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Original poster

Panicking about changing school.

25 replies

SylvanianFrenemies · 14/11/2021 23:06

We have been house hunting for months without success. Just about to offer on a lovely place. However it would mean our DDs changing school. DD2 has just started so no big trauma. However DD1 is 10 and will be gutted to leave her friends. She doesn't like change in general. It is only a few minutes down the road so she can still see them. But obviously it's going to be different. I am torn between feeling excited about maybe finally having enough room and a garden, and feeling really upset...

Has anyone else been in a similar position? Was it ok?

OP posts:

Lovesicecreams · 14/11/2021 23:08

If so close wouldn’t it be better for your ten year old to finish primary at current school?

NuffSaidSam · 14/11/2021 23:09

If it's only a few minutes down the road can't she stay at her current school? Is she in year 6? If so, I'd do everything I could to keep her there for the rest of the year.

PastMyBestBeforeDate · 14/11/2021 23:09

If it's only a few minutes does she need to change? Is she y5 or6?

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PastMyBestBeforeDate · 14/11/2021 23:10

Oh and does the new school have a place?

Lovesicecreams · 14/11/2021 23:11

Even if she’s year 5 for lots of kids it would be HUGE to change, have 18 months then big change to senior. I would need a really good reason to do that, not just convenience for me

Lovesicecreams · 14/11/2021 23:12

I should have mentioned this happened to me. I was moved in year 6. Was awful. Honestly would say it ranks as one of the worst experiences in my life

Embracelife · 14/11/2021 23:13

Keep her at current school til.she finishes primary

Original poster

SylvanianFrenemies · 14/11/2021 23:16

We are in Scotland so a year and a half left in primary. Inclined to think she is better to make friends now and "go up" to secondary with them after p7 in August 2023.

It is a different council area so not straightforward to stay on, and definitely too far from the potential new house to the current local secondary.

Places don't tend to be an issue because almost all kids go to their local primary, we don't have this English system (that I don't fully understand) where you can be sent here, there and everywhere. Sympathies to anyone dealing with that.

OP posts:

thirdfiddle · 14/11/2021 23:17

Are you in England? Will 10 yr old be leaving primary school soon anyway, or are you in a different system? And why do you have to change school if it's only a few minutes down the road?

We moved when DS was younger and he did take a few years to properly settle. But then his previous school also shuffled classes so he could easily not have been in a form with his mate anyway; and DD while she hasn't moved, two of her close friends moved away from her. It happens. They stayed in touch for a long time and fall straight back into the friendships when they see each other.

Original poster

SylvanianFrenemies · 14/11/2021 23:17

I thought everyone would say I'm worrying too much. Maybe we need to forget this house. Just desperate to leave our flat and have the room we need.

OP posts:

thirdfiddle · 14/11/2021 23:18

sorry x post

Lovesicecreams · 14/11/2021 23:19

It sounds like you’ve made your decision. I know it was year 6 in my case so in my last year at primary and I did indeed go up to secondary with the children in he needs school, but it was so awful for me that in my 30s I sat my Dm down and we had an honest talk about it.

For some kids it would be ok. For some it won’t.

The kids in my new school had very little interest in meeting a new girl in the last year. I would have been a LOT better starting High School where lots of people were new

Lovesicecreams · 14/11/2021 23:19

Children in the new school I was trying to type

PastMyBestBeforeDate · 14/11/2021 23:21

Sorry, assumed England. Far simpler in Scotland. Better in P6 than P7 so if it's got to happen then as soon as possible. I moved my dd in y3 (P4) and it was OK but not great.

3luckystars · 14/11/2021 23:23

Well if your daughter finds change difficult, it might be the wrong time.
Can you wait until she is nearly finished school and move then.
Good luck.

Lovesicecreams · 14/11/2021 23:23

Will there be a range of feeder schools to High School? Could she finish the old school, do some social clubs with kids from the new school and move to the new High School?

Original poster

SylvanianFrenemies · 14/11/2021 23:24

Do you mean can we wait 8 years to move? No, not really.

OP posts:

Original poster

SylvanianFrenemies · 14/11/2021 23:26

Yes, there are a number of feeder schools.

Was thinking more of have her start new school but continue to go to clubs she already attends.

Shit. I really thought I was worrying too much but now I'm worrying more.

OP posts:

Lovesicecreams · 14/11/2021 23:31

It’s really hard op I’m sorry. We have a dd very unhappy at school and trying to decide if it’s sensible to move her so close to end of primary, so this is something we’ve been thinking about too. As I know from experience late primary moves not always easy

Lovesicecreams · 14/11/2021 23:32

Do you have any concerns about her otherwise? There’s no chance she could have adhd or asd at all?

Original poster

SylvanianFrenemies · 14/11/2021 23:36

Thank You. There is ASD on my side of the family. She definitely has some traits but doubtful she would be diagnosable.

She doesn't like the idea of change and is quite self critical. However she seems to cope with actual change better than most of her friends. She is very kind hearted and very popular with other children. I find that reassuring - then worry she will lose that. But we haven't had luck trying to get anything in our area, the market is very overheated.

OP posts:

Lovesicecreams · 14/11/2021 23:44

She sounds like a really lovely girl. The reason I asked was that I think I had borderline adhd myself (not dx), my niece has likely asd. So we also have neurodiversity in our family. I think that’s partly why I found the move so hard.

Might be worth factoring in that sometimes these traits can become more obvious and tricky as kids get older.

I’m sorry not to have any useful answers

Original poster

SylvanianFrenemies · 14/11/2021 23:47

Thanks, I really appreciate your thoughts.

Yes, I guess I am worried that she might find it harder to "fit in" as she gets older, and maybe she's better with friends who know her well, and like her.
Aarghhh.. no sleep for me!

Thanks again

OP posts:

Lovesicecreams · 14/11/2021 23:48

Oh god I know op not easy having sensitive dc who need really careful consideration. I hope you can find a way that works for you all and sorry it’s not entirely straightforward. She’s lucky to be in a caring family

Getoutofbed25 · 15/11/2021 00:13

We moved our daughter in P5, she has had an amazing time at the new school and has made lots of new friends. The move has been the best thing for her. She is now P7 and absolutely loves her new school, however I moved her as she had been unhappy at her old school, but she was resistant to change initially.

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