Anyone else's in laws like this?

[Tyleenekenneth]

Just had in laws to stay for the week and they will NOT help themselves to anything ie tea and coffee/snacks etc. This is OK if they're here for the day at a weekend and DH is around to help but during the week when he's at work I don't have time with two young DC to wait on them! I have emphasised SO MUCH and so has DH that they are totally welcome in our home and to please help themselves to absolutely anything they want/need. They don't. They sit on the sofa waiting to be offered things/have their day micromanaged.

The absolute polar opposite to my family and hard to deal with for me as feel like I have four people to take care of all day instead of two. DH says to just let them get on with it but it's so awkward.

I am very family oriented and really want them to feel welcome and at home. To me having to wait to be asked if you'd like a tea or a coffee and not to feel able to pop out to the shop to buy a paper or whatever without asking must be so tiresome for them.

Newmum29

You're misunderstanding me I think. I DO offer them drinks. Of course I do. I cook for them too.

I would just like them to feel welcome enough in my home to feel that they can help themselves to a tea or coffee etc if I'm pre occupied with my DC, rather than waiting for me, because that to me feels very awkward. That's not how I was brought up to behave around family.

My PIL are exactly the same. Been married to DH for 20 years and every time they visit (approx 10 times per year) they stand awkwardly in our porch as if it's the first time they've been here.

I can't speak for your in-laws, OP, but I know with my own it's a case of FIL not wanting to lower himself to a women's job of putting kettle on/making food, and MIL is just generally afraid of making a mistake and she'd genuinely be upset with herself if she opened the wrong cupboard when looking for something.

I've learned to just see it as a quirk on their part and to ignore it as best I can. I don't think they want to change, nor have it in them to do so.

Is there a bit of a difference between expecting to be waited on and not feeling comfortable making a cuppa in someone else's house? Which do you think it is?

I dont think they expect me to wait on them. I think they feel its not polite to help themselves.

@Tyleenekenneth

Newmum29

You're misunderstanding me I think. I DO offer them drinks. Of course I do. I cook for them too.

I would just like them to feel welcome enough in my home to feel that they can help themselves to a tea or coffee etc if I'm pre occupied with my DC, rather than waiting for me, because that to me feels very awkward. That's not how I was brought up to behave around family.

This is where you are going wrong. You ask in-laws to entertain the children whilst you make drinks/meals etc. They get to build a relationship with the children without parents looking on and you get a chance to catch up on chores, or spend ten minutes on MN.

They won't do things with the DC either! They're totally awkward with them and get tired v quickly of their talking (DS in particular is 5 and never stops). I don't think they've ever so much as played with them in the garden without me, whereas when my family are here I barely see the DC as they're just wanting to be with their grandparents and their aunties and uncles.

This reminds me of the episode of Father Ted when the visiting priest says nothing ..

Jokes aside. I would 100 percent only have visitors when dh was there too. Its quite stressful 😫 for you.