How long to be actively sad?

[ThisissoSHIT]

My DM died 2 weeks ago of cancer. She was late 50s. I feel constantly upset, anxious, regretful, angry about the nature of it and am generally tearful. I barely talk about it irl because I feel like I'm playing the victim. I've never grieved before so I don't know how to even do it really. It gets better though, doesn't it?

Oh love yes it gets better but 2 weeks is so so early. It's going to hurt a lot right now and they'll be shock and anger and disbelief and grief. And you'll likely bounce around all of those stages. But it gets better eventually, it stops hurting this intensely. I'm so sorry for your loss.

I am so sorry for your loss. You are not playing the victim and if talking helps you grieve I am here to talk to!! This kind of loss takes a little bit of your heart and it never truly goes away, you just learn to live with the pain and in a way you are able to smile when you think of memories and the happy times.. lots of love.

So sorry for your loss.

It does get better, I can assure you that. But grief is a funny onion, it affects everyone differently. The road is unclear and more winding for some. There's not a right way or a wrong way to do it, grief is individual, and expressed in different ways. I'd wager you'll get the sporadically tearful, little things setting it off for a while yet, but the shock of it all will reduce over time.

Yes but not that quickly ime. It takes about eight to twelve weeks to stop thinking about it a lot. Have you looked at the stages of grief?

There’s no right way to grieve OP, everyone’s different. When my mum died I went through phases of feeling exhausted, then sad, then fine, then exhausted again. As time passed I found I would suddenly be hit by a longing to see her, but now a few years on it’s more of a bittersweet, wistful feeling. In many ways I feel like she is still around in some way as I always know exactly what she would say about any situation. Be gentle with yourself OP and give yourself time.

Thanks for replying. I feel like you're expected to just crack on as normal so that's what I'm trying to do and maybe it would be easier had she been elderly and 'ready' to go. I haven't looked at the stages of grief because her death never felt imminent. :(

@shivermetimbers77

There’s no right way to grieve OP, everyone’s different. When my mum died I went through phases of feeling exhausted, then sad, then fine, then exhausted again. As time passed I found I would suddenly be hit by a longing to see her, but now a few years on it’s more of a bittersweet, wistful feeling. In many ways I feel like she is still around in some way as I always know exactly what she would say about any situation. Be gentle with yourself OP and give yourself time.

That sounds similar to how I feel, I just want to talk to her. And I'm exhausted but I'm not sleeping much because that's when I have all the time to think. 🙄

I’m so sorry.

There is no right way. You will reach the day when thinking about your mum won’t fill you with sadness that desperately panicky feeling you will be able to remember the good times and smile

But when no one can answer just allow yourself to feel and no one will think anything but that you are understandably very sad

Of course you're not playing the victim, you are allowed to feel whatever you feel. I would be devastated, I'm so so sorry. I wish the people in your life were giving you more tlc.

I think you should talk out loud to your mom or write her a letter. I know my grandma found great comfort in talking to my grandfather after he passed.