How do you get your 16+ teen boys to talk to you?

[sharpiepaper]

If I ask my 17 year old DS anything I either get a grunt or ‘fine’. We eat together every evening and he can’t finish quickly enough so he can get away. If anything out of the ordinary has happened that day he can be quite enthusiastic, but it’s a rare occurrence. I’ve got no reason to be worried about him, but I’d love him to be bit more chatty and know what is going on in his life/head.

Mine are 18 and 21. I’ve never found a way to stop the 21 year old talking.

The 18 year old is about timing so when he’s (captive) in the car or when we’re watching football matches together at half time. It’s also a lot of listening to the minutiae of graphics cards statistics while my eyes glaze over...

@Hen2018

Mine are 18 and 21. I’ve never found a way to stop the 21 year old talking.

The 18 year old is about timing so when he’s (captive) in the car or when we’re watching football matches together at half time. It’s also a lot of listening to the minutiae of graphics cards statistics while my eyes glaze over...

Good point - good conversation is about listening as well. You have to listen and respond to what they are interested in, as well as trying to get what you actually want to know out of them. AS tiny DCs it was Thomas the Tank Engine and his friends, or dinosaurs or superheros etc. As near adults, they will still have their 'things' that they will talk about. Engage, and then try and move the conversation round.

A trip somewhere relaxing in the car + some tasty food.

[quote Ginandplatonic]@LennyMurdoch you are perfectly illustrating my point - this smug implication that your kids talk and mine don’t because you’re a stellar parent and I’m not is pretty arrogant. And wrong.[/quote]
Happens all the time on MN. So many women preening themselves for having perfect kids because of their fantastic "parenting".

Having said that, I do find the car journey thing helps with my ds. However, he's at uni now and is very uncommunicative, I just get the odd whatsapp from him. That is him though, he's always been out of sight out of mind when on school trips as well, nothing to do with inadequate "parenting".

Happens all the time on MN. So many women preening themselves for having perfect kids because of their fantastic "parenting".

Good good that's not what I meant at all. Nothing perfect about my kids or my parenting. I do however feel that my ground work helped. Why people think that's a judgement on them I have no idea. It's not.

I open with
“Wa Gwan Ma Fam”

It’s reassuring to know that so many of you have similar communication issues. I have noticed DS will talk more when it’s just me and him in the car. We sometimes go out for lunch at the weekend and will get snippets out of him then too.
I also have a 15 year old DD who tells me EVERYTHING. We raised them the same and they are very close but DD talks and DS doesn’t. I honestly don’t think it’s my parenting

Costa drive thru

Sorry hit send too soon. He’s way chattier if we go for a drive thru and sit in the car with a coffee watching the world go by than if we sit at a table in a cafe

My two aged 16 and 20 are very open and communicative, l think it does depend on their personalities, and neither seemed embarrassed or awkward when they come out with me, which is quite often. I am a single widowed parent, my youngest even works with me at same store at weekends, they are generally happy to lucky, where as l was quite a moody teenager. My late husband had a huge personality and loved to talk.
My sons know they can talk to me about anything and ever, nothing is off limits, l have always encouraged it, l am probably guilty of offloading on them at times, as l don't have a partner, they are very patient, as one works from home, and the youngest is home schooled last 3 years, and l often forget they are working, studying when l see them sat at computors. I think maybe because the three of us have had to deal with a devastating loss, it's made us closer.

I agree with baths and car journeys. The minute my arse hit the water my DS would want to chat. He still opens up now in the car.

My 16 year old does not like to talk much. It's normal - lots don't want to talk to you and they don't like it when you are too nosey about their business.
Maybe try and talk about stuff in your life or current affairs and see if you can get some reactions. it might lead to other conversations

Non-communicative 16 year olds is par for the course.

I was going to suggest car journeys as well.

Also, if they voluntarily stop and talk to you, stop and listen, even if it’s utter dribble, and means you missing the Strictly final. Be there for when they need you.

I'd love to know too. I've tried car journeys. Hours of silence with him plugged into head phones.

DS1 is pretty good company actually, but getting even tiny morsels of conversation from DS2 is like pulling teeth.

Honestly I wish I knew, it’s like pulling teeth sometimes with my near 16 year old. Even in the car, it’s like getting blood from a stone. Sometimes on walks he will engage, and often will ask if I want to go for a walk with him, which is heartening. Totally recommend doing Premier League Fantasy Football, that has been great, at least I get a bit of chat and banter that way. He’s a happy boy, but he’s not exactly chatty with me - he’s an endless stream of chat with his friends though. Hoping he will emerge from this phase with something more than a grunt in a year or so.

I dread this. I lip read and can't talk and drive at all, at least not without crashing. Can't really do anything without eye contact

Turn the WiFi off

I’d ask question after question and based on volume and timbre of grunt I could tell exactly what they meant. Just joking.

Honestly, they seemed to be more apt to talk to DH than me. And from what I gather it is normal for teens to communicate with one parent more than another.