How can I best support my 3 year old with sensory processing issues

[DoubleGlouceater]

A paediatrician recently picked up on some of ds’s ‘quirks’ and has diagnosed him with sensory processing disorder and has suggested an autism referral. They also recommended getting a private OT in, which we will struggle with due to cost.
What can I do to help ds in the meantime, whilst we await a referral?

Behaviours are

• Pretty limited diet and refusal to try new foods and drink
• poor eye contact sometimes
• strong dislike of hair brushing, hair cuts and tooth brushing - tantrums every time, which is pretty hard going
• hitting and growling when things don’t go his way, tantrums often
• terrified of hand dryers
• constantly sticking hand up his own jumper/down trousers/sticking hand in other people’s sleeves
• thumb sucking
• rigid expectations and dislike when things go differently to expected
• would always prefer to stay at home rather than go out
• obsessions with certain tv programmes
• bath water has to be very cold
• doesn’t like unbalanced surfaces
• won’t wear jeans

Thanks for any advice.

Investigate Sensory Integration.

You’ve had some great advice on here already…DD is 8 now, she showed lots of these signs as a toddler. Some have improved, some have remained. I am Autistic myself. I’ve asked for DD to be assessed by paeds, unfortunately she functions “well” at school and they said she doesn’t meet the threshold. We work with the issues that remain.

Some things that helped with DD - now I’m not saying they will help, all kids are different -

• Food, we did reward charts just to taste different foods. Not necessarily eating them, just literally putting them in her mouth. This expanded her preferences over time, she started eating more fruit, things like cucumber. The biggest thing that changed DD’s eating habits was actually school dinners. We signed her up for dinners, she tried them. Some things she refused like curry but she actually will eat things like meatballs, macaroni cheese, jacket potatoes, fish cakes, all of which she refused before starting school.
• Agree with op, DD much prefers the strawberry toothpaste (pretty sure it’s Colgate). I also found she was more willing to brush with a “fun” toothbrush. There are fancy toothbrushes that connect to phones and reward them for “good brushing”. Hair wise we only washed once a week, better with distractions, a towel for the face (she hated the feeling of water in her eyes), tangle teaser for gentler brushing. This is something that has improved in time.
• Clothing - we have a limited selection of clothes DD will wear, I buy extras if she finds something she loves. Cotton clothing is her preference, minimal seams. M&S do sensory clothing, so do the Sensory Smart store. DD loves the latter’s seamless socks, we buy in bulk! Next are quite good for organic cotton clothing too. She hates anything with sequins (unless they are fully lined). It has been trial and error in terms of clothing but I’ve learned what she will wear and I won’t let her remove the tags unless she’s tried them on at least twice.
• Eye contact - please don’t force this. I can just about give you eye contact or I can listen to what you’re saying. I can’t do both at once. I find eye contact incredibly intimate, can only really do it with DH and DD.
• Hand dryers improved for DD. She used to hate them, we would make a beeline for places with loos in individual cubicles so she didn’t have other people using them. She preferred to just shake dry.
• Thumb sucking DD has just stopped. She did this through will power making the choice after years of encouragement. I was quite amazed she managed to do it. It’s a comfort thing, she also use twirl her hair. I think it’s helpful to have a selection of sensory toys, ones with different textures, spiky, soft, rubbery…I still like these as an Autistic adult.
• Change from routine - when DD was that age I bought a pictorial calendar (link below), it came with some pictures and I laminated photos too. This way she had an idea of what was happening each day. We still give time countdown warnings before we leave or things change whenever we can. We also make her set a timer on the iPad so she doesn’t have unlimited screen time, makes it easier to get her to come off it!

Like I say, there’s no one size fits all. Some things might help, some might not. Just thought I’d share what things have helped us.

