Is this PND? How can I ever recover?

[MrsB1245]

My little one has just turned 1 and for the whole year I’ve had intrusive thoughts (still as powerful as ever), I feel irritated and distant with my children. I feel better when my husband is at home but when he’s at work I am constantly clock watching and phoning to see when he is back. I wish I had the energy and the want to play with them and be the mum they deserve. All I’ve ever wanted was to be a mum and after recurrent miscarriages I don’t understand why I am like this. I should be happy I have everything I ever wanted. I am very down but try my hardest not to show them how bad I am feeling. I had two weeks after my son was born where I felt happy then the thoughts kicked in and since then it’s been a living nightmare. I haven’t felt myself since and I guess I thought all of this would be a bad memory and I would be normal by now. I have had numerous therapists/seen doctors and they’ve all given me different diagnosis’s (OCD, PND, GAD and my latest therapist thinks I’ve had psychosis but always had a foot in reality, is this possible?) I am so down as time is going on and I’m not getting better. Any advice please?

Have you had any treatment to go along with the various diagnoses?
It is entirely possible to recover when you get good treatment. For some that's medication, or CBT, ACT etc. Also have a look at Mind, and pandasfoundation.org.uk/

You are not alone with this, please be honest with your health care providers /your husband/ a good friend.
It won't always be like this x

Hi tatyr, thanks for replying. I have had CBT for the anxiety and doing more CBT now for the OCD. I just feel like my doctors/therapists aren’t on the same page and my head is scrambled by it all. It’s probably PND and OCD and need to look into this further for help.

I'm glad you're getting some help.
I had antenatal depression which was massively helped by medication. I'm still on medication around 10 years later, with a few changes and ups and downs but in general living well with it.

While in the midst of it, it does seem like a messy muddle, and can be elements of many things. Have you tried any meds or have you been trying to avoid this/they didn't help?

I’m glad you are feeling much better and medication has been good for you, gives me hope. I think I will try Sertraline, I have put it off thinking I would naturally get better but it doesn’t seem to be the case. I also worry what if I took it and it did something to me like I crash the car or become even worse than I am

It's definitely worth a try. While different types and doses work for different people, so there is usually some element of trial and error, being on the right medication for me was like having a big stormy cloud lift up and away from my head!
It allowed me to be the person I knew I was, not some horrible crotchety shouty mum. It stopped me from constantly being on the verge of tears and freezing up in Tesco's!
I think it also allows you to engage a bit better with therapy if you are not deep in the thick of your mood