Away with DH. NOTHING to say to each other.

[pumpkinpieintheski]

Hi.
I'm away for the weekend with my DH. Romantic hotel. Nice mini break for us without DD or step son. First time away since we had DD. It's become apparent have absolutely NOTHING to say to each other. Dinner was painful, drinks after even worse. Trying not to talk about work which is all we really manage to talk about to make conversation flow. Just feeling a bit sad, when did this happen? We never used to have a problem talking, I feel like life has got in the way of us and I've only just realised...we're normally so busy and now we've stopped it all feels a bit weird. Is this normal??

I struggle with this now mine is working from home. He never goes anywhere or sees anyone so we don’t have much to talk about!

I'd never go out with my DH for dinner and drinks afterwards, that's more of an activity for dates or friends isn't it?

This is mine and DH’s favourite thing to do together, if we ever get chance! If you’re having a weekend away it’s fairly normal to have dinner and drinks in the evening isn’t it?

OP it is pretty normal to feel like this when you have young kids. However it sounds like his general grumpiness is causing an issue. Is he usually like this?

Don’t you just talk constantly about the kids? That’s what we used to do if we ever got a night away! Not great either but better than nothing! Hope second night will be better, sometimes it takes a while to get used to being a couple again!

I would suggest a few large gins tbh!

It sounds like he is being grumpy/withholding his attention or affection. I'd talk to him today, say come on, let's make the most of time by ourselves, what would you love to spend the day doing? If he still won't smile or talk to you, you have a problem.

I remember going out for DH once for an anniversary dinner once and it was the first time we had been out just the two of us in probably about a year without the kids. I remember this feeling well. You get so used to just talking about the kids and work all the time, and just dividing up chores to do, that sometimes you don't know how to have normal conversations anymore.

Can you try to bring up something in the news to discuss? Or are there any holidays plans or something you could have a chat about.

Thankyou so much for all your replies. It came to a bit of a head last night with a blow up argument about something very ridiculous. He was really in a very strange mood but by then so was I! Luckily he's woken up much happier - said sorry, then sorry again then we had some make up sex and now everything is much better and he seems excited for our day today.
Deep down I'm still a bit miffed and upset at his attitude yesterday but he seems so much more chatty and himself today so determined to not let it spoil this rare weekend away!
Also thanks for the conversation starters. I've made a mental note of them for dinner this evening in case we're still struggling to talk!

@Leaveitonthefloordrobe

Give him a massage??!? Do people actually do stuff like that? DH would piss himself laughing if I suggested that

I thought the same 😂 Sorry, I don't have any advice to offer. Dh and I rarely do anything as a couple and if I'm honest I worry a bit about what life will be like when the kids aren't living here anymore.

We do. We don't suggest it we just chit chat in bed for a while then one person will give a massage that will turn into sex. You should try it some time.

Park 3 topics for conversation in your head (something on the news recently, something that's happened to friends/family), when the mood gets stale bring out your 3 topics.

I am pleased your day has perked up.

Crassly I'd say sex is the best way to get over this kind of hump in my relationship. I am usually the overtired and disengaged one (job stress). Once I've had a Bath and an orgasm I'm much more in the zone to engage and be better company.

Pleased for you OP.

Put last night behind you. And have fun :)

Maybe just talk about work to start off the conversation and it might lead you to different subjects. X

Yeah we give each other massages most nights, bottle of grape seed oil by the bed. We both have physical jobs and hobbies so maybe that’s why. I went on a course my oesteopath was teaching so I could do it better. My partner is not so good at it but we have a massage gun I get him to use on me. It’s a lovely way to be affectionate with each other give it a try

I’m so glad to read all these people saying it’s normal! I worry sometimes that me and DH don’t have deep, meaningful conversations ever. We always end up gossiping about family and friends or talking about our 3 year old and funny things she’s done, or sitting in (non awkward) silence. Oh and a lot of convos about what we are having for dinner! I’m pregnant and looking forward to the baby as it will give us something else to talk about 🤷‍♀️. However we are both fairly quiet people who don’t need to talk all the time iyswim and enjoy each other’s company, so maybe we shouldn’t put so much pressure on?