Invites to weekend long events for birthdays, hen weekends once in late 30s/40s

[PlaymobilMania]

Friend has invited me to a spa break early next year for her 40th.

Cost will be £200ish, plus there will be some extras plus obviously transport as it is not local. Then another friend has now suggested we all chip in £50 for a gift.

Also it involves 2 nights away from the family (I have young DC) which is probably more of an issue than the money to be honest.

DH is supportive and great with DC, but realistically I only get one or two free weekends each year to go away and do as I please without DC. And limited spare money to spend on myself. If I am being honest spending the weekend at a spa with my friend and a load of her mates (who I'm sure are lovely but I don't know them and they are not my friends) is not really my first choice of what to do with my (limited and very precious) free time and money.

Also I know several people turning 40 next year as all my school friends were 1982 babies, and I simply won't be able to go to a spa weekend for everyone, so not sure how to deal with any other invitations?? Do most people do things like this for their 40ths?

Friend is a good friend, I do value her. However she's never married or had DC herself, so I don't think she quite understands how precious free time/spare money is once you have DC.

Also I feel bad as friend has dutifully come along to everyone else's hen dos, weddings, baby showers etc (although to be fair I didn't have a hen do or baby shower myself, I just had a smallish local wedding) so I guess she now feels it is time for her to have her moment, which is fair enough but difficult as several of our friends are married with kids now so its a different ball game these days.

How to other people deal with these invites? As I say I genuinely want to be there for my friend and I want her to have a great Birthday, its just so difficult once you have kids and different to the hen do invites I got in my 20s when I was fancy-free

I don't understand why people have trouble saying no to these things. It's a huge ask! They can't expect everyone to have £250 and a spare weekend free.

Just explain you can't make it but you'd love to take her out to dinner just the two of you around that time. That will show you really value her and want to spend time with her.

I'd be all up for a weekend away without my husband and kids!

I think they are easy enough to say mo to given the cost and logistics though.

Same. I had a wonderful time with various celebrations for my 40th. Friends and family were involved but not at all of them. I made sure I arranged something easy so had a meal with close friends with kids or commitments.

My child free friends were the ones who could come on holiday ( we went long haul) I’ve not married ( very settled with a lovely man but not fussed on marriage) no babies/children to celebrate over the years. So I had a great deal of fun celebrating this. Also I feel ageing is a privilege some don’t have and should be celebrated before the birthday police start telling us only kids get to enjoy birthdays

@PlaymobilMania after all I’ve said, I wouldn’t have expected anyone to do something they didn’t want to and I would arrange something separately. My friends mean a lot to me and I would understand your circumstances/reasons and sort something else with you instead.

I'd just go, and pay for my own room. I've been able to manage a few weekends a year away since the DC were small, sometimes alone, sometimes with others. It's good for me.