Do your Dcs friends tell you if they have additional needs ?

[penguinssmell]

My DS can be quirky and very quiet I suspect some additional needs and he seems to attract kids who are very hyper, maybe as he will go along with them. The issue is, I don't want to invite someone round that I won't be able to cope with. We had this twice before, one friend they were really violent, I don't mean play fighting it was horrible the other boy had a total lie-on-the floor meltdown over going home. I'm sure this is uncommon, but DS hasn't had a school friend around since this happened one half term last year, because I'm nervous and partly with covid stopping things. He keeps asking to have a particular friend over, who he says is a crazy run- around boy.

I can't ask a parent if there is any issues, but can I ask the mum to come too? This is really tricky, I wouldn't want DS discriminated against either, but I'm very open with any struggles. I also don't want to ask them over once and then it goes badly and have the expectation to do it again as we all live in the same village 😬

Ah this is tricky and I'm not saying that my DS isn't part of the issue

My DS can be tricky, possibly adhd, and has a friend with similar issues but he is more extreme in his emotional outbursts. I chatted with his parent first and we do play dates with us both there. It's too much to expect perfect behaviour, better to not set them up to fail, so we do short meet ups and are ready to leave if the children can't cope.

Can you work out a way to have him over where they let off steam first? An hour in a local play park after school, charging around. Bring a flask of cocoa or tomato soup if it's frosty) And then put them in front of a film or computer game and give them pizza.

What about suggesting going to the park together or something instead for now? Something casual.

I did suggest something outdoor, but the mum said the boy was too wild to do this even with her supervision. I don't know if this is because of a special need or if she is very cautious. My Dc are quite---- outdoorsy, but quiet. But of course it might just be an excuse as he doesn't want to ? It's hard to know.

How old are they?

6

At that age, I just ask whichever parent I’m setting up play date with if their child has any special needs or food allergies I should know about. I have DC with special needs and don’t mind being asked, if not asked will volunteer the info.

I did this until they were old enough to arrange own play dates and we parents were just hosts and taxis. When they are this age, they can choose to share their medical info or not regarding special needs. Although I would still always ask their friend directly any food allergies, dietary requirements if feeding them to be sure no dangerous mistakes.

Tbh at this age it’s ok to offer something involving parents e.g “get together “ in a park/ playground etc. I would start with something locally.

Tbh at this age if ds was invited somewhere I would always let the parent know privately that ds had ASD as otherwise he might be quite blunt about the food or activity he was offered and I hated for people to think he was just rude

Like PP I would suggest an outdoor activity if he’s very energetic, it may be there are needs there that she doesn’t know about yet?