Husband treats stepdaughter differently to ds

[RosieOJK]

Not really sure how to tackle this situation so looking for some advice. Husband has a daughter from a previous relationship who is a very lovely well behaved girl, however on the rare occasion she is naughty he won’t tell her off or does it really half heartedly. A couple of weeks ago she punched ds and he didn’t address it at all. In contrast, he gets really cross and shouts a lot at ds who is (4 years younger) for what I would consider quite minor things such as getting up from the table when he’s supposed to be eating his dinner. I’ve spoken to him about this and he agrees he does do this but then doesn’t change his approach. I like to think it’s because he’s more comfortable with ds because he sees more of him rather than because of any kind of preference but I’m not really sure what to do now, just ignore it and hope it doesn’t foster resentment between stepdaughter and ds who generally get on very well or if there is something else I can do? Tia

Is your son his son too?
How old are they?
Of course he would treat a stepdaughter differently to his own children. She sounds awful to punch your DS.

He's an arse! He needs to step up and parent his daughter, not just be the nice parent when he sees her.

That sounds unfair

Yes ds is his son too. Stepdaughter is 10 and ds is 6, ds obviously lives with us full time and stepdaughter spends 2/3 days a week with us. The punching was actually quite out of character for her, she’s generally very well behaved but when she is badly behaved or does something she was asked not to do etc he just completely ignores it.

I feel like it’s unfair too and I do understand that he doesn’t see her as often as our son but I don’t want son to feel he’s treated more harshly. I don’t really know how to address it with him, I’ve tried talking to him about how it will make ds feel and how it makes me feel and he agrees but then doesn’t change!

What is his ex like? He could be worried that she will make things difficult for him with things dd could go back and say.
Whatever it is, he needs to sort it out as its not fair.

That’s a good point, ex is difficult so if stepdaughter went back with a sob story it would probably cause some drama

One option is for DH to have a parenting discussion with XP on acceptable behaviours and acceptable punishments.
Physical violence should be relatively easy to sort out.
As it's out of character will he inform her of what happened so that they can both ask if there was some other problem causing SD to act out?

Obviously if her and his parenting is totally different that won't work.
It's not fair to the Xp that he gets to be Disney Dad to a teenager and not fair to her if her Dad is ignoring his parental responsibility.