What would you do...? I'm torn.

[alittleacorn]

Hello everyone,

Long story short, my partner and I have been trying to conceive for 18 months with no joy. I unfortunately had three chemical pregnancies in this time and they have left us both absolutely devastated.
We have both wanted children for as long as we can remember and decided to start trying after I came off of the implant which I was on for seven years in total.

We should've been married already but unfortunately our wedding was cancelled due to Covid, so we have rescheduled for autumn next year and we are really, really looking forward to it! :) we have been together for a long time and we're gutted that we couldn't get married as planned during covid.

We have also been looking at honeymoons and getting ideas about where we would like to go, which is really exciting!

I am overweight, And have been since being a teenager. I have struggled with my weight and have been recently looking into the possibility of private bariatric surgery to assist in my weight loss. I have been accepted for this, and all being well (once the surgeon can advise me) I would be looking to have the operation as early as January next year, which is just amazing. I would love to be slimmer and healthier, and can't wait for the positive change!

I stupidly took an ovulation test a few days ago, which was positive. Since I haven't been back on birth control, we haven't exactly been 'careful' but figured since nothing has happened for us yet, and it's been such a struggle, I would stay off of it and let 'nature take its course' to an extent.

Anyway. Since then, I just can't stop my heart from aching at the possibility of becoming pregnant. My heart yearns it, it's a feeling I can't explain. I just long to be a mother, and to have our very own baby. I really don't know what to do.

I want so desperately to loose this weight, and I want so desperately to get married and have the wedding and honeymoon of our dreams.. but I also so, so desperately want to be come a mum 😞

I just can't stop my heart from aching!

I think you’re being slightly ridiculous at not even knowing the advice about TTC after weight loss surgery. Surely it’s something you look into straight away?

The advice is 18-24 months depending on your surgeon.

You still have time on your side.
Look after you and concentrate on getting yourself in the best possible shape to help fulfill your wish of becoming a mum.
If you are morbidly obese and you do get pregnant things are going to be a lot harder and carry so many more risks than if you were carrying less weight- which you obviously know.
You also need to be around as long as possible for any potential child therefore I think the weight loss needs to come before anything.
Concentrating on yourself isn't giving up on your dream of motherhood- it's preparing for it.

That desperate overwhelming urge to want to be pregnant is completely normal. It's feels weird because it's such a powerful felling but it's totally normal for many ( not all) women. You have to be sensible about it though. Your absolute first priority should be doing what's best for your future child/ children. and you being healthy is extremely important.
If you are only in you mid twenties then you have time to sort your weight out first.

Good luck.

@alittleacorn

Thanks all. I have struggled with my weight all of my life. I am in the morbidly obese category unfortunately. I want to do this surgery having tried so, so many different diets in the past to no avail. I've done slimming world, weight watchers, Keto etc etc. Honestly, almost anything you can think of.

If I don't consider ways to reduce my weight now, I am seriously cutting my life expectancy drastically.

I have had my thyroid checked too and all normal, the clotting issue came back in one set of bloods, but not in the most recent which is strange. I also wonder if perhaps being on the implant for 7 years has really taken its toll on my body. I suffered after my 2nd covid jab too, all my OPK's were positive for over a month, and I didn't get my period for 3 months.

That's why they do two bloods for the clotting thing.

It can be something that just randomly shows up and is one of those things. So then they repeat 3 months later. If it's still there, it isn't one of those things and you have Antiphospholipid Syndrome.

As yours showed up once , you don't have a blood clotting issue.

I'm concerned that your doctor's didn't explain that to you. Blood clotting issues wouldn't be contributing in any way to chemical pregnancies if it only showed up on the first test, you need consistent tests. The explanation you gave as to why the pregnancies couldn't continue with regards to blood clotting isn't correct either.

You also don't seem to be informed as to when you can safely try for a baby after bariatric surgery.

I truly think you need to get some proper information and advice

I am still awaiting a final triage appointment for the surgery, so I will be able to go through trying to conceive etc after the surgery with the surgeon himself. This will give me the best guide as to what works best.

I am still attending my 12 weekly bloods.

My doctors have been horrendous throughout this entire process, so I'm really not surprised that they've not very well explained most things to me.

'I have had my thyroid checked too and all normal, the clotting issue came back in one set of bloods, but not in the most recent which is strange"

OP this means you do not have a blood clotting disorder. If they're telling you you do that's very concerning as they are essentially giving you a false reason for why you can't concieve ,along with the wrong explanation for it anyway. If you have had one blood test that showed this raised indicator, followed 12 weeks later by bloods not showing it's raised... It's not "strange" as you say. It's perfectly normal.

The marker you're referring to absolutely can just be raised for no reason but if like you say, the one following that wasn't raised you don't have a blood clotting issue ; Antiphospholipid Syndrome. That's the diagnostic protocol. Those two bloods. You don't continue testing every 12 weeks.

I would seek advice elsewhere honestly as it's really not fair of your doctor's to give you incorrectly advice, as they are falsly leading you to believe that you have a condition, which you don't, which is contributing, which it isn't, and could be treated , which it can't as you just don't have it.

Unfortunately misinformation about this particular condition is rife and you are being subjected to it.

@makelovenotpetrol thank you so much. I will definitely speak to the GP. I'm really
Disappointed in them. I thought perhaps there was, in a funny way; a glimmer of hope having been told there was something wrong, as I could then put it right :(

[quote alittleacorn]@makelovenotpetrol thank you so much. I will definitely speak to the GP. I'm really
Disappointed in them. I thought perhaps there was, in a funny way; a glimmer of hope having been told there was something wrong, as I could then put it right :([/quote]
I wish I didn't know what I do because it would mean I hadn't had a late stillbirth where the APS showed up on the post mortem. But I do understand it very well and unfortunately you're being wrongly informed.