Kids that don't play with toys support group

[sleepinglionsroar]

Anyone else have kids that won't play with toys at home? I have a toddler age 2. We have to be doing something to keep her busy, like a walk, throwing sticks in the stream, park or a class, getting messy with paint or water. She just wont play with actual toys at home with or without me. Obviously all toys in the shops are amazing. We went to a friends yesterday and she wasn't interested in their toys either just observed stuff, did a bit of dancing to music. She's absolutely great, no issues, talks, could sleep better, but I'd just like to sit down and play with some blocks / animals/ cars / train set a few tiles a day. Are toys really not needed?

I've been through this with my eldest DD, and think I bored everyone to tears fretting and worrying about it.
She's now six and although she still doesn't really play with toys she will happily spend hours role-playing, crafting, reading and running around the garden without needing me to do it with her.
I just persevered with spending some time playing, maybe ten minutes or so and then telling her I had to go and cook tea or do some tidying up. Sometimes they have to be bored, they can't rely on us for entertainment every waking minute. Hang in there.

What does she do? just stare into space? watch tv. watch you. talk to you. what? she must be doing something.

There's a boy at our nursery (where I work), and he's about two as well, and he doesn't play with toys - he only ever throws them. He throws toys, sticks, everything and anything, and pushes over bigger things too - like chairs, shelves, tricycles, slide. It is very frustrating and messy, (and a bit dangerous if you get hit by stuff).

Does your child enjoy sensory play - splashing in puddles, crunching leaves, slime, playdough, sand, water? Perhaps she's more of an experiencer than a player. You say she likes dancing. Try all different types of music. Would she try a xylophone or drum or shaker, with you perhaps and make some music together.

What I mean is, perhaps she's just not into simple toys, like a doll or car, but might enjoy a swing, climbing frame, slide, like something more interactive. Try baking with her, actually make cakes, rather than leaving her to imagine it.

My DD has always been like this, she’s 9. She liked to join in with whatever I was doing when she was very young (before school age) like ‘helping’ fold clothes, wash-up or make beds and when I sat down she’d sit and watch tv or chat with me. She would be very happy exploring in the garden getting bugs in her hands and picking petals and leaves and splashing in water. Now she loves to paint with watercolours, still loves playing with water and makes loads of slimes and putty. She’s never played with proper toys.

She spends ages on the swing and trapeze as well.

One of mine wouldn't really play with toys. He liked putting things together when he was 2-3 - like puzzles, train tracks or duplo blocks - but he didn't role play with toys or want to push trains or cars around. Didn't really like drawing or painting either but would sometimes do playdough.

Now he's 7 he likes to read, play board games or card games, watch TV and play nintendo, swim and ride his bike. But he's just never been interested in playing with figures, vehicles, role play stuff in the way my other children have been. Not even lego. My youngest will get all her toys out and play shops or schools but he never would.

@Changethetoner if we aren't doing something and I have to cook for example he will mainly cry or whinge prodding me in the leg. She will watch Tv happily, but you can't do that all the time. I'm happy to messy stuff, but during the clearing up time I need her to do something non messy for 10 mins and she won't. She may do colouring happily, but things end up all over the place. My house is basically destroyed

My first DS was like this. i thought it was my fault because he was my precious first-born and I had somehow created a child that was only happy when someone else interacted with them. Now at 16 he still struggles to concentrate on anything on his own for a sustained period (unless it's FIFA) but he is incredibly personable, gregarious, sociable. He does loads of theatre and gets his kicks from working as part of a company. I think objects don't really interest him but people do. It's just the way he is - but you have my sympathies, I used to wish for a child who would play with his toys for even 20 minutes!

My now ten year old never really played with toys either. It doesn't seem to have stunted his development, he's doing very well, he just had different interests.

