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Original poster

DS 21 and GF, would this bother you?

15 replies

Lightasafly · 14/11/2021 19:45

DS 21 has a lovely GF, same age, he’s coming to the end of his apprenticeship, she’s in the last year of Uni.
Im happy for the GF to stay over, she probably stays 3/4 nights a week, leaving very early when DS gets up for work.

She’s a lovely girl, polite, quiet and friendly but I hardly know her, despite her seeing for DS around 6 months now.
She’ll come here, pop her head around the lounge door to say hello then they go up to Ds’s room and she only leaves to use the loo!
DS will come down on food gathering missions occasionally but that’s few and far between - they are clearly living on love at the moment as they hardly eat anything 😂

I think I had this idea that partners of my children would be chatty, become part of the family etc. DS is quiet anyway and I was really hoping that she would help to bring him out a bit and they’d join in a little more, eat meals with us etc.

Is this usual? Im happy to let DS and GF do what they want to do but I have to say im a little disappointed that they live almost like little strangers in the house - this has come about as I’ve only just realised GF left around 4 hours ago but she didn’t say anything and left without saying goodbye etc.

Please tell me to woman up if necessary 😂

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 14/11/2021 19:50

I have DSs of a smilar age. I see what you mean but I would probably prefer her to just come and go and not feel the need to say goodbye as it's a bit more informal.

The danger of becoming close to the GF is that when they split up it's really sad. For you. Sad I missed one so much, she was lovely.

Thinking back to when I had a boyfriend while living with my parents at that age we pretty much lived in my room, didn't do family stuff at all.

Ragwort · 14/11/2021 19:55

I have a DS the same age and yes, it would annoy me. When DS's GF came round (she never stayed the night) she would always say hello, have a chat and say goodbye when she left. And any meals were all eaten together.

However I am very old fashioned and would not be encouraging a GF to stay 3-4 nights a week ... and have to say my DS never asked if she could stay & he never stayed at her DPs home.

Rainbowheart1 · 14/11/2021 19:57

They sound completely normal to me.

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Cookerhood · 14/11/2021 20:00

If DS usually eats with you I would expect them both to when she is there. My DCs partners always eat with us, unless they are eating out. I can't imagine anything else happening.
If they do this you will get to know her a little better.

Original poster
Lightasafly · 14/11/2021 20:12

To be fair, DS rarely eats with us anyway as he tends to take his meal up to his room - we all eat at different times during the week due to work etc. it’s just that even on weekends when we perhaps might have a takeaway together they hole up in his room.

Ah well, no bother really and like you say, it’s early days probably best not to get too attached to her

OP posts:
Crunchymum · 14/11/2021 20:26

My DP still lived at home when we first started seeing each other (albeit we were a bit older) and for best part of a year I barely saw his mum or dad as he had an en suite and we usually went out for food etc I was always polite and happy to chat when I did see his parents of course

15 years later and his mum is my favourite person on Earth. Our relationship grew organically though and took a bit of time to get started.

PinkMochi · 14/11/2021 20:49

She’s 21 and still hides like this? I could understand a teen doing this, but not a 20/21 year old. You can’t really blame her though as she’s following your ds’s lead.

Horsemad · 14/11/2021 20:54

My DS & his GF are similar, OP. They split their time between here (2/3 nts a wk) and her parents' house.

When they're here we barely see them. The other day DS was volunteering for a hobby he does - he went out at 7am and she stayed in his room all day!!! 😲 DH was on lates, got up mid morning & didn't know she was even in the house until I came in & told him!

Personally it annoys me and I think it's quite rude that she never says 'hi/bye'. I don't particularly want them spending all their time with us but an acknowledgement of our existence would be good...

HappyMeal564 · 14/11/2021 21:28

Plan a takeaway night and ask them to join you, maybe you'll all really enjoy it and it will become a regular thing 😊

RubyTuesday70 · 14/11/2021 21:42

DD is 22 and her BF has lived with us since lockdown. They spend the majority of their time in her room but always eat with us and they come down at some point during the evenings for a cup of tea with us and a natter.

Horsemad · 14/11/2021 23:40

DS & GF always join us when we're having our regular weekend takeaway! Funny that. 🤨

StillMedusa · 14/11/2021 23:46

I would assume that she is probably quiet and somewhat shy!

Three of my adult children have partners..two lived with us. for over two years (all together for over a year.. very busy house!)
It took quite a while before they were just members of the family ..at first both tended to stay upstairs especially if my kids were out at work, but eventually they just relaxed and became part of the family (permanently.. :D)

My other child's partner ..who didn't live with us, is quite an anxious person and obviously feels uncomfortable just chilling, and we have never pushed it.. she's lovely, but prefers her own space... they've now been married for a few years and while I wish I knew her better, I accept that that's who she is, she's not rude, she's just more reserved.

GreyhoundG1rl · 14/11/2021 23:48

Leaving without saying goodbye is abominably rude. As is skulking in the bedroom the whole time, but then your ds eating in his room when he's on his own is bloody weird too.
Why did that become a thing?

LucentBlade · 15/11/2021 01:11

Same ages here but they have been dating 3 years. DS GF was here from 3pm Saturday till late afternoon today. They went out for dinner and mixed cocktails in the kitchen, when they got back we accepted one :) They were seeing friends today. So we saw her less than normal. Last week we all went to see DS play football and had Sunday roast together. We had a day out on a canal boat in the summer and her parents and younger brother over for a BBQ. We often eat together but DS does like to cook for her. She is lovely, I know they are young but if they do stay together I will be thrilled. I remember DH helping her with her A level maths homework. She does feel like family now.

LucentBlade · 15/11/2021 01:15

Sparklingbrook my sister still misses her DS first GF, they were together for four years. He has been married twice since and it must be 25 years ago. I never understood until now,I dread the day DS and his GF are no more. Fingers crossed they stay together.

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