My stalker has been arrested

[stalkersaga]

And I really don't know how I feel about it.

He's filed multiple police complaints about me, contacted others making allegations about me, broken into my house. He was, and is, a complete stranger.

I don't feel any guilt about his arrest, just for clarity. More that he'd left the country, I'd been told multiple times he never intended to return, and now he has, and indeed is bailed and at large, just when I was trying to move on with my life. I also strongly suspect that the prosecution and conviction process will be a letdown overall.

I just really don't know how I feel or what to do or say. This is what I wanted to happen. And it has. But.

pre-charge or post charge bail?
Did they put any conditions on the bail?

If you contact victim support they can help you work though how you feel.

pre-charge or post charge bail?
Did they put any conditions on the bail?

I think it's pre-charge as they are deciding on severity of the charges. He's not permitted to approach me or our home. He has no previous, and the police have not impressed me with how they've handled it.

I do have a victim support caseworker although I'd recently eased off support as I was doing better; I guess I'd better re-engage.

now is the time to contact them. The police aren't the best at dealing with this, neither are the cps.

But you have the protection of the bail conditions at the moment. Do you know if the police have pit a flag on your phone number in case you have to ring 999?

Yes, there's been a 999 flag on my address since before the break-in and sadly we've had cause to test it.

Thanks for your support.

I don't have anything of use to add but I just wanted to say that sounds awful. I hope you're ok and that the court process isn't as much of a let down as you're fearing. F

I also don’t have anything useful to add. It sounds bloody awful, sorry you’re having to go through this!

Do you have cameras at your home or a means of protection.

Oh, you'd better believe we're Fort fucking Knox now. Multiple cameras, bolts, chains. Neighbours are also prepped to watch the house. Personal attack alarms. Thinking of getting a dog. A big one.

I never know whether to just forget trying to work for a bit and give myself space to deal with the headfuck, or try and find some useful work to do and push through. Sigh.

forget about work for now if you can. Go and do something for yourself, shopping or a coffee something you like to do.

Oo get a Rottweiler op. Most def keeps people away.
Works for ils also!!

The most dangerous thing about a well trained dog is it’s tail (wagging) and it’s desire to protect its territory. A dog is always a good idea. However, unless you walk it together, it can leave you open and vulnerable.

As pp said, having a dog means having to take it out for walks, which might not be ideal right now. Also, plenty of dogs aren't remotely protective of their owner. And the ones that are, often have behaviour issues. So I wouldnt go down the dog route for protection.

Sounds like you've taken lots of other protective steps though.

Was it a case of he fled back to a home country? And has now come back?

So scary that it is someone you didn't even know. Has there been no reason as to when or where or why he targeted you in the first place?

Think id be tempted to move away tbh.
Hopefully the courts will do something. But tbh they are a bit shit in general :/

Oh, I'm not really serious about the Rottweiler thing. We were planning to get a dog anyway - I grew up with dogs - we've just decided that we might move up our timeline a bit. We wouldn't be getting a "protection" breed, but a dog that barks is still a pretty good deterrent, IMO. And a comfort.

No, there's no reason I was targeted, except that I happened to be there when mental health issues were developing. Which honestly made it creepier since I literally didn't even know him.

We'd move if we had to. But it would be expensive and a last resort.

I'm sorry you're experiencing this. sounds horrendous.
We used to have a Labrador, who was the softest, friendliest dog, loved by everyone.
She twice bailed up strange men who she didn't like the look of - one in a secluded pathway where she stood in front of me and kept growling until he'd gone, and another was a man who knocked on the door. I was expecting him to call. I was upstairs and told my son to let him know I'd be there in a minute. Came down and he was stood on the road - apparently the dog had growled at him until he'd left our front garden and closed the gate.
So dog could be a great help

www.suzylamplugh.org/stalking-help-and-advice

Could you contact the Suzy Lamplugh Trust/ the national stalking helpline for some specialist support whilst going through the criminal proceedings? Heavens knows you deserve all the support you can get.

Thanks all.

I should probably talk to Suzy Lamplugh, yes. I don't feel I need that much from the judicial process at this point,.other than a restraining order. But I definitely need someone to listen to all the Feelings. It's been literally a nightmare.

Sounds awful. I do agree that a dog is a comfort to have in the house if you’re concerned. At the very least they’ve got good ears and should alert you to anyone hanging about outside.

Speak to Paladin Stalking Advocacy Service, they are the experts. Also, have a look at Stalking Protection Orders.

Paladinservice.co.uk

Is there a difference between a stalking protection order and a restraining order?

@stalkersaga

Is there a difference between a stalking protection order and a restraining order?

www.cps.gov.uk/legal-guidance/stalking-protection-orders

This link explains it well. In summary, Restraining Order is linked to a criminal case (someone must be convicted and the order is put it as part of sentencing).

A Stalking Prevention Order is similar to a Non Mol Order as imposed in civil court through Police.

A Stalking Prevention Order is also similar to the Sex Offender Register as has requirements around notifying of address and changes within set timeframe

Stalking protection orders also have really good lengths - 10 years

Thanks, good to know. He's going to get convicted of something, I think - theres DNA evidence for the break in so I guess I need to figure out what to ask for if there's a chance to ask.

There is an expert on stalking (John Trott) and I'd suggest you check out his material to understand potential red flags in behaviours and risk management strategies in case it helps

@stalkersaga

Thanks, good to know. He's going to get convicted of something, I think - theres DNA evidence for the break in so I guess I need to figure out what to ask for if there's a chance to ask.

Timing is critical for requesting Restraining Order if you're dealing with a criminal case, as I understand it has to be imposed at time of being sentenced (cannot be retrospective) and CPS I believe have to ask for it (I'm a bit rusty so double check that).

If you're able to do a victim impact statement then I'd recommend seeing if you can mention within your statement that you need legal protection from him (I don't know if that's permitted but it's worth a shot).

Unfortunately I would not want to assume a Restraining Order would definitely be put in without a firm nudge as I've seen many cases without one where it is needed (admittedly mainly DV as opposed to stranger stalking)