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Avoiding someone with bad manners?

7 replies

PurpleSky300 · 13/11/2021 07:03

So in brief - one of my relatives has simply appalling manners, in general, and there is no other way to describe it. By which I mean:

  • shovelling food into his mouth
  • downing drinks in one go
  • licking knives
  • no sense of politeness, especially in public. Eg. instead of saying "I'm just going to the loo", would say, "I need a p*"
  • swearing around children
  • burping and farting in public, wafting/smelling farts
  • breaking wind in overblown ways for 'comic' effect (eg. trying to burp tunes)
  • absolutely no filter, eg. would be walking around town and just announce "my b* are itching" or similar
  • loudly complaining about everything if eating out ("food is dry, don't like the sauce, bread's too hard, crap for the price, could make better myself")

This behaviour has basically been lifelong and despite reprimanding him for years and years, it has never changed. Even saying, "You are embarrassing me" or, "that's disgusting" has no effect. He doesn't care that he's in public or who might see or hear, not interested.

It has come to a stage where I am avoiding introducing people (eg. partners) to him and avoiding meeting him in public / inviting him to things because it's just mortifying. If you get angry about anything he says "What, what? You're making a big deal out of nothing." Is there any way to 'train' him to stop being like this?

OP posts:
Twickerhun · 13/11/2021 07:05

Is he like this without you? Does he act up because you reprimand him?

I don’t think you can train another adult really.

RoseAndRose · 13/11/2021 07:08

No, of course you mustn't attempt to train another adult (unless it's your adult DC)

So yes, minimise contact with him. You don't need to explain it, just quietly do it.

PurpleSky300 · 13/11/2021 07:12

@RoseAndRose

No, of course you mustn't attempt to train another adult (unless it's your adult DC)

So yes, minimise contact with him. You don't need to explain it, just quietly do it.

It's my DF. He lives alone and apart from seeing me once a month, he doesn't socialise much. I feel like he has never had a sense of what is 'normal' conduct for most people & just behaves like he would at home.
OP posts:

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rainbowstardrops · 13/11/2021 07:17

That behaviour does sound quite cringe worthy to be honest!
I thought you were going to say it was your brother but as it's your dad, could you just try to avoid being with him in public places as much as possible? How old is he?

Thecatsbutler · 13/11/2021 09:19

I was thinking it may be your dh which would definitely be an immediate LTB responseGrin
Sorry its your dad though. Can you maybe just take him to less public places?

TheOccupier · 13/11/2021 20:56

Gosh this sounds awful - I wouldn't be seen out with him either. Was he always disinhibited like this, even when you were little? How old is he? Is there any chance this is the beginning of dementia?

BalloonSlayer · 14/11/2021 08:01

No advise, but I read your OP and thought "Ah I do miss my dear old Dad." Grin (Who was diagnosed as being on the autism spectrum, incidentally.)

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