Emotionally burnt out

[Emotionallyexhausted]

Dont even know what to say just looking for a handhold / advice / a bit of a vent.

I'm absolutely emotionally burnt out and exhausted.

The doctor said that if I had a job she would sign me off but this is my life making me exhausted.

I'm not depressed, a previous doctor tried to give me antidepressants but I'm not depressed I want to be more alive!

Long story short I'm a SAHM and carer for my disabled child and I have other children too. My sen child is 7, complex needs including autism, barely verbal, uses a Sen buggy, double incontinence you get the gist. I also have otjer children too. My toddler is at home full time but starting part time preschool after Easter once they are 3.

I just feel in a newborn style fog. Like my brain isn't working. Sick of the meltdowns, the rigidity of everything, not being able to go on family days out. I have to sleep with my Sen child. I barely see my husband.

My husband is incredibly supportive and we make a fab team but he works 12 hour plus days.

I'm so lonely. My husband gets to go out (rarely though!) With colleagues until 3-4am. I want that freedom but I've got no one like that.

Occasionally on a weekend morning I'll meet a friend for a walk or a coffee but I don't have many local friends.

I just feel my brain isn't working. The doctor said I'm emotionally exhausted and like I said above she would sign me off if she could if it was a job making me feel this way.

I want to feel more vibrant, more alive. I read a book recently and in it the character has alot going on and she goes for a run on the beach and stops and screams this scream she didn't even know she was holding in. That's how I feel. I want to scream and howl and stamp my feet at the unfairness of it all.

I want my life back. I want to be me again. The woman I used to be before I became a Sen mum. But oh the guilt.

Sigh

@Emotionallyexhausted
I don't know if this is possible but could your family all contribute towards getting you gym membership for a Christmas? Sounds like you really need some time out and that it helped in the past.
It's very hard to pour from an empty pot. I can't imagine how busy and relentless it must be but I wish you well.

[quote StepawayfromtheBiscuittin]@Emotionallyexhausted
I don't know if this is possible but could your family all contribute towards getting you gym membership for a Christmas? Sounds like you really need some time out and that it helped in the past.
It's very hard to pour from an empty pot. I can't imagine how busy and relentless it must be but I wish you well. [/quote]
Thank you @StepawayfromtheBiscuittin

I should have clarified, the gym thing isn't about money we can thankfully easily afford it we had a family membership. It just ran out after a year and we are busy pretty much every Saturday from now until Christmas so seems a waste of money to renew it at the moment.

I don't think I let myself realise how hard it is. We are having discussions with consultant about long term ventilation. That's bloody serious isn't it. I think I just think this is the new normal for our family then I was telling an aquarium about possible oxygen and she was like erm what?! That's huge!

And I wonder why I'm not coping!

So, Sen child is off school today as has been a close contact and school say they can't go back until a negative PCR result. Not quite sure how we are going to get a PCR done but there you go.

I'm literally wrapped in a towel as can't leave then alone, my clothes are all upstairs. Sat here typing this watching them spin around and around and growling if I go near them. If I go upstairs they may harm themselves. One time I went to the toilet and when I came back down batteries from the TV remote where in their mouth 😱

So very tired