Plastic Visual Weekly Planner (English) www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00JNPWW6S/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_V9Y5YKQK4CBJDE0008BP?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

Just going to chuck in my thoughts...
Every one of us had our own "sensory" picture. I love a rough towel, I don't like roller coasters, I don't like drinks too hot, I can't concentrate when there is background noise, I like roomy shoes! My OH doesn't like massage, loves really hot baths, doesn't mind background noise.
We each do things out own way, which makes us feel comfortable in our lives.
As you've said, you've already recognised a lot of things that your son has preferences/needs for, or avoids, and it is not taking the easy way out by allowing him to have these preferences met and his life be comfortable.
If you stuck me in high heels and put me in a rollercoaster I'd not be slow in letting everyone know how unhappy I was!
If something he 'needs' is damaging (eg thumb sucking), that need might be met by something else similar (Chewlery or chewy tube)

Thanks, more very useful advice.
I am excited to try out some of these ideas now. He has had three bad days at nursery this week on the hitting/throwing front so I need some hope that things can get better.

Dd2 was never diagnosed with sensory processing disorder, but I suspect she had this. The things that helped us were ear defenders, seamless socks, and meals were the ingredients are served separately and you can get what you want (roast dinners, tacos, make your own pizzas, pasta where we served plain pasta with sauces and Cheeses seperate so you can add what you want).

She is a little older now and is helped by breathing exercises, which we practiced together, and a visualisation technique called Safe Place.

Really recommend this book

www.amazon.co.uk/Understanding-Your-Childs-Sensory-Signals/dp/1466263539?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

I don't have a lot of advice because every kid is different, but DD2 has sensory processing issues along with ADHD and one thing I can say - don't worry about the hair washing. You can go aaaages without washing their hair, specially if he is willing to let it get wet in the shower. I used to get in the shower with DD when she was teeny and wash my own hair and then she would let me put some soap on hers.

I recommend this guidea LOT. Massive thanks to Falkirk for making it publicly available.

NAS are fab. You do not need a diagnosis to get support. If they have local groups in your area they often offer training or workshops on particular differences, such as sensory differences. During the pandemic they have offered some webinars which were fab , and of course wouldn't matter where you were. (haven't looked recently, but worth a look).

Contact have also put on some excellent webinars. You have to book on via eventbrite but tickets are free

Things like clothing are quite easy to adjust, he'll probably prefer trackpants and t-shirts which are easily accessible.

Noises - you'll develop a habit of shielding him from sudden loud noises such as hand dryers, spa bubbles, power tools, vacuum cleaners etc.

Foods - I'd agree that it needn't be a huge focus to get him to try new foods. He might be able to tolerate trying things better when he's more settled in other ways but he's so little and probably overwhelmed that it's just one more challenge.

How's his sleep? Mine likes a tunnel arrangement, pillows under the sheets to create a cocoon, helps him feel hugged and secure. Also a weighted blanket.

Hair washing and brushing... sounds v painful but in all honesty a small child's hair doesn't need to be washed v often and even brushing needn't be a priority. I'd rather have them feeling good.

Resistance is good. You can pop a bag of sand into a little backpack and get him to wear that, or little weighted wrist bands.

Physical exertion, especially resistance is time in a swimming pool, running, scooting, biking or on a trampoline. When my boy was little we had a little trampoline in the living room for him to jump on.

Thanks again, all this advice is massively helpful and gives me loads of avenues to go down.
Food wise, am I doing the right thing by serving up tea without comment and then serving up dessert without comment, whether or not he eats the first course? I do make him sit at the table while we eat but he doesn’t have to eat anything. A relative commented that I’m ‘being played’ because he skipped his mains and just had dessert. But I thought this was the idea, to give them some control.

@Doubleglouceater

Thanks again, all this advice is massively helpful and gives me loads of avenues to go down. Food wise, am I doing the right thing by serving up tea without comment and then serving up dessert without comment, whether or not he eats the first course? I do make him sit at the table while we eat but he doesn’t have to eat anything. A relative commented that I’m ‘being played’ because he skipped his mains and just had dessert. But I thought this was the idea, to give them some control.

Absolutely fine. Your relative is being spectacularly unhelpful.

That is such a relief, @50ShadesOfCatholic, thanks for replying.