School WhatsApp groups!!! (Spoof)

[MrMrsJones]

Stolen from Popcorn for lunch (Facebook)

Love them or loathe them, school parent WhatsApp groups have become an inescapable fact of life.

Having been a school parent for a few years, I’ve observed some subtle differences between the new parents’ WhatsApp messages and the messages exchanged between seasoned parents.

New Parents:

MUM 1: Does anyone know what’s on the dinner menu for 30th September 2022? Veronica Margerie is asking and I want to be prepared!! If it’s anything with dairy I’ll probably just send a packed lunch, to be honest. The last time she ate dairy from a source other than the organic, sustainable, eco-embracing goat and hedgehog farm near our house, she came out in HIVES.

MUM 2: OMG 😱 It is SO hard to plan ahead, isn’t it. Personally, I prefer packed lunches. Viscal Luther had an incident with some peas that were inadvertently put on his plate three days into term. Have written to the school requesting a copy of their adverse incident policy and will probably ask for that to be updated in light of what happened, tbh. He hasn’t been the same since. Brought him to the GP and am pushing for tests in case he’s been psychologically damaged.

MUM 3: We’ve been to the GP twice this week with Tulip Flamingo! She came home on Thursday and said that someone coughed near the sandpit and then she played IN THE SANDPIT the next day.
Horror. Gave her a Dettol bath but, to be honest, she really needed a 50-day course of antibiotics. Thankfully the GP was sooooo accomodating after I threatened to bludgeon him with my handbag 🥰

MUM 4: Sorry to change the subject but can anyone give me the exact start and end times of the class Christmas party?! I know which day it’s on but I’d really like to know TIMES.
I’m going shopping tomorrow and want to pick a suitable holding spray for Basil’s hair. Need one that’ll last for the duration of the party. He inherited his gorgeous curls from his father’s great grandfather, who was the Earl of Pisswick-on-Thames 😍😍😍

MUM 5: OMG that’s soooooo amazing!!!! I went on a river cruise along Pisswick-on-Thames in 2003!!! SUCH a small world…..

Meanwhile, over in the veteran parents’ WhatsApp group…

MUM 1: What day is swimming?

MUM 2: Wednesday

MUM 1: 👍🏻

Parent who goes "I saw this tripe conspiracy theory on FB and thought I should warn you all".

Fuck off idiot.

@Clocktopus OMG
How embrassing everyone jumped to the wrong conclusion. They wouldn't have batted an eyelid if the mum was Facetiming outside the school.

They were utterly unrepentant too.

The WhatsApp I'm on with my youngest DS's class was brilliant at the start of the first lockdown. Loads of funny memes and videos and comments about lockdown keeping our spirits up. The other WhatsApp group for DS1's class was something along the lines of

• This is a bit crap, isn't it?
• Yeah
• 🙁
• 😫

Personally, during lockdown, I preferred the more animated group. But under normal circumstances it was a pain in the ass.

It's not an obligation to be in these groups though, no? Especially if you can get all the info you need from newsletters, emails, talking to class teacher, etc

@NotAnotherPylon

The WhatsApp I'm on with my youngest DS's class was brilliant at the start of the first lockdown. Loads of funny memes and videos and comments about lockdown keeping our spirits up. The other WhatsApp group for DS1's class was something along the lines of

• This is a bit crap, isn't it?
• Yeah
• 🙁
• 😫

Personally, during lockdown, I preferred the more animated group. But under normal circumstances it was a pain in the ass.

Lockdown memes made me want to kill people. I didn't find them in the slightest bit funny tbh. And they certainly weren't uplifting.

It really made me feel alienated cos i wasn't laughing along with the totally inane.

@justswaying

It's not an obligation to be in these groups though, no? Especially if you can get all the info you need from newsletters, emails, talking to class teacher, etc

They are good for some things, like lost clothing, and in the days of fly boy "forgetting" or miss writing the spelling words, getting them from another mum out side school hours can be really helpful.

Emailed letters don't go missing as often but it can be helpful if someone sticks up the remainder tomorrow is a dress down day.

Or the loads of questions new start mums have. When my eldest started we had two proper visits to school, lo was 45 mins in the playground. Lots of information to take in during a short introduction.

I like the person on mine who just screenshots the email from school that gave the information. Inane questions, from someone who hasn't read an email... the same person almost every time, and a sort of passive aggressive screen shot sent back with no text reference.

🤣🤣 love that, but I've been a school parent for 11 years and still not part of any groups.

I'm so glad WhatsApp wasn't around at the school gates...I grabbed the kids and made a run for it

My biggest bugbear is parents using the year WhatsApp as a forum for chatting with a small group of friends. The other 170 parents who have no idea who you are don't need to scroll through messages about your holiday in Dubai or whatever to get through to the useful bits.

Same for "interesting" articles shared, jokes/memes or photos of your group night out.

All lovely things to share with a small group of people you know, not a load of random strangers.

I loved that post @MrMrsJones, i've been in a funny mood all day and you've managed to get me to laugh, so feeling much better.
I would place myself in the veteran category and there are a few of us who are regularly in contact and we aren't the 'soccer-mom, PTA group' at all. I wouldn't dream of making anything for my DS to take to school these days given it'd need to be lactose, dairy, nut, gluten and vegan free before it passed 'security.' Will always pack a spare swim-set in case one of those kids forgets and the other mum's do the same. The year-head has had us download an additional 'school-app' where were are more easily able to commuinate which i find completely bizarre given the emails we recieve and numerous crumpled up envelopes my DS still brings home with him. It's a lot to sift through these days online and in real-life! How you cope with more than one DC at different schools i'll never ever know.

@Clocktopus

I'm in four of the bloody things.

Year 8 group - fairly normal, occasional grumbling about "flipping teenagers", one mum who was foaming that her DD was put in detention once for hitting another child and brings it up at every opportunity.

Year 3 group - absolutely ace, all really nice and friendly, no one seems to be a nob.

Reception group - sake as the Year 3 group and has a lot of people from the year three group on it too.

Year 5 group - fuck my life, they're a bunch of dickheads. When the DC moved from junior school to middle school it was like a Greek tragedy, umpteen posts about "my baby is growing up" and "I'm not ready for this", they were all trying to out do each other over who was the most upset and then in the last day of term they were all crying in the yard and then wondering why their DC were so upset. Me and the 2-3 other non-dickhead mums were They mean well but everything is so OTT. The DC went on a residential at the start of middle school, one night away and they were there to wave the coach off, again sobbing as it pulled away and then wondering why their DC were at the coach windows crying.

Nooooooo! I was hoping that the teenage years would mean that I would no longer have to participate in this nonsense

I’m pretty sure they’re rare in secondary. I’m hoping so at least.

My eldest is in year 6 - after the first term, the headteacher left after a very long stint at the school. All the parents who already had a child at the school were heartbroken and since then everything that hasn’t gone entirely smoothly (and they are a very negative bunch) has been the new HT’s fault. Six years later, they are still at it.

They’ve already started to talk about how the local secondary is not what it was, but DC isn’t going there, so I won’t be subjected to the moaning any more.

@Legomania

Ours goes "Has anyone seen Steve's jumper?" And then 30 replies from people who DON'T have the jumper...

Not here hun.

Sorry, not here.

Hope you find it.

Not here hun.

@RuleWithAWoodenFoot

I like the person on mine who just screenshots the email from school that gave the information. Inane questions, from someone who hasn't read an email... the same person almost every time, and a sort of passive aggressive screen shot sent back with no text reference.

We have one of these. I love her.