Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

Original poster

Husband wants to go to Vegas for a week on a stag do.

19 replies

Lostinmumlife · 14/11/2021 20:28

We have two children ages 2years and 6years. We don’t live near family due to my husbands job and I have very few friends near by due to moving house every few years.
Since having our second child we have only been out alone together once and I have only ever been out alone with some friends once, this is mainly due to our youngest not being happy left with anyone but us.
Recently I had started a job working evenings so I had something to do for me and it got me out the house, but this hasn’t turned out well and has caused me so much stress so I won’t be doing it for much longer.
Today my husband asked me would I mind if he went on a stag do for a week to Vegas. Now I’m not sure if it’s because my mind feels a bit all over the place with being stressed over the job I wanted to work so much or if I am just overreacting.
I can’t help but feel unhappy about him wanting to go.
What is your thoughts please ?

OP posts:

ThePlantsitter · 14/11/2021 20:32

Christ we all want to go on a stag do for a week to Vegas but it's just not possible when you have 2 small children.

1 week's annual leave
probably at least £1k cost
You entirely alone for a week and presumably never having the same opportunity

Don't feel unhappy about him wanting to go - which is surely natural - but be very cross he considers it an option and is making you make the decision! It is really unfair because of course it's going to be a no!

FindingMeno · 14/11/2021 20:33

What is it with all these stag and hen dos to far flung places for days on end? What's wrong with a piss up down the Community Club?
It very much depends on whether you can easily afford it, and how childcare can be arranged for your work.

Disfordarkchocolate · 14/11/2021 20:34

Sounds great @Lostinmumlife. I'd say that's fine but I'm having the week before away without the children and the same budget.

What is it with men not realising life is different when you have young children, for years and years not one or two.

magicstars · 14/11/2021 20:35

I wouldn't be comfortable with it. Seems way OTT, extravagant & pretty selfish unless you're multi millionaires with lots of childcare support.

DGFB · 14/11/2021 20:35

Sounds great, let him go. I president he doesn’t go every year? Of course it’s possible with small children for you to cope.
But what you absolutely must do is ensure you get the equivalent time back.
Is there anywhere you want tog with your friends?

Rainbowheart1 · 14/11/2021 20:36

I don’t see a problem with him going, it doesn’t sound like there is a problem with it either, it sounds like your upset the job didn’t work out and your back to not having much of a life outside the house.

Why is the evening job not working out? Is it because your oh is not pulling his weight? If so why is it ok for you to have the kids by yourself in the evenings whilst his away on a stag?

DGFB · 14/11/2021 20:37

Sorry for mistakes.. I presume he doesn’t go every year and is there anywhere you want to go with friends?

dickiedavisthunderthighs · 14/11/2021 20:37

Can you put your finger on why it's bothering you? If you can't afford it then it's a slam dunk. If you can and it's about you being on your own for a week with small children then that's also a no go.
I think you need to ask him how he'd feel if you went away on a week's hen.

GreenClock · 14/11/2021 20:37

Serious question - what would he say if it were you wishing to go?

Muststopeating · 14/11/2021 20:39

The time away is manageable, my DH often works away for 1-2 weeks at a time and I have 3 DC under 5, IF you will have alreSy stopped working. If not, then HE needs to find appropriate childcare and do all the packing/prep etc for it.

I don't think its completely unreasonable provided:

You can comfortably afford it.
He is completely okay with you also going away for a week and spending an equivalent amount of money.

If those 2 things are true then 'let' him go because of course he wants to, who wouldn't? But if not, then ita clearly a no!

womanity · 14/11/2021 20:40

I’d laugh him out the house if mine seriously suggested he was going to do this.

Ihaveoflate · 14/11/2021 20:40

I don't think your issue is really the stag do. Of course it's fine for one parent to go away with friends and generally have a life, so long as that opportunity is reciprocated.

I think this issue has just brought into sharp relief existing inequalities in domestic labour and life balance.

AlwaysLatte · 14/11/2021 20:40

If it's a rare occurrence, why not? Not the same I know but my husband took a few work contracts abroad, plus boys' holidays - him and his grown up sons once a year or so. But only if you can cope without him of course. If it makes you desperately unhappy he shouldn't do it.

JSL52 · 14/11/2021 20:40

Agree , let him go on the condition you get the same time to yourself.
How lovely , book yourself a cottage by the sea for a week.

littlebigtiger · 14/11/2021 20:43

I'd agree, on the condition that you also get a week away paid for out of the family budget while he minds the kids.

Amberflames · 14/11/2021 20:43

Can you afford it and will you get time away somewhere without him and the kids? If it’s difficult for you both to leave your youngest maybe some time away separately with friends is a good idea. Your kids have seen enough of you the last two years and you both deserve some fun!

If either me or OH are going away for a weekend we get our parents to come and stay to help out with the kids. Not because we can’t cope but because it’s nice to have the company and they also love to see the kids. Would that be possible at all? (Mine are retired and would gladly come for the week but appreciate that’s not always possible).

I have two weekends away with friends planned for next year already and third in the pipeline. OH has none but wouldn’t dream of telling me he didn’t want me to go.

I think it mainly comes down to finances and whether he’s generally a good father and partner and does his fair share.

Pinkchocolate · 14/11/2021 20:46

Wanting to go is fine. The issue is if you can afford it, make it work in terms of childcare and how he would react to you going. It wouldn’t bother me (if finances allowed) but my husband is fine about taking the load if I want to go away. I’ve been on a few spa weekends since we’ve had kids and he’s never moaned about picking up the slack with childcare.

userisi · 14/11/2021 20:55

My DH goes away for months at a time (including leaving me with newborns and toddlers), albeit for work, so a week for leisure wouldn't bother me at all. It would depend entirely on whether we could afford it, and comfortably so in order for me to have a similar treat!

2Hot2Handle · 14/11/2021 21:14

As another poster said, your DH is wrong making you make the decision on this, when really he should be coming to the conclusion himself that it wouldn’t be fair to his family to go.
Maybe tell him that you’d really struggle to manage on your own for a week, as no doubt he probably would, and you’re concerned about the DC going through abandonment issues, given they’re so young and won’t understand his sudden absence. Then go quiet on the subject and let him make the decision, which hopefully will be the loving, supportive one.

Flip