Please come and tell me the positives about your child starting school!

[Doubledoors]

Name changed for this. We’re in the middle of sorting out a school place for my only DC and I just feel so gloomy about it. I know IABVU but she’s our only one, we’re probably not able to have any more, and I’ve been at home full time with her since she was born. I think these factors are heightening the emotions!

Obviously Covid has taken up nearly half of the time, and it has by no means been easy - but we’ve been together 24/7 and I feel almost sick with sadness that this era is going to come to an end. I know I need to snap out of it because she doesn’t start for nearly another year! (Obviously she has no idea, she thinks it’s all very exciting and positive)

Can anyone shine some light on some of the positive aspects of this next chapter we’re about to embark on? Anything at all to make me feel less down about it? Literally anything!

I have two DCs, youngest started reception this year.

I have loved seeing him develop so quickly, the way he speaks, the new ideas he has, new turns of phrase. Hearing him talk about things he has done with his friends. Seeing his new skills, beginning to learn to read etc. It is hard because it's a new era, but having kids to me is one long process of letting go and moving into new eras. The change can be difficult but its exciting too, and if you can frame it as the start of something new rather than the end of something, it's not so sad.

I find going to pick them up just great too, it's so lovely to see their little faces each afternoon and I have a renewed appreciation and gratitude for what I have, which is easy to take for granted otherwise.

Recently my youngest had after school club as my oldest had an appointment. Felt very strange not to pick them both up, but I saw youngest skipping off to after school club with his friend but he didn't know I was there. Watching him in his own little world, happily existing and moving through it without me, was a bit of a weird feeling but basically very cool - it's what we want for them in the end after all. They start to dip their toes in that experience when they go to school.

It's lovely to see them make friends, have new interests / experiences and learn lots of new and exciting things. Also if she's been with you 24/7 it will be fun for her to have things to tell you, as at the minute you share a lot of experiences.

Also slightly off topic are you planning to send her to preschool at all before she starts? It might be a bit of a shock if her first time away is starting Reception, especially if they start with full days.

My eldest started this year and honestly it's been incredible. He has always been a sweetheart and my pride and joy but seeing him blossom at school is in a different league. He's gone from not interested in reading and writing etc to being a little learning machine. He's so full of life and imagination.

If I'm being totally honest I don't think it's a good idea for you or your DC to go from absolutely nothing into a school environment. Have they not been to nursery or playgroup or anything? If I were you I'd rather they started this year getting some experience being apart from you in a social group setting, even just a few hours at a time. It's wonderful having them at home when they are little but a bit of variety in their setting could be beneficial before starting school.

It’s been lovely to see my DD flourish at school; I’ve been really proud about how she’s adapted and she’s learning so much and really showing an interest in the world.

The excitement when they see you at the end of the day is amazing.

It will be emotional for both of you though. I agree with the pp that a preschool is a must if she’s not already going.

It is so hard isn't it? When ny eldest started I was on mat leave and had 3 little ones with me all day every day. We were such a haply unit and I dreaded him going and thought we would miss him so much. But the sense of peace you get fron seeing them so happy really helps. They need to grow and develop their own little lives. Now my baby will start in Sept and I am really dreading that! But I know it is right for her.

Thank you for these responses, they are so helpful. Yes she’ll be going to preschool after Christmas but I don’t feel quite so bereft about that as it’s only a couple of mornings a week! She hasn’t mixed as much without me as she perhaps would have done without the pandemic (CEV family member so we’ve had to be cautious and it’s certainly limited what we’ve been able to do).

Reading these lovely comments has really helped me think about how to adopt a more positive attitude!

The opportunity to regain your financial independence must be the biggest, being dependent on a man is super scary

Seeing them develop and learn is amazing.

They are so cute in the wee uniforms.

They get invited to lots of fun parties and make new friends.

The peace and quiet. I don't work Fridays and now both are in school it is a day where I can do whatever I want! It's amazing.

@Notdoingthis arrhh I can just imagine! But you’re so right, it’s the right thing for them and I know she’s ready to spread her wings a bit.

@WaterBottle123 You have literally no idea of OP's financial circumstances as she hasn't mentioned them. She could be wfh, freelance working after bedtime, or she could be living on savings or inheritance or benefits. Or she could have a partner who is happy for her to be a SAHM for now.

You have zero idea. And she didn't ask. It's none of your business.

I was nervous about my eldest starting school this year. She had been at nursery PT but she's an august birthday and slightly behind with some gross motor developmental milestones (eg shes 4y 3m but still really struggles to dress herself without help).

But to my surprise she's done fantastically and is really enjoying it. It's great to see how much she's learned so quickly, watching her learn to read and write and engage with the world in a wider way

Honestly the school day is also SO short. Im working from home 4 days again now and it rushes by!

