday in an MMO style game. It took us 1 hour 5 minutes, I have known of people that have been stuck in that raid for 5 hours. Battle Royale games such as Fortnite and Apex are hard to predict you could be out in the first minute or still going 20 minutes later. Just give a warning when you want them. I will say dinner or whatever in 30 mins. You really can’t pause online games in almost all circumstances.

Children need firm boundaries because who wouldn’t do what they want all the time if they like it and think they can get away with it. The same applies to adults but at that point we have to let them make their own mistakes.

Arrg, I hear what you’re saying but after dinner is the time all his school friends game. I guess with lockdown they all used it as a way to still socialise when they were kept away from each other. We also relaxed on the amount of time he was allowed as we were all stuck inside and there is a limit to how many board games you can play!
Maybe he needs to stay playing in the family space for now, I just feel like the only one not letting their teen have a pc set up in his room.

Your attitude towards technology is a bit odd tbh. I don’t know anyone who leaves their phone downstairs at night. For one thing you need the alarm and the torch, and what if you get an emergency call? I wouldn’t have any qualms about letting a child have a computer in their bedroom but we are heavy users of technology.

We don't have the space for him to game anywhere else which I'm sure is true for a lot of people.
As long as homework and household jobs get done and he goes to bed at a reasonable hour, I don't mind. I don't see gaming as any worse than being glued to your phone to hours.

We limit all tech to downstairs. Many adults struggle to regulate their screen time. Bedrooms are for sleeping.

@dannydyerismydad

We limit all tech to downstairs. Many adults struggle to regulate their screen time. Bedrooms are for sleeping.

Does that include doing homework? That's only practical if you have a large enough house for everyone to have quiet spaces.

@RedskyThisNight

We don't have the space for him to game anywhere else which I'm sure is true for a lot of people. As long as homework and household jobs get done and he goes to bed at a reasonable hour, I don't mind. I don't see gaming as any worse than being glued to your phone to hours.

So do you let yours have their phone in their room overnight? Do you not worry about the blue light having a negative effect on their sleep?

Do you not worry about the blue light having a negative effect on their sleep?
Night shift settings on the phone tint the screen yellow to prevent sleep issues. Wear blue light glasses too if you’re really worried. But it’s not something I’ve ever really considered.

@LucentBlade

I have gamed for many years. DS was not allowed a console or tv in his room till he was 16. Because I have gamed and know what its really like.

Whatever console he has make sure it is set up with parental controls. The reason I was so strict and kept an eye on his set up is because I have been playing online games for a while. Some games have worse communities than others. But the stuff I have heard on comms and the messages sent that I have heard of from friends and have received myself. There is no way you want a child or anyone hearing them. It’s not just swearing. I’m friendly with a woman who runs a well known all woman clan who regularly receives rape and death threats as she is very vocal about women In gaming. I streamed for a while but the harassment was awful so stopped.

I had to regulate DS gaming because he would have been on all the time, no gaming in the evening after dinner ever.

One way to avoid conflict is to understand the nature of online gaming. Some games have timed missions but most are opened ended. For instance I did a raid yesterday in an MMO style game. It took us 1 hour 5 minutes, I have known of people that have been stuck in that raid for 5 hours. Battle Royale games such as Fortnite and Apex are hard to predict you could be out in the first minute or still going 20 minutes later. Just give a warning when you want them. I will say dinner or whatever in 30 mins. You really can’t pause online games in almost all circumstances.

Children need firm boundaries because who wouldn’t do what they want all the time if they like it and think they can get away with it. The same applies to adults but at that point we have to let them make their own mistakes.

Reading this has been really helpful. I've got a 10yo currently at the online Minecraft stage - I'm not a gamer at all, but ExH is an obsessive one - and I know it'll progress further the older he gets.

ExH is ENTIRELY tone deaf when it comes to appropriate boundaries regarding online gaming communities, and he's all too happy to let both the 10 and 7yo (!) game online during his contact time, without any kind of supervision.

ExH reckons it's all harmless, at all times. It's good to have affirmation from another gamer on here that it REALLY isn't, so thank you @LucentBlade

Do you not worry about the blue light having a negative effect on their sleep?

Not going on any devices for the period immediately before going to bed is a good sleep habit. Doesn't matter if it's a phone or a console.
I can't say I worry about blue light particularly.

