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Original poster

DP's family

23 replies

Grumpy1818 · 06/11/2021 21:35

long story short.

dp family make minimal to no effort, they never come our way its only half an hour.
non of them showed up to our daughters first birthday as they we have a small house and split her birthday into one day my family one day his, they refused to come as apparently they felt left out, which was not the case we orders two birthday cakes , two lots of food which one went to waste was they did not come.

mother in law did not even send a birthday card for her first birthday for context she has a post box in her place of work. (she has also made no effort to see her since she has been born its always effort on our part if she sees her) she's seen her considerably less compared to other family members.

she also didn't send card for husband's birthday (big birthday) siblings did tho.

she also managed to send gift and card to her other grandchild who is of similar age.

next weekend we are planned to go to mother in laws. am I being unreasonable to not want to go?

OP posts:
EnjoyingTheSilence · 06/11/2021 21:38

Stop making an effort or trying to force a relationship. It’s their loss not yours. Keep the door open and say they are welcome to visit you. What does your dh say?

Bluntness100 · 06/11/2021 21:40

What does your husband think?

Bluntness100 · 06/11/2021 21:42

non of them showed up to our daughters first birthday as they we have a small house and split her birthday into one day my family one day his, they refused to come as apparently they felt left out, which was not the case we orders two birthday cakes , two lots of food which one went to waste was they did not come

Were your family invited on her birthday and his family told they weren’t welcome?

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TrevorFountain · 06/11/2021 21:45

What does your DP have to say? Is there a FiL? How many relatives are involved?

I'd give up now and tell your DP you're not wasting years pandering to his family. So many women waste so much time on these shitty non-existent, draining relationships with in-laws who are never, ever going to be a positive addition to their lives.

Bluntness100 · 06/11/2021 21:49

@EnjoyingTheSilence

Stop making an effort or trying to force a relationship. It’s their loss not yours. Keep the door open and say they are welcome to visit you. What does your dh say?
I don’t think she is making an effort, I think it’s the opposite but seems her husband is trying to make the effort.
StopGo · 06/11/2021 21:54

Who decided to split the birthday celebrations and which family came first?

Bluntness100 · 06/11/2021 21:57

@StopGo

Who decided to split the birthday celebrations and which family came first?
Yes, who got the actual birthday,
Original poster
Grumpy1818 · 06/11/2021 21:58

@EnjoyingTheSilence

Stop making an effort or trying to force a relationship. It’s their loss not yours. Keep the door open and say they are welcome to visit you. What does your dh say?
my husband wants a relationship with his family but also doesn't want to go on the weekend as he says I'm the only person the cares about him. which breaks my hear as he's a genuinely nice guy.
OP posts:
Original poster
Grumpy1818 · 06/11/2021 22:02

@Bluntness100

non of them showed up to our daughters first birthday as they we have a small house and split her birthday into one day my family one day his, they refused to come as apparently they felt left out, which was not the case we orders two birthday cakes , two lots of food which one went to waste was they did not come

Were your family invited on her birthday and his family told they weren’t welcome?

no not at all my family were re arranged to come the day before her birthday and his family told to come on her actual birthday and they didn't come.
OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 06/11/2021 22:02

my husband wants a relationship with his family but also doesn't want
to go on the weekend as he says I'm the only person the cares about him. which breaks my hear as he's a genuinely nice guy

But you don’t care enough to want to go on the weekend with him? Yes that is heart breaking,.

Original poster
Grumpy1818 · 06/11/2021 22:03

@StopGo

Who decided to split the birthday celebrations and which family came first?
my family came first, as in the day before her birthday and his family on her actual Birthday and non go them came
OP posts:
Original poster
Grumpy1818 · 06/11/2021 22:04

@Bluntness100

*my husband wants a relationship with his family but also doesn't want to go on the weekend as he says I'm the only person the cares about him. which breaks my hear as he's a genuinely nice guy*

But you don’t care enough to want to go on the weekend with him? Yes that is heart breaking,.

my husband doesn't want to go either?
OP posts:
Original poster
Grumpy1818 · 06/11/2021 22:08

@TrevorFountain

What does your DP have to say? Is there a FiL? How many relatives are involved?

I'd give up now and tell your DP you're not wasting years pandering to his family. So many women waste so much time on these shitty non-existent, draining relationships with in-laws who are never, ever going to be a positive addition to their lives.

he feels his family does not care as he moved (only half an hour away) he has 2 sibling which live near his mother. I truly feel they don't care my family show up to everything and show much more love towards him.
OP posts:
Notagoodmonth · 06/11/2021 22:09

Wow, they didn't turn up on her actual bday!

That's outrageous!! Poor you op!! That's awful!!

I think just drop the rope they sound bizarre that must have hurt so much to have it all ready.

Concentrate on your own lovely family, if your dh doesn't want to go then don't go.

Bluntness100 · 06/11/2021 22:10

I don’t understand if he doesn’t wish to go why are you going?

Notagoodmonth · 06/11/2021 22:10

Trevor fountain,

Yes absolutely, we need to be told this when we marry into families that don't like us.

Also that it's OK not to be liked or like them but it's never ok to be as rude and hostile as many mils are.

Original poster
Grumpy1818 · 06/11/2021 22:16

@Bluntness100

I don’t understand if he doesn’t wish to go why are you going?
because he still wishes to have a relationship with his family even though he feels they do not care about him. he has no relationship with father in law he left the family 10 years plus ago.
OP posts:
Original poster
Grumpy1818 · 06/11/2021 22:20

Bluntness100
not true at all, I'm the one sending the birthday cards and present and messaging asking how they are, if I didn't do this my husband would have very minimum connection with his family.

OP posts:
Riverlee · 06/11/2021 22:20

I feel you should support your dh’s wishes and go with him. Put on a united front.

Notagoodmonth · 06/11/2021 22:28

Op, drop the rope.

Your flogging a dead horse and also, as I myself did, created a false relationship between him and them.
Let it be.

StopGo · 06/11/2021 22:50

@Grumpy1818 thank you for replying. You are flogging a dead horse so step back. DH has minimal contact, respect that and move on.

Original poster
Grumpy1818 · 06/11/2021 23:11

[quote StopGo]@Grumpy1818 thank you for replying. You are flogging a dead horse so step back. DH has minimal contact, respect that and move on.[/quote]
I agree I think the is best!

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 07/11/2021 10:10

I’m not sure why you started a thread asking if you were unreasonable given the drip feed. If your husband doesn’t wish to go, then surely your desire to not go also is irrelevant? If he doesn’t wish to go, then you should both not go.

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