I admire my (female) boss so much it feels like a crush

[embarassedddd]

I'm straight, but I started a new career recently in my dream job and my manager is around 5 years older than me (we are both in our 20s), and she is like everything I want to be. She is really talented and eloquent and just everything I want to be. It's a very niche industry so to see someone who also has the same interests and career aspirations while also being more talented and someone to learn from is something I have never experienced before.

We have weekly meetings and at our last one we were sat really close as we had another colleague join us via Zoom so we were huddled in front of my laptop camera and ever since I feel like I have developed a crush on her.

I know it's just misplaced admiration and respect but it's so weird and awkward. I am completely straight so I'm finding this really unexpected.

Has anyone experienced this kind of thing or know how to get over it?

I know what you mean.

I'm straight but have developed a strange/close friendship with a female colleague; if it was with a man then it would be classed as an emotional affair. I think about her a lot (but not in a sexual way) and I know the feeling is mutual.

It's very weird and confusing but I think you've hit the nail on the head about admiration and respect.

Watch season 1, episode 4 of Peep Show

I have had woman crushes like this too. Totally non sexual, but intense nevertheless! As you say, it's a strong admiration really, but can feel embarrassingly inappropriate.

This happened to me with an older more senior colleague. She was really kind and intelligent and we got on well.

I realised after what contributed to it was the intense pressure we were under at work. Research shows that stress released oxytocin you can attribute to a person rather than the situation. It can exaggerate your feelings for that person. Also bear in mind your sexuality can change throughout your life. I was bisexual in my 20s and in my 30s I tend not to fancy women.

So you are not alone with this. You may or may not really fancy them but either way it's ok.

Yes. More than once.

Im in a very male profession, so I don’t meet many women managers.

I dealt with it by naming it. And whilst not disclosing the emotional intensity of the crush, if asked,what Jane is like as a manager I will say… ‘god she’s an amazing manager. I have a massive platonic crush on her.. in fact I want to BE her.‘