Snide comments from ‘friend’.

[Eastie77Returns]

We’ve know each other since childhood and she refers to me as her best/oldest friend but she has history of making ‘side comments’ about me and others in our circle. I’ve brushed it off in the past but recently it is really starting to annoy me and

The most recent ones: When DS (6) proudly displayed his Player of the Month award from a team he recently joined she said “ They always give those awards to the new starters”

After my recent hard won promotion “I read [my industry] is so short staffed they are begging people to take jobs, they probably promoted you to make sure you don’t leave”

I could go on. It’s all said with a laugh as if she’s joking but I feel she purposely wants to deflate any good news I get. I should add that I don’t proactively tell her stuff, she finds out and then makes a point of making a negative comment.

I’m weighing up if it’s worth keeping in contact with her or losing a lifetime of friendship😔

Next snide comment I'd actually call her out on it. I'd say "that's actually very hurtful" "that wasn't very nice" "are you being serious" etc and be firm that you find it hard to be friends with her when she says these things. She comes across as quite mean and jealous x

A lifetime of friendship.

A lifetime of snide remarks.

Good suggestion from blissfullife, to try to change the situation.
Otherwise it doesn't sound like a great friendship.

Start pulling her up. Don't laugh it off anymore.

Then you'll decide on whether you want to stay friends with her or not.

Don't put up with this. What a cow. She must be very insecure in herself.

OP

After my recent hard won promotion “I read [my industry] is so short staffed they are begging people to take jobs, they probably promoted you to make sure you don’t leave”

You should have said maybe they wouldn't want to employ someone like you...

Right back at the bitch!

There comes a point where you have to knock this on the head. I was tolerating similar and when I hit 40 realised that a) I didn’t want to anymore and b) it was having an impact on my self esteem. One thing I’ve twigged is that it’s not my job to smooth over rudeness from other people. If she says something rude feel free to say nothing (as in literally not reply and just look back at her), or as others have said, tackle it there and then. But it’s not your job to make her rude comment less awkward. That it’s uncomfortable is on her. Let her feel uncomfortable! These sorts of people are only able to carry on because the recipient graciously plays their role. Feel free to stop…

I'd reply. ' Oh gosh really. How disappointing. I thought he/I'd done well and was feeling pleased. What a shame'
If she doesn't intend being unkind it will make her realize.

“That’s an ungenerous comment. Are you ok?”

My sister was like this, I was stumped every time, now I wish I’d said something like what I wrote above, but I was generally too surprised. I don’t see her at all anymore!

I couldn't put up with that, so I'd either give her the benefit of the doubt in case she doesn't realise (I doubt it) and pull her up there and then. This then gives her the opportunity to address it. If she doesnt , end the 'friendship'

Get rid! I had a so called friend like this. she was negative about anything positive that was happening in my life and it was always snide comments. I dumped the cow and you should too!

Try calling her out on the next comment, if that doesn’t work then dump her.

Snide comments to you and your circle of friends
Can you say, "Well that was uncalled for." Every time. Whether it is you or your circle.
Will your circle back you up or look at the floor? Will the circle close you out if you drop her snidy ass?

Just because you've put up with it for this long, you don't have to carry on.

People change and over time we get less tolerant of this sort of bollocks.

There's some great advice here. It's highly unlikely she'll change tbh but it might be worth showing her a mirror and calling her out on it at the time - e.g. "So you don't think I / he deserves it then?". At least you'll have the satisfaction that she knows why she's been dumped when the inevitable happens.

I’ve called her out on comments in the past. She normally responds arily “oh you know me, I just tell it how it is” or some variation of that.

Occasionally she’ll feign surprise and say she didn’t realise her comment was unpleasant. Or she’ll throw in a self deprecating comment about herself (“oh I’m so overweight”) but then manage to drag you down at the same time (“shall we both do x diet together? You’ve put on a few pounds yourself haven’t you haha”).

She likes to tell everyone she is always straight with people so they know where they are with her as she doesn’t like falseness.

@Bibbetybobbity I’m actually approaching 40 and now finding my tolerance for this behaviour has declined.

@Taoneusa - I love that response!

Pull her up on it or end friendship

I’d just end the friendship and it sounds like you’ll be much happier for doing so.

End it and if she asks you why tell her it’s because her ‘tell it how it is’ way of thinking is rude, belittling, nasty, unkind and unsupportive.

I couldn’t be doing with that shite!

I got rid of one those friendships few year ago, also a childhood friend.
Never looked back.

Call her out on every single comment then tell her she’s only made derogatory comments since forever and doesn’t she ever have anything nice to say? It’s extremely wearing.

Life is too short for such a toxic cow!

She likes to tell everyone she is always straight with people so they know where they are with her as she doesn’t like falseness.

She sounds like one of those people who can dish it but cant take it.
Pull her up everytime.Shes sounds nasty.