I'm struggling with how to navigate parenting with my ex and need some advice. I wasn't sure where to put this thread at all so thought chat would be good as anywhere.
DD is 4 next week. Ex and I have been officially separated since she was 1 but relationship was technically over while I was pregnant with her. We have both moved on and met new people. For reference, me and my new Dp had a baby in August.
In August, while I was heavily pregnant, ex took me to court over access to DD. No idea why, I've never stopped him seeing her. He is a narcissistic prick and continues to try to control and abuse me even long after our split and I believe this court action was just further attempts at control over me,not actually an effort to see DD more. It went to mediation and a contact agreement was planned between us which was actually no difference to what he already had contact wise so he gained nothing.
As part of the the plan, it was agreed that we would share birthdays and Xmas. He has told me he can't see DD on her birthday next week as he's busy at a hobby and isn't willing to miss out on it for one week a year. This isn't the first time he's let her down since the plan was in place, and it's only been three months.
If I've tried to switch things up and change a planned contact due to something happening at home I've been threatened with further court action. I don't ask to change things willy nilly. The only time I've needed to change things is when I went into hospital to have the baby and when we all had covid, so important things that meant he couldn't physically see her which were out of my control.
Where do I stand with this? I feel like I'm constantly under his control. I can't change anything for fear of further court action but he can continue to mess us about and not stuck to his side of the bargain. I can't afford representation to go to court and I'm not eligible for legal aid. He was verbally abusive and controlling in our relationship but I never pressed charges so there's no proof of it. This would be the only way id be able to get legal aid.
How do you Co parent with an ex like this? I really need some help. I'm struggling with my mental health at the mo and am under a referral but it's taking ages to get things going. They've referred me onto a domestic abuse charity to discuss how to navigate this situation but again the appointment isn't until next month. He continues to belittle me and try to control me 4 years down the line and I don't know how to break free and regain control.