My eldest is 8. She has never played with toys. She is autistic but I don't think it's exclusive to that. It was one of the biggest flags but im sure NT kids can be like this. I loved dolls and role play and I'm autistic. We are all different and unique in this world. Thing is it is hard work as thet follow you around and its so demanding. Dd is a talented artist and so recently she can do art and crafts by herself for a bit which is easier on us all.
Little dd who is NT loves play thank the lord. She will happily play with her dolls etc. She tries to copy eldest following me around but I won't allow it for both our sanity.
Hopefully she will find her thing op like my dd with her art. I sympathize till then as its relentless.

@NellieBertram yes I have a DS who's 5 too and he's pretty similar, I suppose I shouldn't be surprised DD is the same. I find Xmas such a pain, as DS will say he wants something and never ever play with it, not even when he first gets it. Such a waste of money, and we end up going out to do things so much as we can't just have a a few hours day at home playing toys. So expensive, and half term has exhausted me.

I don't know for I've done something wrong? Both DS and DD ( as much as you can be at 2) seem creative, but not in play. I spent hours playing with the few toys I had growing up, but my parents were very much stay in your room and entertain yourself. So maybe in being more involved with DS and DD I've made them more dependent on being entertained by us. I know play comes in many forms.

My son is like this. He’s 9 and autistic and an only child. He has high functioning autism but cannot play without instruction and does not play with toys. He likes ‘talk playing’ - I pretend to be various characters and we act out scenarios.

It. Is. Relentless. Literally constant. If I don’t do this he will literally sit and stare into space, complaining every two minutes that he’s bored. He has absolutely no ability to decide to do something himself and half of my suggestions are dismissed. Anything I suggest that he will do I have to do as well. If I am not 100% present he will have a meltdown.

It’s not his fault. We try very hard to foster some level of independence but ... there just isn’t any. I think he’s scared to be left alone with his thoughts. I am constantly performing. Honestly I genuinely feel like I’m close to a nervous breakdown - my brain doesn’t ever get a chance to rest and because of this I’m burning out and struggling at every other part of my life. And no one aside from my dh understands.

I'm totally not an entertainer, and mine are all very independent, but just in different ways.
I probably allow too much screen time to be honest but once my non-toy child could read independently it was a game changer. He will sit for ages with a comic.

Ds is 18 months, he’s the same. Occasionally he will sit and play with duplo or wooden blocks for 10 mins. He likes books.
He won’t watch tv.

Otherwise he just spends his days climbing everything and pulling everything out.
Today 6-9am he climbed sofa, dining table, window ledge, cushions, into bath, on repeat, sat down to eat, and sat on my lap for row row games. Read book. Found mop, took all shoes off rack and back on, played with cat.
9-12 - we were outside, in pram or walking through woods with pinecones, sticks etc. happiest outside.
12-1 - home and he just screamed at back door to go back out and climbed on furniture whilst I made lunch. Sat to eat. Played with duplo with me for 3 mins max. Ignored puzzle.
He’s now napping. This afternoon he will no doubt do the same.

I have bought him an indoor climbing frame for Christmas!

DS was like this, then I banned all screen time and he started playing with them.

My non toy child read at 3, fluently at 4, and that was the game changer. She also loves to dance and does hours of classes each week. But the first few years were hard, and I thought it was my fault she wouldn’t play independently. But it’s just her.

Her little sister makes and creates and pretends and plays with toys for ages - always has - and if anything I was more of an attached parent (lots of sling time, stayed at home longer from work etc) with her. Which you would think would make her less independent.

I have just started trying to ‘cook’ with Ds which he does seem to like and has patience for compared to toys, but he’s a bit young. Maybe your 2 year old is a bit bigger and will like similar? So far he has helped make pizza dough, and just used shape cutters on basic biscuit recipe.

@HeechulOppa my dd is exactly like your son. She talk and talks and talks at me. She will sit and stare into space if I'm not entertaining her. I was in tears last night because of how burnt out I feel. I need downtime even for 10 minutes but there is no chance. Dd won't let me. She will melt down. As I said above she will do art for a few minutes now but its infrequently and she requires input on this most times. If I suggest activities she can do alone she will decline them all.
My youngest is trying to copy this. I can't cope with 2 like this.
I really empathize with you.

