Anxiety over something happening to DC

[Startrooper]

We have a DS(6) and I have found myself, at times, feeling anxious that something terrible is going to happen to him. I think it started when he was about a year old when FIL said to me “you should be careful when you are walking down the street with him because a car could mount the pavement and hit and kill you both.” I was wtf at the comment and didn’t respond, and what a thoughtless thing to say.

Anyway, I just get periods of feeling so fearful that DS will die in a car accident, or that DH and I will die and leave him an orphan. If DH takes him to see his DF I feel sick at the thought of them on the motorway (30 mins each direction). This week he will be at school and DH and I are going to visit an attraction that is just over an hour away in each direction and I just don’t want to go.

How can I get though this fear? I know it’s not rational. I don’t feel physically anxious (had that years ago), it’s my mind in overdrive . I don’t see the point in going to the GP as MH services are inundated with people needing more important help due to the pandemic etc.

Please don’t be nasty, I feel so fearful and frightened and I know I could not survive losing my child.

I don't think its massively uncommon. I had clear air turbulence on a flight with my then 4 month old twins and 3 year old on way to holiday. I had all sorts of horrible scenarios going through my head and I really questioned my choices and whether I would ever take any of them on a flight again. I'm now a lot more anxious about flying in general, I've always put this kind of thing down to just being a mother and motherly instincts to protect your child/ren. Before them I flew regularly and never had the slightest apprehensions.
Sorry I know it's not much help, but I just tell myself I can't wrap them in cotton wool, I can't always be there to protect them every moment and neither can enyone else with their children. Even when I'm stood right next to them they manage to get themselves into scrapes anyway!
I'm looking to book another holiday abroad for next summer. It will be fairly nerve wracking but I'm determined not to limit their horizons (or my own) due to my anxiety. My mother does and she lives a very small life these days. It's sad.
I'm sorry your FIL said that to you though it was a really shitty needless thing to say

I get this too. I’m sorry for you it’s hideous. It flares up when my general anxiety is flared up, if I manage my general anxiety, it settles down.

Go to gp.
Get some cbt help now
Maybe online sessions
Or it could spiral
You are as deserving as anyone

I think it's normal, the more time they spend away from you the easier it becomes. You control the things you can, wear seat belts in the car, drive at the speed limit, have smoke and carbon monoxide alarms, make a will and then you leave it up to fate. You cannot control everything so there's little point in letting things you can't control take up brain space.

I am the exact same. It has eased off slightly as my child has grown but I was exactly like this after my children, I suddenly became fearful of every situation, its exhausting, and somewhat embarrassing. At nursery o never let my child go on trips as I was terrified of the bi's crashing, a car pummelling into them walking gand in hand diem the street, even thst the coach driver might be a pedophile! I my child was the only one never allowed to do trips. Now they are at school it's not as bad and I do allow trips but I'm anxious all day. I've no advice really but just wanted to say your not alone.

^^ sorry for typing errors

I also can't go abroad because I'm terrified and convince myself we will all die. I think therapy is the only way forward really

These are called intrusive thoughts. I also have these. My children at 19, 8 and 6. I think it becomes an issue when it is having an impact on your day to day life. For example, I regularly worry about car crashes, particularly on smart motorways. I have these worrying thoughts whilst driving down them. They become a problem if they stop me driving down them, and I can not lead a normal life.
I have intrusive thoughts about my children choking on lollipops. I contemplated not allowing them at all, but compromised with only allowing them as an occasional treat, and must be seated at the table to reduce the risk. I'm still stressing the entire time they are eating them, but it isn't impacting massively on them as although a risk, I have attempted mitigation, and the impact on the children is minimal.
My 19 year old now goes out and has a drink. I don't drink, never have, and I worry about how he will cope with alcohol, and what if he does something stupid, or someone does something stupid to him. My heart wants me to tell him he mustn't visit these places, as the risks are too worrying. But my head knows that this is a pointless worry. I can not control him, or what happens to him. I can only hope he has listened to my advice over the years, and makes the right choices. It doesn't take my worry away, but it helps me be at peace knowing that he must make his own decisions in life.
I suppose what I'm trying to say is, intrusive thoughts can be totally normal. It is how they impact your (or someone else's) life. If they are restricting on where you go and what you do significantly, then there is a problem. If you are trying to significantly control someone else because of them (beyond normal safety advice ie. It is normal to cut grapes up to prevent choking. It is not normal to cut up every single item on a 7 year olds plate to small non round pieces to prevent choking) then there is a problem.

I can only empathise with you. My mind plays dirty tricks on me regularly, it can be exhausting. Please do get professional help though if it is becoming more than what you describe.