Why does my mom do this?

[BlondieD]

I have one beautiful niece born to a sibling who lives abroad. Every year for her birthday and for Christmas we send a parcel to her. My mom always leaves it to the last minute to sort a gift for her and she orders me to wait for her and we can pool our gifts together and send them instead of separate parcels. This is in itself annoying because I like being more organised and sending parcel in time. Say for example of we agree on the 1st of December for a posting date, she's still not finished by the 7th or 8th and she will glafing wait til it's too late. Parcel goes to Aus.

That's annoying. Not only that, she never knows what to get my niece. I like helping my mom and giving her ideas. I was in the city yesterday and I made a start for my Christmas shopping and I found it hard to get something but I did in the end. While I was shopping I was picking out bits that could be suitable from my mom to give and I took loads of pictures of things like:

• jewelry boxes
• teaset
• books
• other toys
• teddies

Today online I found some beautiful Christmas tshirts too. I was so happy with everything that I was showing my mom but she shot down every idea that I showed her for Christmas gifts. She tried to take so much of my time today to help her with online shopping for the Christmas and she shot down everything I showed her. Basically she wants the best gifts for pound land prices.

In the end I had to walk away from the table and she said she will go shopping one of the days. I am concerned though that she might find the task difficult and not be successful in shopping.
I am upset too because I showed my mom a beautiful t-shirt that would be suitable and my mom didn't like the price of it was about 12.50. I know it seems expensive but it's a once for my niece/her grandchild that she doesn't see from one year to the next due to the distance. Basically she's relying on other shops to find similar for cheaper and I explained that I had a look online for Christmas tshirts and theres not much available. It's mainly jumpers and we came be sending jumpers and woollies to Australia for thier Christmas.

I was disappointed because I found so much nice things yesterday and online today to help my mom and take some pressure off her but nothing was good enough for my mom.

Just send separately and let her do her own thing

Sorry, I’m confused, why are you so concerned/worried about what present your mother gets your niece? When you say you pool your gifts together, do you (well she) do this to save on packaging or do you mean the gifts are combined and sent off from both of you? If the latter, I understand (but wouldn’t be doing it!) Just put your foot down, send your gift when you are ready to send it, and help her as much or as little as you want with the gift from her. Save yourself the hassle and worry.

Stop engaging with your mother over your gifts

Sort yours out and post it. Then when she mentions sending a gift to your niece tell her she needs to do it in her own.

I wouldn't be bothering with what your mother wants to do. Buy your gift and send it yourself on time.

Let her sort her dgc out or she can give the parents the money to buy something on her behalf if she doesn't like shopping which is probably the best idea.

Have you posted about this before-this sounds really familiar?

Stop being ‘ordered’ about by your mum and send your present directly when you want to. Do not engage in anything your mum does or doesn’t choose to do and tell her it’s less stressful to do your own things.

Embrace the calm.

I've read this thread before, didnt everyone tell you to just do your own own thing the previous time you posted

Do you actually post a parcel from the UK to Aus?! My DB lives in Aus and we haven’t sent a physical parcel for at least ten years. Postage was always £20+. Buy something on an Aus website with PayPal or credit card, separately to your mum. Let her deal with her own disorganisation.

Stop this pooling thing and stop trying to help her. She’ll drive you up the wall. Let her get cheap stuff and send it herself.

Send your gift, ignore your dm pissing around!

Agree, don't send a physical parcel. Save the postage/put that money towards your own gift. Buy something from an Australian website and have it delivered direct. I live in Australia and haven't sent a parcel to the UK for years - I always order something online and have it sent. Happy to give ideas of shops if you let me know what age / what kind of thing you're thinking.