How to Small Talk

[ConfusedBoobs]

Meeting clients and making them feel at ease is a big part of my new job. I need to be one of these people who can immediately start chatting away with anyone. I'm not naturally like that though. Is it a skill you can learn or a lost hope?

You can learn, I did.

Talk about the weather, ask how travel to the meeting was, ask if they've been here before, tell them useful things like location of loos and ask them if they want a drink.

Asking questions will help find connections and similarities between you. And then move on to work stuff, as a new person you have the best excuse to ask questions, what do they do? Where is their office? If they bring up their kids, ask how old they are (don't raise it otherwise).

Most people love to talk about themselves, and just leave the ones who don't want to talk alone, once you offer a coffee!

You can learn. Ask lots of open questions and really listen to what they are saying
This will help next time you meet and help to build a good relationship

I think it happens more naturally when you develop curiosity

If you are genuinely curious about how their trip was, how their week is going, whether they’ve got any plans for the weekend, how the project has been going then smalll talk is easy

You can learn it.

Part of it is being curious - if you're interested in what they say and listen to the answers if you ask questions, you can make people feel listened to and interesting (and therefore at ease).

Actively look for connections - so if someone says "I hate the tube", even if it's your favourite form of transport, find the thing you dislike about it and mention that "hell hath no fury like the northern line at 8am". Or mention that you'd heard they're opening up the hidden stations for visitors, or that you heard there is someone using disused tunnels for growing salads. It's just building a point of similarity (people like people they have things in common with).

Steer clear of anything contentious (sex, politics, religion etc). Don't ask about family unless they mention it and if someone talks about their partner but doesn't name them, don't ask their name.

There's a real art in this next bit. I do it by memory, DH does it with notes in outlook of who he spoke to about what and when. Remember people - just a couple of wee bits so the next time you see them you don't ask "have you come far" but are able to say "are you still in st Alban's?" or "how is little Jocasta getting on at big game hunting?" Instead of "isn't the weather getting grim". It's just evidence that they're heard and interesting and that you care (even if you don't). Suddenly it's not even really small talk because you're able to be personal and interested.

Agree with PPs - questions!

Depending on the person, personal type questions may not be appropriate. I have a chap who I meet annually and before the meeting proper, we generally cover the following sort of stuff...

How's business at the moment? What's been going on since I last saw you? Are you busy? Any big projects on?

Has [insert industry issue] affected you at all?
Did you see the interview with [relevant industry person] in the paper? She made some interesting points about XYZ.

Once you get people going, it's normally fine!

Unless you know the people well, I’d beware of questions like ‘have you got any plans for the weekend’ or ‘where are you going on holiday’ simply because there was a long period when my weekends were always going to be crap & holidays were an impossible dream - so both of those would have had me in bits.

I’d happily answer them now, but I’d have hated them then.

It’s a skill to be learnt.

People will respond to a warm friendly greeting, so smile!
Ask questions that they cannot give a yes or no answer to, so frame your questions that way.
Find out small things about them, what city they come from for example, and use that as a starting point for a conversation. Things like the weather, major sporting fixtures, tourist sights in your town, are all useful subjects.
Be ready to help them, know where the nearest chemist is, or offer a restaurant recommendation, for example.

I think and I'm told I'm great at small talk.

I ask an open question, I then make a postitive comment about what the person has said then ask them another question about that same topic so it keeps the conversation going and they still hold the floor but I'm being responsive.

Like....

Have you got any nice plans for the weekend?

We are going out for dinner to a new Italian that's just opened.

Oh sounds lovely, I love Italian food! Has it had good reviews?