Parenting disagreement - opinions please

[thisisnotagooduseofmytime]

I would be grateful for opinions on this disagreement please! Which do you agree with - A, B or other? Thanks.

A. Give child some pocket money each week with no conditions attached. They get the same amount regardless of how school well school has gone, how many chores they've done etc. They are still encouraged to tidy up and help around the house but it is not rewarded.

B. The child has to earn money. This teaches the child the value of money and that nothing in life comes for free. The amount of pocket money increases/decreases based on good/bad behaviour.

A

@MomoMojito coincidentally parent A recently printed out an article by Alfie Kohn on this topic and left it on parent B's desk 😁

Neither is unreasonable, just different.

We give the same amount each week, but it is given on the proviso the dc do a reasonable amount around the house, and I might (theoretically, I have never had to) withdraw it if they don't.

Mine are only little but I’ll buck the trend here. I’d go for B every time.

I don’t really want to get into arguments about chores: either do it and get paid, or don’t!

A almost all the time but occasionally we have withheld money for serious rudeness. Never connected with grades, we give a small token present if effort scores on the report are good.

A, chores are an expectation and not linked to reward.

@Strawbales so what happens the day you don’t have the money? No chores get done

A, but I like Alfie Kohn as well.

B. Earn the money. I don’t understand why pp are saying “you shouldn’t pay dc to do chores they should do it anyway” but they’ll give money to their dc for doing nothing. That’s not motivation.

What we do is a monthly allowance, that remains the same but it's and agreement that as part of having and allowance the flip side is contributing to the household by doing chores. So not a reward, but the relationship between the allowance nd being a helpful part of the household is made. If moaning when reminded of chores, then a reminder of the agreement is helpful.

I tell my ds his job is to be a school boy so that is hus reward.

He does jobs because he is part of a family and we all make mess , clean up together.

Wish I had gone down the B route. 2 Dc, eldest 21 youngest 16 and they think money comes freely and have a shitty attitude towards it. The oldest is better now they are working and earning their own money but the younger one still has a lot to learn.

I guess hindsight is a wonderful thing and it's tough getting the right balance.

We do a combined system, baseline plus can earn more with chores etc.

@Ozanj

A and B

You shouldn’t reward daily household chores, they are a part of life, but you should keep a few hard slog tasks you don’t like that they can earn money for. For example I pay DN to babysit while I’m in the house. I also paid her to deep clean my cupboards when the cleaner couldn’t.

This.

Standard amount per week or month. Just enough, but not loads. Not linked to chores, though chores are expected just as being part of the household.

Gets paid for extra chores if they want something special.

A bit like universal basic income and then working to top this up.

A and B.

Ds1 gets no-strings pocket money but also earns extra by doing a job for me that I'd otherwise have to pay someone else to do.

@Strawbales

Mine are only little but I’ll buck the trend here. I’d go for B every time.

I don’t really want to get into arguments about chores: either do it and get paid, or don’t!

So who does the chores when the child refuses to?

If the child is refusing to do it, then it doesn’t make a difference if it’s linked to money or not, does it?

C

A basic rate that they get regardless with the opportunity to earn more for doing chores.

A
I think doing chores etc isnt linked to payment but this is what is expected regardless as member of this family.
Additional money could be offered for additional chores, i.e washing the car

A.

A but given bonus when needed

Chores non negotiable, they do it anyway as part of their contribution to family.

Pocket money is pocket money

@PinkMochi

B. Earn the money. I don’t understand why pp are saying “you shouldn’t pay dc to do chores they should do it anyway” but they’ll give money to their dc for doing nothing. That’s not motivation.

@PinkMochi Absolutely! And in life, you work to get money

A helping out at home is a non negotiable and you cant opt out of it if you just received some money for Christmas.