@LadyCleathStuart I do think I’ll learn to enjoy the peace - I’ve been retraining since she was 20 months old (another degree plus professional qualification) but mostly fitting it in around naps, evenings, weekends, etc! Once I’ve stopped weeping and pulled myself together the extra time will be very valuable, I must admit!

I've been a SAHM for 15 years and my youngest is going to preschool soon just part time then school next year.

Quite frankly I'm looking forward to a rest 🤣

Also looking forward to being "me" again after so long rather than "mummy" and having a bit more time for myself eg more time to read etc.

No plans to go to work etc I'm very lucky we are comfortable

I can only mention myself - at home with DM and younger siblings until 5 1/2, no car, hardly any outings except to the shops, no nursery or playgroup, just house and garden and very few toys by today’s standards.
This was back in the Very Olden Days so fairly common then.

I was dying to go to school and settled in absolutely fine.

My dd started kindergarten last year at nearly four! She loved it. It was mainly learning through play but she was very happy to go in after an initial weariness leaving me broken hearted for a few days at the gates. She couldn't remember what she had done most days but she had a happy smiling face when she left the school door and said she had had a 'nice time'.

She has just gone in to Reception this September and she is as sharp as a tack. She devours her 'homework' as in as soon as we are through the door we have to do it straight away. Reading book day is a fan fare, a new book! Choosing her own library book out of the school library was a revelation - she has gone through all the dinosaur books ( which tbh I have really enjoyed too

When we have finished our bed time stories she will tell me about all the 'drama' of what's being going in with her friends Its Dwali soon as they have been learning all about it and I love listening to her explain it all to me. They are allowed to wear vibrant colours instead of their uniform one day this week and that outfit has already been picked and ready. She really enjoys school and I love that.

She confides in me that sometimes certain children annoy her - yet got a head teacher award for being caring and friendly to children who are sometimes lonely

She has made wonderful gorgeous little friends who we meet up with sometimes and go for walks/play area and she has been invited to a birthday party nearly every weekend ( which is a PITA tbh

This is such a golden time for children starting their school journey enjoy watching her flourish

My eldest started school this August and it's been amazing for him! I'm continually in awe at how fast he is learning. Admittedly I thought he'd struggle a bit with the writing/reading aspect of things because he's never been a child who's actively enjoyed learning like that, but clearly I'm just a crappy teacher. Don't know how people home school, hats off to them. He went to a private nursery so didn't know any other kids but has made a solid friendship with 2 other boys. The school day is relatively short and there are so many holidays that you still spend plenty of time with them outside of term time

Have you looked into home education at all? I'm not suggesting that because not wanting to leave her is a good reason to choose it (there are many good reasons but I don't think that is one) but more just because it's not an option everyone considers and if you've really fully enjoyed the toddler and preschool years, then you might really enjoy and embrace home ed as well. It's not isolated learning at home, there are loads of groups etc you can join and many different ways of approaching it, from formally structured learning (though this is rare as it seems less necessary than it is in a school setting with hundreds of children) through to a more exploratory approach.

Otherwise I agree with the others that actually seeing them go and have experiences separate from you is absolutely fascinating and wonderful to see how it makes them grow and develop. It's so fun to see what they bring home in terms of experiences and opinions and skills.

The break is wonderful as it allows you to miss them a little bit. I had started to get frustrated with DS1 before he started school as he was so full on. The break was a nice recharge. And he was tired by school which helped with his sleep. If they are on school dinners, you are spared an entire meal to think about and prepare :o

Agree the opportunity to work, even though that comes with its own headaches, is also wonderful.

Lastly DS1's school had this brilliant parents' coffee morning set up on a Friday. I used to go along to that and it really helped me meet and get to know other parents at school better than an awkward/brief school gate meeting.

It's another step towards independence and you have to be able to let go. One day she will leave home and be a fully fledged adult.

In terms of your original question, DD started school in Sept and there have been no downsides, only upsides. She loves it, is engaged and excited about it, making friends, learning to write, comes home packed with facts and stories. Because we have days apart, we have more to talk to each other about! I love it that she has her own little world that isn't just about the family at home.

DD1 was just 4 when she went and hadn't been that happy at pre-school but she absoultely loved reception - made several close friends. She was clearly ready for a bit more and was always very excited about going, loved her teacher got to do some very exciting trips - her world just expanded.

I did miss her though even with two younger ones at home and she was one of those children who came home exhausted from school but at same time she was clearly very happy and settled quickly.

My advice would be to make the most of the time left. DD1 is now 16 and I still get blind sided - this end of summer she did the big trip out we always do with younger siblings and friends - so many postives that she had those memories with her siblings that she got experience organizing trip but it was bitter sweet for me.