How have you changed your life

[OrangeBananaFish]

I'm stuck in a rut and very unhappy with life right now. I know I need some sort of overhaul, something to change, but what?

10 years ago we moved house from one area to another 50 miles away and that isn't an option right now (kids settled plus I like living here). I'm not wanting to leave DH and currently in a FT job so not sure how to go about changing things that way (not sure what I want to do and retraining really isn't an option - no money)

So I'm asking you in what ways have you changed your life for the better? From the big to the small.

Please no advice, just experiences.

I’ve very recently had an epiphany.
Before I had my kids I always thought my family would be like the Walton’s. We’d all sit down to eat the same meal, we’d all have fun together, and look after each other. But unfortunately it’s not like that. One of my kids hates the other, they’ve left home and I hardly hear from them. I think that this Xmas will be the first that I don’t see them on the day, I think they will spend it at their partner’s homes.
So I’ve decided to sod it. The life I thought I was going to have isn’t going to happen, so it’s time for a new life.
I’m going to empty the loft of all their crap I’ve been saving, and whittle it down to one box each. I’m going to really clear out my house. Then I’m going to get myself a new life.
If they need me they can contact me. I’m going to be a new me, I’m going to learn to be happy on my own.

Good for you @GoodnightGrandma. Sometimes focusing back on ourselves once the kids have grown up, is the only way to ensure we live a life that we want. Enjoy yourself.

Oh, I also volunteered in a local oxfam bookshop one day a week when my confidence was at rock bottom, and that gave me more confidence to make other changes.

I was inspired by reading on here about, in a certain country, when they reach 50 they clear out their houses so that it’s less for the family to do when you die. I think that’s a great idea.
Less physical crap makes you feel free.

Also one who quit job (retired early and went freelance) and moved to a different country.

I started to accept contentment in most areas of my life

I feel society is geared towards always wanting and wishing for the next better thing- a better car, the bigger house, the next promotion. I decided to stop wanting all the time and start enjoying. It started with saying at work, I'm happy in my current role/ grade. No one says that. People always talk about ambition. I also don't want a bigger house, despite the fact we our home isn't massive and a little squashed sometimes. It's okay to want a little, but not to forsake allowing myself to be content.

I am getting a new car next year (electric) as I think it's important. But I'm saving and waiting for it and get excited about getting one.

Interesting. I'm late 40s and want to quit my job to go freelance in the same field.
I'm taking a refresher course to help with this, and the course is reminding me that although I enjoy my work, I don't enjoy my job or working in an office. I want to work for myself.

After 25 years, I'm sick of unnecessary meetings, office politics, team building days....

@GoodnightGrandma

I was inspired by reading on here about, in a certain country, when they reach 50 they clear out their houses so that it’s less for the family to do when you die. I think that’s a great idea. Less physical crap makes you feel free.

I think that’s thoroughly ridiculous. By all means, throw away/donate/recycle/ sell crap to make yourself feel free, but at fifty, to be anticipating your own demise in terms of your belongings being an inconvenience to your family when you have decades of life left is treating yourself like a dead man walking.

You’re not going to sit in an empty house waiting for the grim reaper !

Had counselling for childhood issues, divorced cheating ex, met DP, sold both our homes to downsize and bought a beautiful home, a holiday cottage and have 3 rental properties. We also bought a camper van. We both have a fantastic life, lots of holidays, great social lives and we're now able to retire early next year.

Wild swimming. Great for your MH.

@GoodnightGrandma

You’re not going to sit in an empty house waiting for the grim reaper !

But that’s what it sounds like! ‘I’m 50, on a downward spiral to death, better get ready for it by pre-emptive house clearance!’

That’s your opinion.

@Bathtoy totally agree. 50 is also young! You might have another 30 ( or indeed 40 years if you are lucky) and would dearly like to know which county they do this in? None I’ve ever heard of.

@OrangeBananaFish

Ultimately OP it’s about really digging deep and asking yourself what would make you happy. Then putting the change in motion, step by step.

Right now I'd like to retire. However, at 42 I have some time left so this leaves me to thinking about career choice. If I'm so desperate to retire then I'm obviously in the wrong job. Problem there is that I never knew what I wanted to be when I grew up and I still don't know. Fell into office work after Uni and I'm still there. Think I'd prefer a skilled job, just in what I really don't know. I do like the outdoors.