If the DC were sleep deprived and/or not sensible, perhaps I'd think differently. DS gets up at 5.30am 3 mornings a week (part time job) so he knows full well that being up all hours on devices means he's likely to doze off during the day and so self regulates.

We have 2 living rooms so DS games in one of those, if we didn't he would definitely have the console in his bedroom (he's 13) but with the door open and a time limit. We're not very strict about how long he's on there for (eg he will sometimes be on all day on a quiet Saturday) but during the week he's off by 8pm. He's got a good balance to his life, likes being out doors etc.

Homework gets done at the downstairs table. Again, left to his own devices he will daydream, get distracted, do nothing, so if he's downstairs we can gently prompt him when he drifts off into space cadet territory. And remind him that console is nearby when homework is done. If it gets done. No gaming before homework and music practice.

I don’t know anyone who leaves their phone downstairs at night. For one thing you need the alarm and the torch, and what if you get an emergency call?

😂 I have an Alexa to use as a clock and alarm and I have never ever thought that I might need a torch in the night! Granted I suppose I might get an emergency call but 99% of things can be picked up at 6am when I get up.

DS11 now has his Xbox in his room as it’s a hub of his social life but it’s got screen time on, and is restricted after 8pm . His phone is too -tho he’s not allowed that in his room at bedtime as it seems to sometimes flash up incoming messages. I put it in his room when he’s asleep so he can get up to the alarm.

BeautyGoesToBenidorm it’s like real life most people are ok but there are 1 or 2 in a hundred who are just downright offensive. I wonder what your partner finds offensive? I mean teabagging in PVP is generally accepted by gamers. I don’t like it, plus how does he feel about hearing people say suck my dick, it’s used as an insult by some when they beat someone else. No one should want their kid to risk hearing that.

I lock myself in a party in PvP games so I cant hear randoms and they can’t hear me.

I have gone in to open party chat, there is a special kind of visceral hatred reserved for women gamers by some male gamers. Men that are really good at gaming do not attack women in games it’s lower skilled males who do.

No electronics upstairs at all for our family. Kids are 15,13 and 10.

Boys would be on their phones all night otherwise.

DS1 is 13 next month. We don't have any devices upstairs, only a TV in mine & DH's room. DS1 plays Xbox in the dining room.

We all leave our phones downstairs overnight. We have an alarm clock & a lamp if we need those. We have never yet received an emergency call, but if one of us (including DC) is out overnight or if we are expecting an urgent call we leave them somewhere we can hear them.

Good to hear I’m not being over cautious, I guess the time will come where he has to regulate himself but for now I’ll keep an eye on him.

Ds is 17 and yesterday for the first time the x box was taken into his bedroom. (Because he has Covid and is trying to isolate away from the rest of the family). He’s not asked before.

Not in his room, but in our office where anyone can wander in so he is aware of this. It isn't private. Other children use a console on the other side of the same room at same time so he is not allowed to use foul language.

I don't believe in TV in bedrooms.

No. No phones overnight either.

I think phones downstairs at night is a really good habit.
For teenagers bedrooms aren't just for sleeping.
My DCs have had gaming pcs in theirs rooms from when they were 11.
They game in the evening but turn it off at a reasonable time.

Both my girls love to game.

The 9 yo goes on the switch in our living room, she is allowed about an hour on there in the afternoon before dinner.

My 13yo uses a PC to play Minecraft (online), it is on the landing upstairs so not quite in her room, but away from our living area (so I don't have to hear shouting into a headset!). She is allowed about 1-2 hrs on there before dinner. Occasionally I will let her play later if she has plans to go on with friends. She will text chat with other players but only voice chats to friends.

She also has a phone which locks at 8pm and stays downstairs at night.

My husband also games in the basement on his PC or playstation, so we have 3 levels of tech here

We have no computers/phones in bedrooms. All our phones charge downstairs overnight - we have alarm clocks. DD16's pc for gaming etc is downstairs - and she's on it a lot. We're all heavy tech users so boundaries are good for all of us. It works better when it's one rule for everyone.

Yes . I would randomly check who he was playing with to make sure they were all 'knowns'. Don't get the thing about playing all night - surely you either hear them or see light under the door and it's bed now or the console is removed.

We all have our phones by our beds and use them for our alarms .