Senior moments or something more? Worried about DM

[Rumcocktailextrarum]

Hi,

So I should say my DM (late 60's) has, for as long as I can remember, said funny/silly things, as in got words mixed up or back to front and could be easily forgetful, no sense of direction etc. It has always just been part of her and nothing concerning. If anything, it's something we all found funny, including DM.

However, over the past year or so, especially the past couple of months, I've noticed it's becoming a bit different. For example, she's forgetting names for every day items, forgetting what she was saying mid sentence etc. When I saw her yesterday, she made a sandwich with 3 layers of bread, completely unintentionally. We all laughed, including DM, but I think we were actually all a bit worried and it was probably nervous laughter.

She isn't getting lost(well...any more than usual!) or putting things in strange places, but personality wise, I have noticed she is slightly more irritable, but again, she's always been a bit like that. A short fuse and very impatient. She has started saying things a bit off too though. Things slightly crude, which she wouldn't have said before, unless maybe she has had a lot to drink. Nothing shocking, just swear words she wouldn't normally use in front of me.

My DM and DDad both drink quite a bit actually and it's recently started creeping up again. Plus DM doesn't have great sleep and is struggling with arthritic pain, so could possibly be sleep deprivation or stress? I don't know, but I do feel I might need to say something, but I honestly don't know what to say. I'm terrified actually. I can't bear to think that it could be something like dementia, obviously. I don't want to scare her.

Any advice on how to navigate this would be much appreciated.

Thank you.

There are definitely some things you mention that could be signs of age related dementia. Would she be willing to go to the GP? That can be the tricky part.

@BearFacedCheekGrylls, I think she'd say she would, but would then avoid it.

Are there any online tests? I know nothing can be diagnosed online, but I suspect this is what a GP would like do - an initial memory test.

I think all you can do at the moment is keep an eye on her. If she sees her dr for anything else you could send a letter or email to the dr expressing your concerns and asking them to check on her when she goes in - but it is quite hard to make a diagnosis early on.

Have your parents made wills and done power of attorneys for Heath and finance? I would be making sure these things are in place now.

Another vote for cause for some concern. As a first step GP would do bloods/UTI check to rule out anything like thyroid/B12 etc. Maybe suggest a checkup on that basis? If it's not a massive change but more of a progression it could be something underlying.

It is very tricky to start with. My DM has had Alzheimer’s (diagnosed) for 4 years but in hindsight she was doing some strange things for a while. She would say strange things or put things in strange places. The crunch point came when I realised she was repeating herself way too often, I would pop in and see her and she would tell me a story about something she had read in the paper then half hour later tell the story again with absolutely no recognition that she had told me already.
The other major thing was that she lost her taste/smell.
It took several GP visits before they would refer mum to the memory clinic though, they kept insisting it was normal age related stuff!
She has a memory assessment every 6 months. I go with her and they ask the exact same questions and see if her memory has deteriorated at all.
They will start by asking her the day, date and year
Ask who the prime minister is
They will say a name and address, say, Mr Davies, 3 Kingston Road, Appleton, Devon. They will ask mum to repeat it and then ask her to repeat the address several minutes later (even I get this one wrong!)
They ask mum to name as many animals beginning with, say, S within a miniute
Then will ask the address again
At the end they will ask her to draw a clock face and to draw the numbers on and will say a time and ask her to write this in the clock face. The MHN tells me this is the biggest challenge for dementia patients, they will often draw a circle and put the numbers on the outside or the hands somewhere completely different.
Hopefully, you DM is fine, it could be simply the alcohol or sleep deprivation, fingers crossed for you all.

Ime you can tell the GP of your concerns, the GP will place the letter on your mum's file.

This is a difficult time, when you have observed changes, but no one is saying anything out loud.

Do encourage both to get PoA for Finance and Health sorted.

All you can do is watch - make private notes, dated, if you like.

I do hope it isn't dementia.

Oh they also ask her to say numbers back, like 100 down to zero.

@Twoweekcruise, yes, I have seen this test on GPs behind closed doors, as has DM. When she's had one of these 'moments' I have occasionally said she should check if she can say the months of the year backwards, as I had heard this is quite a big one, but do it in a light hearted, almost jokey way, as to not really alarm her and she quite likes doing it. It's turned into a bit of a joke between us, which I know probably sounds strange. Anyway,
so far, she has been able to do this with no problems, but of course I know that this doesn't mean that much really.

How is your DM doing now?

@FlibbertyGiblets, I didn't know you could do this. That probably would be a good idea.

She sounds hungover.

Having parents with dementia, my Mum and MIL. My advice would be to find out as soon as you can because actively living with progressive memory loss - in the longer run, will keep you at home and independent longer than denying it. There's medications that do help and you can introduce things - like aids to ensure you remember to take pills on time while you can still learn and adapt.
There are a number of issues that can cause memory loss apart from dementia and a check up with the GP would be a good idea.
Wills and POA are something every older person should consider. It's very difficult for your family if you become incapable without a poa and need help.

@ModMajGeneral, permanently?

@Beamur, I think my mum's stance would be, if there is an issue, I can't do anything about it, so what's the point in knowing early? Ignorance is bliss etc. I don't agree and as you say, early intervention can actually give more of a positive outcome, but I suspect she won't be able to get past the thought of that initial horror of getting a diagnosis, which I do understand.

I would of course always dread this sort of news about my parents who wouldn't? But my DDad relies on her for EVERYTHING. That is no exaggeration, which I have always found difficult to accept/understand (different thread perhaps) but I don't think he'd know how to look after himself, let alone look after DM and they don't live that close.

I suspect he will have noticed what we have, but is just ignoring as the thought will be just too horrific for him, he won't want to address it. Just say nothing and open another bottle or wine, will probably be his stance

*of wine

You can contact her GP with your concerns, and they can try and look into it further.

We had the same thing with MIL and we emailed her GP (also our GP). They managed to get her in to the surgery on a pretext and gave her the GP Cognition test. According to her she passed with flying colours - we later found out she had scored 3 out of 9!

Do have a look on one of the websites, Age U.K., the Alzheimer's Society and Dementia U.K. all have excellent advice on how to tackle this situation.

My PIL was similar and in complete denial. We only really found out quite how unwell MIL when he suddenly died.

Mum is very much up and down. We can still have good conversations but sadly she forgets them 5 minutes later. I do loads for them and as others have suggested, I have full POA which is a god send. It is an absolute must if you have a parent with any form of dementia.

My mum has had a diagnosis of Alzheimer's and vascular dementia since 2009. I kept a written record of any strange behaviours and persuaded my mum that she needed to go with me to the GP for a medication check and I gave my notes to the doctor - my mum was angry that I'd done it but I think she knew herself. I also told her that it was something we needed ruling out as her symptoms could be other things. I felt terrible doing it - but the diagnosis got her access to support and carers plus she was able to attend day centres, which was a big help to her and us.

The crudeness can be a sign as it loss of inhibition. My mum was telling dirty jokes and rude stories, something she'd never do.