I have been in contact with a man who I like for 4 months. He is not a stranger, he's someone from my very distant past. We were teenage boyfriend and girlfriend and hadn't seen each other in 20 years!! I initiated the contact with him. I had been through a traumatic time with men and my memory drifted back to the lovely innocent relationship we had as teenagers.
So I got in touch with him. I made it clear that I wasn't looking to rekindle a romance, I just wanted to ask if he valued the memories as much as I did. He is single and , even though it wasn't my intention,our messages got very flirty. He made it clear he was up for sex. I enjoyed the flirting and invited him over to my flat and we had sex. It was quite nice.
After that we continued messaging. I told him that even though I had enjoyed spending the night with him, I was not interested in a casual sex/friends with benefits type of arrangement. But that I would like to be his friend and if it progressed to a relationship that would be nice... but if not I'm happy to be friends. He completely agreed that he felt the same.
That's when things got complicated....
We stayed in touch, but didn't meet up again (until tonight). He works very long hours and also has children from a previous relationship who he spends his only free day with (which I completely agree that he should). So he doesn't have much free time at all.
Our messages and phone calls vary from being friendly chats to very flirty, and I admit I have sent him sexual pictures of myself. He often contacts me out of the blue wanting to meet up.... and at these times he is very forward in stating he wants sex.
I have told him that I'm not going to meet him at short notice like that. I've also told him I would like to get to know him better before persuing a sexual relationship.
So finally tonight we were due to go out on an actual date...just to a pub for a drink, chat and to play card games! When we arranged this, last week, amongst our flirtatious chat I said that I would be up for going to his place after the pub. And I meant it I would be up for having sex with him. And although it wasn't explicitly stated, it was clear from our messages that we were both open to that and looking forward to it.
So today arrived and I have been feeling unwell (due to long term illness). I don't feel like having sex tonight. He messaged me about meeting up, to finalise arrangements...but suggested we skip the pub and I just go to his flat instead! I told him I would still like to meet up, but I don't feel like having sex tonight. I thought it was very important to make my boundaries for the evening clear.
I really don't think I did anything wrong. Last week when we were arranging it I thought I would be happy for sex, today I feel differently and I don't want sex....so I told him this. I was really nervous about telling him, and in some ways I thought it easier to go along with what we previously agreed....like I owe it to him now that I've insinuated it and he will be really looking forward to it and I don't want to hurt his feelings or let him down!!
But I just knew for my own safety and security , and to avoid unclear boundaries, I had to tell him that I don't want sex tonight. So he had a bit of a strop and said he had never even thought about sex ...and basically he couldn't believe that I was even suggesting that he thought it was on the cards!! And he was so offended by me saying that!!
After that he messed me around all night. I did eventually meet up with him and he behaved like a saint. Until I got home and he requested sexy photos from me!