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Original poster

New job, children autumn illnesses

15 replies

StillCounting123 · 10/11/2021 07:46

I'm returning to work this week, two days per week, after being a SAHM for years.

My youngest children are pre-schoolers (twins) others are at school. All seem to have a bad cold etc and I'm wondering how on earth working mums (or working parents generally) sort out childcare when children are sick.

I've a childminder booked, and my dad can help in an emergency.

OP posts:

Sofia73 · 10/11/2021 07:49

Do you have a DP? you have been a SAHM for years then they will have had years of not needing to take any child sickness days so where possible it would make sense for them to be off before you.

RobinPenguins · 10/11/2021 07:51

DH and I share responsibility between us.

I’ve been working for a long time so have the seniority and flexibility to take a day off at short notice, work from home etc. if needed.

Other people I know have family nearby who can help out.

popples19 · 10/11/2021 07:53

Mine just go to school with a cold like I would. To be honest we alternate taking time off between me and my husband we have no other help so they are pretty tough and just get on with it if they are feeling run down and luckily haven't really had much time off (3 primary age children)

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WreckTangled · 10/11/2021 07:57

We also alternate days. We've only had one day where we both felt what we had booked in that day was more important than the other. Had a bit of an argument that morning. My family won't help if the dc were ill, which is fair enough.

WalkingOnSonshine · 10/11/2021 07:59

I’ve started a new job and DC is in nursery for the first time.

He’s picked up every bug going & we have absolutely no family nearby.

We’ve just had to take time off between us. Last week I started at 7.30 and worked until 12.30, and DH worked from 12.30 till 5.30. We both checked and answered quick emails, and then caught up a couple of hours in the evening.

Luckily work are happy with this, and we’ve managed it a few times when he’s not been well.

Original poster

StillCounting123 · 10/11/2021 08:00

I do have a DH, but he's of the view that he earns X amount more than me and his place suffers staff shortages already, so he's resistant to taking time off unless it's an emergency.

Don't think it's malice on his part, more than he's simply not in the mindset of thinking about these things as I've been at home so long.

OP posts:

Original poster

StillCounting123 · 10/11/2021 08:01

Forgot to say: DH has a job which can be done partially from home, but not everything (healthcare).

My job can't be done from home.

OP posts:

Iknowwhatisaw · 10/11/2021 08:05

That’s really arsey of your DP, given it’s only two days a week.

I really sympathise though. I hate the silent disapproval you get from work when you have to call in

justaddcandlelight · 10/11/2021 08:06

Ahh, op, it's a difficult situation. I take dependancy days when the children are ill. Try not to feel guilty if you take time off to look after your dc, don't be the mum that sends their child in poorly or turns up to your place of work ill because you don't want to take time off. We all get ill and the best thing is rest - rather than spreading the germs around....

Thirtyrock39 · 10/11/2021 08:09

It does get easier as they get older they definitely pick up less bugs. I went back to work when my youngest was nearly three and felt like I was always having to take time off work with him getting various bugs but once he started school it was far less common. Pre covid I was a bit strict for what they would be off school for and if it was just a cold they'd still be in but not if a temperature . School were very clear about what you could and couldn't send them in with ,
(pre covid )and actively encouraged them still going in with mild colds . I used to absolutely dread ringing my boss when the kids were ill though - one positive of covid is that I can work from home now in an emergency childcare situation which was a total no no before.

SW1amp · 10/11/2021 08:09

We pay through the nose for a nanny, and have several back up babysitters and temporary nannies just in case

It costs us an absolute fortune but it’s meant we can both work without interruption, which we need because we are both at companies where it would be very frowned upon to take last minute leave

EnidFrighten · 10/11/2021 08:13

Your dp is being an arse.

Don't keep them off for every runny nose, mine need to be actually unwell before I keep them off. Then we roughly split it, and dp earns more than twice what I do.

Assuming that women in junior roles will be the ones to take time off is what keeps women in junior roles.

Thirtyrock39 · 10/11/2021 08:13

It's very tricky if your partner is the main breadwinner. Dh is a deputy head and leaves at the crack of dawn so is never even here if the kids wake up poorly so it's always been me taking time off. However his head has been taking loads of time off with her kids so I think he's started to realise it's not going to ruin his reputation at work if he has to take the occasional day off if the kids are ill.

Thirtyrock39 · 10/11/2021 08:14

@EnidFrighten

Your dp is being an arse.

Don't keep them off for every runny nose, mine need to be actually unwell before I keep them off. Then we roughly split it, and dp earns more than twice what I do.

Assuming that women in junior roles will be the ones to take time off is what keeps women in junior roles.

Yes although I've always been the one to be off with the kids I am definitely more replaceable and far less valuable to my workplace than dh is to his.

EnidFrighten · 10/11/2021 08:25

I think there should be a legally required family review meeting when sahms go back to work (half joking)

Too often it's a case of sahm doing all she did before plus job, which might work for some but in many occasions sahm having a job should mean working partner steps up to do more housework and childcare.

You need to decide whether it's a case of 'now it's your turn' or 'you could probably earn money on top of everything else you do'.

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