3 kids and two parents working full time. How do you make it work?

[GranolaHolmes]

Just that really.

Both parents working full time. 3 kids at primary, secondary and one at college. The full time jobs are professional jobs with average salary, one of them is term time only but alongside study for qualification.
Kids have clubs three evenings and Saturdays. We use wraparound childcare for the youngest. House is a renovation project. Also a self employed business but while successful may need to take a back seat from the new year.

How do we make this work without arriving home each day exhausted, the housework piling up, and spending weekends recovering ready for another busy week.

No family support. In fact grandparents all ill but not local anyway.
We do Meal planning and groceries delivered.
Older children do their own laundry.
One child with health problems that require regular hospital visits.

Help. Send your life hacks.

Thanks.

We have two ( 1 in secondary and 1 in 6th form). Football training 3 nights a week and twice on weekend for DS. Homework help / ucas advice for the one in 6th form. I teach (primary school) full time so leave at half 6 and home at 6 and DP works even longer hours than me so I do all the house stuff/ cooking / washing etc. when I get in.

It is exhausting! Last night (Friday) I went to bed at half 8 and have sat in my pyjamas all day today. We skipped football training this morning!

We do have a cleaner and she has made the biggest difference to our lives. She only comes for two hours once a week and costs £30 in outer London. It is the best feeling in the whole wide world to come home, exhausted, on a Friday night to a clean, tidy house and clean sheets. Honestly, id rather eat beans on toast 5 nights a week and never go on holiday again than give up the cleaner now because of the difference it's made to my mental health.

Put a wash on every day, i hoover twice a week on my wfh days. Online shopping as much as possible for everything. Cleaner to do bathrooms and kitchen. I can just about manage but now mid forties finding I get more tired.

Btw obviously 2 hours a week isn't a deep clean and it probably doesn't meet my mums standard of cleanliness but it's clean enough for us to invite people round on the weekend and not run around like lunatics for half hour before dusting the furniture, hiding the clutter and trying to clean the bathroom.

Can you double up activity lifts with friends? So one week on Tuesday you drive extra 10min and pick up a mate and the following week you gain extra hour not having go out twice and crack on few things at home?

If you are living in building site or with half a functional essential room it’s going feel like life is more chaotic. Throwing money at repairs can make life fee calmer and more organised.

Oh yes definitely a load of washing each day.

Also- no ironing ! Sometimes my sister tells me about when she was doing the ironing or how much ironing she has to do and i forget that some people have head space for this sort of stuff. We tumble dry school uniform and then cross our fingers that the creases will fall out. No one has died and I haven't been done yet for neglect.

DP does need certain bits ironed for work, but that is his problem, not mine.

Also, we eat a lot of scrambled egg on toast and microwave rice in this house.

It's exhausting

If you can afford storage or have the space, massively declutter. Less "stuff" equals hugely faster cleaning. It will help when the renovations start too.
It's a battle Royal to get kids to give old fav toys away but box them up, get them out of sight and revisit in 6 months. Some families get a "memory" box and that's the limit.

We do a weekly blitz, everyone gets involved (11&9 yro). Bigger jobs on a monthly rota.
WFH a bit so that's handy to keep on top of laundry or grab 5 mins to iron something.
Less activities / keep a free weekend a month for some mental downtime.

Food - actually make a list of quick meals and what's needed. Makes shopping and planning easier. Older kids should be more than capable of prepping veg before you get in for example.

Echoing the cleaner! Even if only once a fortnight it is wonderful to know that everywhere is hoovered, floors mopped, most surfaces dusted, bathroom extra clean. Ours changes the sheets on the children's beds too.

Keep on top of washing, don't let it pile up. Children definitely old enough to hang out and fold. Iron as little as possible.

Thank you.

So we already do the following...
Meal planning (I have an 8 week rolling meal plan like a dinner lady)
Shopping delivery
Wrap around childcare
We've had the massive declutter but our stuff hasn't found its place yet as carpet just went down, and haven't bought the furniture to put everything away yet.
Everyone has their own basket and does their own laundry and uses the tumble drier except the youngest.
Kids empty dishwasher and keep their room tidy with a bit of nagging.
Older kids make their own way to school and college and back.
We share the youngest drop off and pick up equally.
I plan ahead massively and actually if we miss some things off the list it's not the end of the world.

What I need to do:
Get a cleaner.
Just get the house liveable with furniture to put things away.
Convince DH to pay for work on the house to get done instead of trying to do it all himself.

Or just wait 10 years and then tidy up.

I'm full time with a demanding job and I also run a small business plus do a small charity role (I know this is mad to do). DH is self employed.

I have 2 in high school and one in primary and a ddog.

I don't find it too bad but dh and I share the load equally. I do school drop off to breakfast club for youngest and dh nips out from work to pick him up after school. The older two make their own way to and from school.

The children will do chores and actually get on really well (although this may change).

I hate cooking so have one of those hello fresh or gousto boxes delivered every Sunday.

Everyone has a responsibility to keep house clean and tidy - it's certainly not perfect though! I can't have a cleaner as that would involve having a mad tidy up before they came.

I have one of those washing machines that take a huge load - so I can wash more clothes in less time. I'll put a load on in the morning before work then into tumble drier after work. I fold and put away immediately from tumble dryer and never iron anything.

Older children get paid for reading/doing homework with youngest. They all get paid if they walk the dog/hoovering/empty dishwasher etc. I do use them for cheap labour.....

DH really mucks in - it wouldn't be doable if he didn't

Do you need to do everything that you are doing? And do you need to do it now?

Taking care of the kids is a non negotiable.
Working full time? Do you need the money? Are there career implications if one (or both) of you drop to a 9 week fortnight for example?
The studying? How long will that last for? Can you delay it? Do it slower? Not do it at all?
The renovation? Are you talking about a hole in the roof or “I’d really like a conservatory”? Could it wait until the studying is finished?

I’m of the view that you can’t do everything. So do what really matters to you.

Of course I also have a carpet in our spare room that I have disliked since we moved in 15 years ago and never got around to changing so maybe I am not the best person to advise.

I think you are right about prioritising.
Some graft over the next three months would get us into the position of at least having enough functioning bedrooms by turning the dining room into a 3rd bedroom.
And we could get a cleaner at that point.
And take a breather from the renovations. (The house is a 2 bedroom currently).