DS(6) talking about death a lot (possible TW death)

[mintyme]

DS(6) has been talking about death a lot on/off this year. First it was non-stop questions about ‘the virus’ and in the past 6 months or so it’s questions and comments about dying and death.

However, today he has really upset me. He started again talking about death and then he suddenly starting absolutely sobbing his heart out. He said “make sure I’m buried with X (fave stuffed toy) as I will be lonely and I can’t bear being without X.” He just sobbed and sobbed and then he started me off crying.

I know from looking online that young children do go through stages of asking about death, even talking a lot about it, but this comment today has tipped me over the edge.

We don’t watch the news on TV or discuss deaths or Covid-related deaths in front of him, he’s only known one person, his grandmother, who died when he was 2.5 years but he doesn’t remember her.

I feel sick that he has some sort of sixth sense that something is going to happen to one of us

Didn't want to read and run
I remember learning what death was at a similar age and being really frightened and thinking about what would happen to my teddies and things. I think it's a phase and possibly he's learnt about it after the last few years we've had and is feeling very anxious. I definitely don't think its a bad omen or anything xx hugs for you and your little one x

Oh god I remember my DD being exactly the same at age 5. She freaked me out and kept going on and on about death and dying. I thought, like you, that she had some sort of premonition about me and that I was going to die and leave her alone 😫 She didn’t, as I’m still here 15 years later lol.

It really is just a phase. Any time he mentions it I would say something like ‘oh you don’t have to worry about that until you are a really old man’. Honestly don’t worry, he doesn’t have a sixth sense, he’s just at an age when they suddenly realise that we don’t live forever.

Thank you both for your comments, it’s made me feel better. It’s just the relentless talk for months that gets to me when he says something quite personal.

My 6 Yr old DD has also been banging on about death and dying. I would be concerned except I remember her big brother doing exactly the same. It's a milestone. Just be calm, gently bracing and matter of fact. Don't let him see you're concerned or upset. Just tell him "of course we'll make sure you have Teddy if he'sstill your favourite, but you'll probably be very old and very bored of life by the time you die and it won't seem scary any more by then."

Of course it’s not a sixth sense! It’s a perfectly normal part of development. Realising everybody is mortal is a terrifying thing. Children cling to the things that bring them comfort. I say everyone will die at some point and that we need to be kind and have fun before it happens. And that it would be rubbish to live forever.

Yes - it is a phase. One of my DDs began this after reading Charlotte's Web.

I cannot imagine how hard it has been for young children during covid, faced with relentless death statistics on TV at times when they are likely to be watching.

My OH died recently and the GC have all coped well - we explained that he was so ill that he could not have gone on living in any happy way and that his atoms have gone to the stardust; and that the love he had for them and shared with them is now a part of them and will become a small part of everyone they love - and so on ad infinitum.

It must be a terrifying moment of realisation for little ones.

My 5 year old also talks about death a lot, it's just a normal phase in their development.

It’s definitely a normal phase, kids love talking about death, but it does sometimes become a bit overwhelming for them. It’s a big concept!

He may well have some classmates who’ve been bereaved over the pandemic and are talking about it at school as well.