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Original poster

ADHD DH won't stop interrupting me!

8 replies

FuckingFabulous · 13/11/2021 17:48

I've posted a lot about my DH and his struggles with his ADHD.

I'm literally here to vent and for solidarity today.

My DH has got a new night shift role and as a result, he's often tired in the day. When he's tired, all his symptoms are worse and I'm fairly tolerant of that, BUT! I cannot bear him talking over me like what he's got to say is the only thing worth hearing and that what I'm saying is of little significance. 😡😡

Just now, our DD came in from being outside with her friends, extremely unsteady on her feet because of her neurological condition, and asked if she could stay out a bit longer. It went like this

DD- Mum, please can I stay out a little bit longer?

FF- Well, you'll need your chair and-

DH- Where are you going to be? What time are you planning to come back? You're going to need your wheelchair.

DD- Ok. I'm just with Sam and Ben at the bench.

FF- Does your phone have charge? Because-

DH- Don't take your iPad! Is your phone charged? You need to take your phone, your iPad is a wifi tablet and you'll be out of range.

DD- Ok

FF- Do you need me to help to-

DH- DD, are you going to be able to get your chair or does someone need to help?

FF- DH, I was speaking-

DH- Because if you need help DD, you'll have to say so now because I'm going to work in a minute. If you don't say so I won't be able to help you and mum doesn't feel well from her Covid jab. Do you need help? Do you?

DD- no, I'm ok. Thanks

FF- Ok, well, have a nice-

DH- Don't forget to have your phone volume on and don't forget to text mum if you need any help. Not me, I'm going to work.

FF- Seriously. What the hell? You just-

DH- I'm making coffee now -I need to take some to work....do you know where my pass is??

RAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

OP posts:
Sparklfairy · 13/11/2021 17:50

Well if I've read that right, it sounds like he only interrupts you and not DD?

loopyapp · 13/11/2021 17:54

I know you don't wanna hear this but seriously.. his brain is whirring about work and the commute and about 245396700000 other things so resisting the impulse to blurt out what he's thinking is genuinely impossible.

We have a system of letting my DS10 know he's doing this by literally all if us stopping talking until he pauses and realises. It's been preagreed by him and us and works great.

Being mad about this is a massive waste of energy and you won't come close to how frustrated he is with himself.

Work together to find ways of managing the more difficult traits and learn to accept that anything ADHD related isn't personal or something he does deliberately.

Original poster
FuckingFabulous · 13/11/2021 17:54

@Sparklfairy

Well if I've read that right, it sounds like he only interrupts you and not DD?
Yes, in this instance. Because he was talking to her and ignoring the fact that I was talking. If she'd been talking to me and he also wanted to talk to me, especially if it was on the same subject, he'd do the same. Like his voice is the king voice and should be heard above all others. He has an issue with interrupting when he is excited or well informed about a topic, and that's probably because he was ignored and told to shut up all his childhood because he was seen as hyper and intense. But when he's tired, fuck me: it's awful. He also gets hold of a topic and has to lecture on it at least twelve different ways to be sure you understand him. For example, he will relate someone leaving their shoes at the bottom of the stairs to someone leaving a loaded gun around children....
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amusedbush · 13/11/2021 17:55

DH and I both have ADHD and I’ve developed coping strategies that allow me to bite my tongue 80% of the time. My psychiatrist says my interruptions are ‘non-competitive’.

DH, on the other hand, sounds like yours and I’ve actually cried with frustration. He just flat-out talks over me, changes the subject and literally can’t seem to keep his super-duper important (Hmm) thoughts in his head until I’ve finished speaking. I have no advice but can offer solidarity - sometimes I feel like nothing I say is ever worth listening to because he either interrupts me or looks physically pained while I try to get to the end of a story.

Original poster
FuckingFabulous · 13/11/2021 17:56

@loopyapp

I know you don't wanna hear this but seriously.. his brain is whirring about work and the commute and about 245396700000 other things so resisting the impulse to blurt out what he's thinking is genuinely impossible.

We have a system of letting my DS10 know he's doing this by literally all if us stopping talking until he pauses and realises. It's been preagreed by him and us and works great.

Being mad about this is a massive waste of energy and you won't come close to how frustrated he is with himself.

Work together to find ways of managing the more difficult traits and learn to accept that anything ADHD related isn't personal or something he does deliberately.

I know all of this. It's why I'm here raging about how irritated I am rather than tearing into him about it. I know he can't help it, just as much as I can't help being majorly pissed off about it right now
OP posts:
Original poster
FuckingFabulous · 13/11/2021 17:57

@amusedbush

DH and I both have ADHD and I’ve developed coping strategies that allow me to bite my tongue 80% of the time. My psychiatrist says my interruptions are ‘non-competitive’.

DH, on the other hand, sounds like yours and I’ve actually cried with frustration. He just flat-out talks over me, changes the subject and literally can’t seem to keep his super-duper important (Hmm) thoughts in his head until I’ve finished speaking. I have no advice but can offer solidarity - sometimes I feel like nothing I say is ever worth listening to because he either interrupts me or looks physically pained while I try to get to the end of a story.

EXACTLY THIS!!

He's much better when he's well rested. Still a challenge at times but it's like all the filters and coping mechanisms he has all dissolve when his sleep schedule is out of whack. I know it's hard for him, but it's hard for me too 😭

OP posts:
SoniaFouler · 13/11/2021 18:01

I would pointedly lead DD into another room, or an area away from him, to drive home the point every time he interrupted me and continue the conversation away from him. Have you seen Judge Judy before? She often gives a stern “I’m speaking” when one of the guests try and interrupt her. Granted, we’re not all judges and have the authority to actually keep someone quiet but I’ve adopted it and used it a couple of times in meetings and so far its worked!

amusedbush · 13/11/2021 18:10

@FuckingFabulous

I really feel for you. I’ve only recently been diagnosed so I’ll be starting on meds soon, which I’m hoping will help me but doesn’t obviously help DH acting like everything I say is hot air.

I empathise with him to a point because I also have the constant urge to be like, ‘oh, listen to this weird fact!’ but I’ve learned to control it, so I know’s possible. I’m autistic so when I’m tired, I tend to go non-verbal rather than more hyperactive, though.

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