Might have a look at this Udemy site though. Thank you.

I'm in a similar position to you Orange...except I'm 10 years older and putting as much into my pension as possible so that I can retire ASAP. Ideally I would stop working full time in 5 years, live off savings & income from a less stressful job that doesn't involve sitting at a desk and dealing with the public.

And an outdoors job would suit me fine, ideally working in garden centre / horticulture business.

Getting a rescue cat definitely changed my life for the better. I didn't expect it to as much as it did. It also brought my whole family closer together.

[quote Hopeisallineed]@Bathtoy totally agree. 50 is also young! You might have another 30 ( or indeed 40 years if you are lucky) and would dearly like to know which county they do this in? None I’ve ever heard of.[/quote]
I believe It’s called Swedish death cleaning.

@goodnight I think you might be getting confused. No Swedes I know do that at 50. It’s something that has come from the Swedish word for ‘death cleaning’ which is traditionally something you do when someone dies. A relative goes in to the hose and helps you clear it. Now, it’s being touted as some Marie Kondo thing, but it just means de cluttering. However it is not something everyone ‘does’ at 50. 😂

@GoodnightGrandma

That’s your opinion.

I don’t think it’s really an ‘opinion’ to be puzzled at why someone would pre-emptively ‘death clean’ their own house when they may have three or four decades to live.

I can see all kinds of valid reasons to get rid of some belongings at any age, but not in anticipation of your own death, at the age of 50!

Maybe it made more sense when life expectancy was far shorter, or for people who had their children young — but many of us at that age still have primary school aged children at home accumulating Lego, books and Pokémon cards at a rate of knots!

I started meditating a couple of months ago. I use the insight timer app which is free and it has literally changed my life. I have long covid so have been off work almost a year. I can't do the exercise I love so have put on a little weight. It was hugely stressful not to be able to live life normally due to LC symptoms and I was getting seriously bitter and twisted. Meditation has given me acceptance about things I can't change. I worked in hideously stressful job. Meditation has helped me re-evaluate my life and realise that there are opportunities elsewhere.

Decided aged 38/39 to attempt solo parenting as previous, numerous dating/relationships have failed. Extremely fortunate to have been successful on my first try with IVF and a sperm donor (with several embryos in the freezer) aged 39/and now 33 weeks pregnant. I've had to reframe the paradigm of the expected life 'script' which is meet a man/get married/buy a house/have children. I was married before and have no desire to go down that path again. Maybe another child (with/without a partner) could be something I explore if my body/finances allow. A huge life changing event is happening and I'm excited (as well as having all the apprehension about what it will be like)! Absolutely no regret other than I wish I'd done it sooner (but it wasn't possible due to finances/housing situation).

I'd still like to share my life with a partner but maybe something along the lines of 'together living apart' model? We get one life and time is precious.

Sorry I've been lazy and haven't read the thread.
Things that have been life changing though in recent years:

• doing the couch to 5k.

I now run regularly. It's actually not for my physical health so much as My mental health. It's given me clarity, creativity ( I problem solve in my head when I run) and it's confidence. Running has enabled me to be brave and take better decisions.

• HRT

Recently started - feel so much better

• sea swimming

I started a year ago and swim year round. It's given me so much - including new friends

I don’t think it’s really an ‘opinion’ to be puzzled at why someone would pre-emptively ‘death clean’ their own house when they may have three or four decades to live.

I think the point has been missed here.

Sometimes people need an extreme change in their environment to combat years of over consuming. If you’ve got to the point where your house is full of things you don’t want or need changing that can be very positive.

Framing it in different ways such as Kondo or “death cleaning” can help make the change what it needs to be, rather than a smaller less effective one.

Sorry for a bit of a derail.

This thread is about improving your life! Someone has said they have improved it by decluttering. It's not up for challenge! It has improved someone's life (and sounds like a good idea to me) You don't get to say they shouldn't have done it and it won't improve their life. It already has and no one is making you do it.

@MrsPsmalls No one said she shouldn’t do it. People must do whatever they need to but we are also allowed an opinion if we don’t think it’s right for us. Funnily enough this is a social media platform for people’s opinions. Who knew?