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Is it possible to "sleep train" a 5 year old?

11 replies

Elderberry84 · 06/11/2021 16:16

DD is nearly 5, and sleeps in our bed. She will not fall asleep by herself and the bedtime routine involves up to an hour cuddled up to me or DH. Even then she will wake at around 10pm every night (it can be as early at 9pm) and takes a long time to resettle. Usually we end up going to bed then. As she gets bigger, sharing a bed is actually really uncomfortable. I'm getting by on about 5 hours sleep a night, often less, and am starting to feel the impact on my physical and mental health. It is also very rare that me or DH find an opportunity to have sex because we are constantly on edge about being interrupted, which is getting us both down.

Over the years we have tried repeatedly to get her to self-settle and sleep in her own room, using various methods. She was utterly impervious to everything we tried (we did everything except let her cry it out) and in the end we resorted to co-sleeping when she was about 3 because we were so bloody knackered. She is probably the stubbornest child I have ever met. Loving, funny, and a lot sharper than her speech delay makes her appear, but my god she is hard work. We have started to have conversations with her about going into her own room now that she is at big school which have been met with side eye and a mutinous expression. She must know we're up to something as she has become an even lighter sleeper in the past few months.

Has ANYONE had success in taming such a beast?! Was there a particular "method" that finally cracked it?!

Any advice would be most gratefully received. I want my bed (and husband) back!!

OP posts:
Bim2021 · 06/11/2021 16:39

Mine was almost 4 so a bit younger! But she chose a gift she wanted and we did a reward chart, I was sleeping in her bed so a bit different. I did 3 days on the floor next to her bed, 3 days on the other side of the room and then 2 nights outside until finally in my own bed! I did have to stop cuddling her to sleep too as that caused her to wake and wonder where I was. I had tried all the other methods too so I know the pain! She sleeps through most of the time now apart from the odd call out for a wee etc.

Cooperjay · 06/11/2021 16:39

I would go for something reward based at this age. Find something she really wants, make it a big ticket item. Pom pom in a jar for every time she falls asleep in her own bed.

Strawbales · 06/11/2021 16:41

I think probably easier at this age to be honest.

I think you just have to be prepared for some rough nights.

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DownWhichOfLate · 06/11/2021 16:45

Is she warm enough in bed? Try some bed socks! It sounds far too simple but seems to work for us with our atrocious sleeper.

starofwonder · 06/11/2021 16:55

We tried everything with DS and in the end, at age 6ish ended up actually paying him. We'd literally tried everything - putting him back to bed a million times, going away (he just didn't sleep and poor granny was shattered!), all manner of star charts and button pots and audio books and highlights. The only thing that worked was cold hard cash. 50p a night if we didn't see him after lights out til 6am. It worked. Mostly. Though even at 10 he still occasionally tries to come in for a cuddle!

Skyla2005 · 06/11/2021 17:13

See if you can find the back to bed technique by the 3 day nanny. You have to be persistent but it does work if you stick it out !

Bqmbiiiiii · 06/11/2021 17:17

'It isn't morning yet, go back to bed'. Early readers or interesting picture books to look at as she is going to sleep. Or some let them watch a DVD as they fall asleep

Elderberry84 · 06/11/2021 17:28

Thanks everyone -- reading your replies, I think I will try the reward jar building up to a special present (I can think of something in particular she'd go above and beyond to get her hands on). Somehow that had never occurred to me, although we used a marble jar with DS when he was going through a naughty stage a few years ago and that worked a charm! Incidentally he co-slept until 7 months and was sleeping through after three nights of very gentle sleep training so DD's obstinacy took us completely by surprise!

DownWhichOfLate I don't think she actually feels the cold! Her preference is to be naked (removes PJs almost as soon as we put them on and only wears clothes during the day due to a combination of bribes and duress). She kicks off the covers repeatedly in the night complaining that she is too hot. That said, her bedroom (where I sleep some nights for a bit of respite) is somewhat cooler than ours so I'll keep the bedsocks idea in mind!

OP posts:
Elderberry84 · 06/11/2021 17:30

Apologies for overuse of exclamation marks. The lack of sleep has me quite hysterical Wink

OP posts:
Outfoxedbyrabbits · 06/11/2021 21:41

I'd recommend the Facebook group The Beyond Sleep Training Project (they won't suggest CIO!). I think it's quite normal for young children not to want to sleep alone but there are certainly gentle ways you can help them to become more comfortable with it if it's not working for you.

In the meantime, can you and her dad alternate who cosleeps with her each night? Then you'd get a full night's sleep every other night.

Billi77 · 02/03/2022 23:18

Did you have any luck? Am hoping the silence means you did and will come back with solid gold advice

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