@HeechulOppa oh I know, as DS is at school now it's not so bad, but very much like you, DS will complain and ask what can I do next? He won't do anything without me. I've occasionally lost it as it feels so stifling. So if I said hey go get your Lego box out and^^ suggest he build a house for this toy cat or secret hide out for a hotwheels car he won't, but if I join in he might do a little, but he doesn't really enjoy it. He likes top trumps cards and scavenger type hunts.

I assume your DS will watch TV ? Mine would all day but very specific things, but that just doesn't seem good parenting, although he watches a lot. I think he probably has HFA too, the school is very dismissive as he copes, but I assume that's the nature of HFA. He doesn't really meltdown, but he becomes something else, and some quite weird behaviour, like being a puppy and licking. I guess a coping strategy.

DD is getting to that no napping relentless stage and I suppose I was hoping she'd be a bit more "normal" but must be in the genetics. I hadn't really thought about how similar she is to DS until this thread.

My DS 1 is 12 now, but he never played with toys. He has always loved music, so we spent hours listening to music or singing songs together. He never seemed to mind that I can not hold a tune. He also loved the park, especially the swings.

My son has a diagnosis of ASD. He still loves the same things he did when he was 2. He is a totally awesome young man.

@sleepinglionsroar No, he doesn’t watch tv or use the iPads, he hates them. I am going crazy!!

@Arren12 That’s it, let’s hug each other and have a nice therapeutic cry!

@HeechulOppa

My son is like this. He’s 9 and autistic and an only child. He has high functioning autism but cannot play without instruction and does not play with toys. He likes ‘talk playing’ - I pretend to be various characters and we act out scenarios.

It. Is. Relentless. Literally constant. If I don’t do this he will literally sit and stare into space, complaining every two minutes that he’s bored. He has absolutely no ability to decide to do something himself and half of my suggestions are dismissed. Anything I suggest that he will do I have to do as well. If I am not 100% present he will have a meltdown.

It’s not his fault. We try very hard to foster some level of independence but ... there just isn’t any. I think he’s scared to be left alone with his thoughts. I am constantly performing. Honestly I genuinely feel like I’m close to a nervous breakdown - my brain doesn’t ever get a chance to rest and because of this I’m burning out and struggling at every other part of my life. And no one aside from my dh understands.

I could have wrote this myself. The same life as me. I'm with my son 24/7 as he refuses school. I now homeschool with no support at all. No family not one friend. His dad walked away when he was 12 months old. I have an amazing relationship with my son he is 10, but he won't even leave the house or even my bedroom much. We say the same sentence over and over again, watch the same clip of a film over and over and over again. I really do understand how relentless it is. You're not alone sending a virtual hug

My 9 year old has always been like this. It is exhausting. He has always needed to get out of the house every day without fail. He loves riding his bike/scooter. Running around at the park, playing with mud and sticks and stones etc. If I wanted him to play at home I would have to sit with him the whole time he just couldn’t come up with scenarios himself.

His younger brother is the exact opposite! Loves toys and will entertain himself for hours so I guess it’s just how they are?!

Things that have helped… being active for at least an hour every day so I feel less guilty about any screen time he has later so I get a break. He loves to draw and he usually listens to music whilst he draws to keep his brain focussed. He loves card games but that does require my input so I would always say ok half an hour of cards and then I have to cook tea so you need to entertain yourself for a bit.

He finally cracked reading independently in lockdown (age 8) but he likes to set a timer for half an hour or an hour for some reason that helps him focus.

Forgot to add he loves swimming so we do that twice a week in school holidays. He usually has two hours in the pool where he’s fully occupied and it’s just the best.

This sounds relatively normal for a 2yo - such short attention spans. I've learned a lot from the Imagination Tree website, the author shares how to set up inviting play scenarios that kids can do. My 3yo plays with the play dough from there for ages, for example combined with some 'loose parts'.

There is nothing worse than getting whinged at when cooking, you have my sympathies!