Am I being over sensitive or is dp being an asshole?

[DustandDander]

So then, bit of back story. Dp and I have been together 5 years and have 2 young children. In the summer things weren't going so great, both wfh, no childcare etc etc, in the end we decided to part to sort our heads out separately as we didn't want to have drama around them, so we separated. Ff to a month ago we reunited and everything has been incredible in every way. Until tonight, going to a display with the children, driving there he pipes up "found your knickers in the bed, geeeeeez they must've been a size 30!!, glad they were yours though."

Yes I'm overweight since the dc plus 2 csections close together has meant I wear huge comfy knickers, but no I don't care, I'll do something about it next year. I'm currently size 14/16 and happy with my body. But this has really really upset me. It's like the bubbles burst, like all my confidence has gone. I'm very thick skinned a robust but this hurt, i spend the evening crying which I do not normally do!

So am I being oversensitive and need to give my head a wobble or is he an insensitive idiot?

It’s him, not you.
How on earth does he expect to get a shag after that !

What does he mean he’s glad they were yours? I don’t her that all at all, sorry.

He was really nasty, I’d be hurt too.

Probably a bit of both (unless he makes these comments regularly), he was most likely joking but your obviously sensitive to it.

I’d probably mention it him, say something like I know you were joking but it’s upset me, please don’t joke about my weight again and see what happens from here.

I don’t think you’re insensitive and I think he was being an arsehole but your “I don’t care” is a lie, because if you didn’t care you wouldn’t have spent an evening crying over what he said. So I think your reaction is because was proportionate because he pointed out one of your insecurities, whether you admit it with yourself or not.

What the last two replies said.

Your comment about being thick skinned makes me wonder whether he even registers this has hurt you. If you are hurt say so or there is a risk he thinks you are up for such ‘banter’. Saying as somebody whose partner greeted a 40+ birthday by saying ‘40 x and with a 5yo next door, cutting it fine hey’

Yes I guess I care what he thinks, and yes I left my gigantic period knickers in his bed, but his response was shitty and hurtful. In my self with my weight I'm happy and confident, but the body/Sexual confidence I had round him has gone poof. Im so easy going but this hurt

Whay sort of man says that to his DP, in fron of their young children??

He was probably joking and was making the point they are big style knickers not that you are big but he was an idiot and it came out wrong? My dh jokes about my Bridget Jones pants but I don’t really care as they’re so comfy!!

I’d tell him how upset you are…and not to make jokes relating to your size again. I’m sure that’s not what he intended and I bet If you talk to him about it he will reassure you and if he doesn’t then you know he really is just an ass!

Don’t be hard on yourself either, you’ve had two c sections and looking after two kids…you have more important things to worry about right now than your knickers!

If he doesn't usually talk to you like this I would say it's a poorly timed and thought out joke on his part, you're not being over sensitive at all and unless this is normal for him, I'd say he wasn't necessarily being an arsehole.

You need to tell him his comment hurt, and make him listen to how hurt you are by it because if you don't you'll simmer and he may well make more thoughtless comments like this and things will start to spiral.

He's an arse!!

Are things usually 'really great' because you 'manage' your relationship & moderate your expectations.

A really decent bloke wouldn't have said that.

Big knickers are the butt (!) of many jokes.
I would be more concerned about leaving your period pants in the bed.

Going against the grain.
He commented because he thought the knickers looked massive, not you. You admit that they're massive, so why is it hurtful that he says so. If he thought they looked about your size there would have been no need to comment. Perhaps they're different to what you used to wear and he's just surprised. Do tell him how you feel though like PPs have said. Especially the part about low body confidence. Hopefully it will give him the opportunity to tell you how attractive you are with all your curves and wobbly bits.

Yep my big briget Jones nasty faded period knickers! Tbh I have to wear bg knickers anyway as anything rubs my csection scars, both of which got infected and packed so that area is extra sensitive and nothing can touch there!

I do think it was a poorly timed joke that threw me. He's always saying, just that night wow you look beautiful. He's never ever said anything negative about my looks or weight before. Im going to let it go it's not worth falling out over, although I'm still hurt.

Thank you mnetters ❤️

What did he mean he's glad they were yours

@Thatsplentyjack I don't know, that's perplexed me

It's a joke. As in, glad he found yours and not the other way round (you found his big women's knickers)!